


The Flight Before Christmas

by WrongLever



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Christmas, Getting Together, Holidays, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-20 05:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 68,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13139706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrongLever/pseuds/WrongLever
Summary: Patrick breaks up with his girlfriend before the holidays, spurring a last minute trip back home in time for Christmas. Meanwhile, Jonny deals with some relationship struggles of his own.When the two catch the same connecting flight for their holiday travels and a snow storm causes their flight to be rerouted, the two learn with that maybe the relationship they really need, is the one right in front of them.





	1. Chapter 1

Patrick had just hung up with his mom. He slipped his phone into the pocket of his jeans as he grabbed a pea coat off his rack and tossed it over his shoulders. He shut the door of his apartment behind him and made his way over the elevator.

So yeah. The phone call wasn’t an enjoyable one, but he was ready for that. And because he’s a mature adult, Pat had prepared for that ahead of time by calling an uber that could take him out to the bar following their conversation. Like any mature adult would do.

And it’s not like he was going to go get smashed, God no, he still had practice tomorrow morning, followed by an afternoon flight for a 2-game road trip before the Hawks holiday break, and if he was throwing up at practice or in the bathroom on the plane Jonny would kill him. Or at the very least, give him a disappointing glare that would remain on his face for the rest of eternity. But, if he got himself of plate non-Jonny approved nachos, well, then so be it.

Patrick wasn’t the biggest fan of public transportation, given the whole “NHL Superstar” thing, but taking ubers were generally a safe way to avoid any uncomfortable situations that may come along with that. Regardless, he popped in his headphones and got in the backseat and let the driver continue on her way.

He replayed the conversation he had with his mom. He had been dreading that call for the better part of the week, but he figured with today being a slow day in the life of Patrick Kane, in addition to it being less than a week until Christmas, that it was time to man up and rip off the band-aid. And, if this metaphorical band-aid was in fact a real band-aid, he one hundred percent would’ve ripped off a significant chunk of hair with it, because the call went exactly as he had expected.

“Hey mom, I just wanted to let you know that I broke up with Amanda. And, uhh, I was hoping you guys would be okay with me coming home for Christmas? Just for like, 3 days.”

The first thing she said, _because she’s the fucking best_ , was that yes, they would love to have him home for Christmas. But… the next thing she wanted to know was why he broke up with Amanda. And _weren’t you two just going to move in with each other? I thought she was the one? You know how much your sisters love her. Did she cheat on you?! No? Well then why did you break up with her right before Christmas? Pat… this better not be like a “I’m scared of commitment” type thing because I swear to God Patrick. But okay, we don’t have to talk about it right now, but over Christmas? Do you want me to tell everyone else? Okay, I will, but just be ready for their questions. Love you, you know that. See you soon, goodnight._

And that’s why he needed to go get a drink.

He exited the uber, handing the driver a 20 as a tip. It was the holidays, and he could afford it, and in retrospect, he had kind of been a jerk with the whole “headphones and backseat” plan. As he walked the extra one-tenth of a mile towards the bar, he passed by the ring shop that Sharpy had recommended to him about a month ago, not knowing that Pat wasn’t in the market for wedding rings or bands anytime soon.

\---

“Tazer, are you sure you’re ready for this?”, Sharpy asked as he shut the passenger side door to Jonny’s car.

“Sharpy,” Jonny said as he gave him a look over the roof of his car, “I would not have picked you up and taken you to this ring shop, where I will then proceed to give you an endless amount of chirping material, if I didn’t think I was ready for it, okay? Additionally, I haven’t once said I was going to buy anything, so there’s no harm in looking, eh?”

Sharpy knocked him with his shoulder and gave him a smirk as the two made their way towards the shop. “Okay, so we aren’t dedicated to buying anything, so we’re just gonna see if something jumps out to you?”

“Mhmm,” Jonny answered in response.

“Then tell me this,” Sharpy started, stopping before entering the jewelers, “are you just looking at rings because you and Kaner have some stupid bet about who can propose to their girlfriend first? Because it seems odd to me that the two of you would both be suddenly interested in my opinions on rings and jewelry shops.”

“Wh- what?!” Jonny managed to stammer out. “A bet?”

“A competition? A race? Whatever you two want to call it, I don’t care. But, as your Yoda, so to speak, in this situation, I should tell you that you shouldn’t start your lifelong journey with somebody over a bet,” Sharpy answered back with, half-joking, half-serious.

“You are not my Yoda,” Jonny deadpanned. “And what does Kaner even have to do with this? I’m not following.”

Sharpy eyerolled. Honest to god eyerolled. “Don’t even pretend that you don’t know that I told Kaner to come to this exact shop like a month ago to check out a ring.”

Jonny returned a look of sheer confusion, “I… I hadn’t even realized he was thinking about that. Seriously.”

Sharpy almost looked, sad? “Really? Cause I would’ve thought you guys had been talking about it. I mean, like I know you guys are close but, it’s a big thing that you both are thinking about regardless of that. And, considering you guys are kind of at the same place right now, I just would’ve expected it,”

And, because Sharpy’s half-asshole, half-great friend, he steered the conversation back to safer ground. “Maybe I should’ve led a Mr. Sharp’s class field trip to the ring shop for the class, eh?”

Jonny cracked a smile at that. “Shut the fuck up,” he said while punching him in the arm, “Come on you asshole, help me check out the rings, Frodo,” he finished with, opening the door to get Sharpy to go in.

“Yoda,” he said, pointing at Jonny and smiling as he entered the shop, “None of that Lord of the Rings shit.”

\---

Patrick got drunk, but not smashed, so he considered it a victory all things considered. And it was still the same day when he returned, at least for another half-hour or so, so again, another victory.

He tossed his coat towards the rack and started loosening his pants as he walked down the hall. He was drunk, and nobody was in his apartment to judge as he stripped out of his pants before making it to his bedroom. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old Blackhawks t-shirt before hitting his fan and covering himself in his blankets. He flipped on the tv and found some Christmas movie. It seemed fine. It was basically in the middle, but he was only half-watching, so it didn’t really matter that much anyway. The guy was hot enough, and since he was okay with letting himself think that way now, he might as well admit to himself that’s why he kept it on.

He reached for his phone on his bedside table thinking he could text Erica asking if she had seen the movie to get an idea of what had happened in it. She’s seen all the shitty Christmas movies, so he figured the odds were good. And, even if she hadn’t, he figured he’d be able to google it or something. But as they say in that book, the best laid plans often go awry, because leave it to Jonathan fucking Toews to text him at 11:30 at night saying:

_Hey, are you thinking of proposing to Amanda?_

Followed by:

_Sharpy said something, but idk if I misunderstood him or something so I just figured I might as well ask you_

And… Fuck.

To be fair to Jonny, he sent those texts about a half hour ago, but Pat just hadn’t looked at his phone. He thought for a minute before deciding he could get away with avoiding it and pretend that he had fallen asleep early. So, he plugged it back into the charger and placed it back on the nightstand.

But that didn’t really solve the problem at hand. Patrick let out a groan and grabbed his blanket before flopping face down on his pillow and let out another frustrated noise. He decided then and there that he was going to kill Sharpy. Although, that probably would’ve been more effective if he had done it before he said whatever he said to Jonny, so now he was back to square one.

He understands why some many people thought he was close to proposing to Amanda. But, funny enough, Amanda was not one of those people. So, although he’s going to come off as an asshole to a lot of people once they find out he was the one who ended things, at least he’ll know he’s not as big of an asshole as they think. Regardless, now Jonny is going to feel hurt or something because he’ll think Pat didn’t tell him about this nonexistent proposal idea that Sharpy and Abby, Seabs and Duncs, and his whole family thought he had, and now Jonny was undoubtedly going to keep bringing it up or alluding to it until Pat talks to him about it. Or, the significantly more likely approach in this scenario, he was going to continue to bring it up until he got frustrated with Pat for not wanting to talk about it until he stopped asking about it, leaving Pat to feel guilty about the whole situation which would lead to Pat having to tell Jonny the whole truth and the story of the entire thing, which wasn’t ideal either. And to top it all off, he hadn’t even talked to his family about it yet.

He wondered if it was too late to go back to the bar, before deciding to try and put it out of his head and go to sleep. Ya know, with practice in the morning and all. Mature adult over here. All he knew was that it was going to be a long next holiday season regardless, so that should be fun for him.

\---

Jonny woke up before his alarm the next morning. For all the descriptive words people would use to describe him, “morning person” was not one of them, so suffice it to say, Jonny wasn’t used to this feeling. He reached for his phone, planning to stay engulfed in the blankets while scrolling on his phone until he had to get up.

He unlocked his phone and it opened to the text he had sent Kaner last night. He still hadn’t responded. But Pat’s the type of guy who leaves his read receipts on and the text didn’t have one of those, so maybe he hadn’t seen it yet? Jon figured he was awake when he sent it last night, but it was late enough where he may have been asleep, or at the very least, tired enough where he didn’t want to start a conversation that late at night. He figured he would just talk about it with Pat in person regardless of getting a response or not.

The Pat-posal situation reminded him of his own proposal plans. He hadn’t bought a ring last night. Sharpy told him he was getting cold feet, but he had made it clear that he was just looking before they even entered the shop anyway, so Sharpy could just fuck off. Plus, he figured if Pat was looking too he’d at least be able to drag him along on future endeavors rather than ask Sharpy ever again. He was going to have to check in with Lindsey today to solidify their Christmas plans though, especially with the road trip coming up. Jonny groaned and tossed the blankets to the side and made his way towards the bathroom. He already had enough to worry about and that list hadn’t included making Christmas plans right before the holidays, so that was just going to be great.

He turned on the water to his shower, sticking his hand under the running water to test the temperature. He peeled off his shirt and tossed it on the floor as he examined the bruises on his chest and sides in the mirror, before stepping out of his boxer briefs and into the shower.

He allowed the scorching hot water to cascade over his body thinking about the day he was about to have while he also tried to develop a plan he could pitch to Lindsey.

\---

Jon left his apartment earlier than usual. He was used to being to first one in the locker room anyway, but he knew that he needed to call Lindsey first and considering his past driving endeavors, Jon wasn’t too keen to the idea of having what could be a serious conversation on the phone while he drove. Plus, as an added bonus, the ride would give him more time to practice the conversation in his head.

As he slid into the driver’s seat he pulled his phone out from the pocket of his jeans. Still no text from Kaner. He opened up the text conversation just to make sure his text actually went through, and yep, it did. He moved the phone to the pocket of his winter vest before starting the car and heading towards the practice rink.

His mind during the drive seemed to slip between thoughts of Kaner and his impending conversation with Lindsey. He knew what Lindsey was going to want to do, in fact, he was positive that Lindsey wasn’t even aware that this was up for discussion. The two of them would go home – to _Lindsey’s_ home – just like they had for the past three years. But Jonny didn’t want to do that this year, he wanted to go home, to his family, so hopefully they’d be able to find a compromise. He guessed that if he was actually going to propose to her, that he should probably see her family as his family too, but that was something to think about later. First, he had to get her to go to Winnipeg.

He pulled the car into the fairly empty parking lot and picked a spot. He turned off the engine, letting the keys continue to dangle from the ignition before taking out his phone and pressing _call_.

The phone rang a few times and Jonny began to get worried that she wasn’t going to pick up just as he heard to line click.

“Hey…” Jonny started, “Sorry I’m in a little bit of a rush because of practice, but I just wanted to call before we have our afternoon flight to Dallas to discuss our Christmas plans. I know in the past we’ve gone to your parents, but I was thinking that this year we could-”

Lindsey cut him off, “What do you mean Christmas plans?” sounding genuinely surprised. “We’re going to my parents; it’s tradition. I’m already here.”

Now that, that threw Jonny for a loop. “What do you mean ‘you’re already there’? We didn’t even talk about it? I figured you thought we’d stay in Chicago. I was hoping we’d be able to go to my parents this year, with my 4-day break and all.”

“Babe, we always go to my parents’ house, that’s why it’s tradition. I figured you knew that by now.” She said with a fake laugh at the end, “You can get a ticket from Denver or wherever, right?”

Jonny’s thoughts became scrambled, tradition? Since when had they decided that? Did that mean that was always going to be the case? That they’d never even entertain the possibility of going to Winnipeg for the holidays?

“I… I, uh… I can try. I mean, I kinda had already booked a ticket for each of us to Winnipeg, I thought this year we might try that. I didn’t realize it was ‘tradition’,” Jon said with a bit of an edge to his voice.

“Oh.” Lindsey started, seeming surprised again. “Well you can get your money back on those right? I mean, not that it matters too much anyway I guess. But, if you could just get a flight to Pittsburgh, I’m sure somebody here would be able to come pick you up at the airport.”

And now Jonny was pissed. First off, this conversation was going nothing like how he had expected it to go. He knew it was going to be a battle to get her to go to Winnipeg rather than her home, but he didn’t realize it was going to be impossible because she was already there! He figured he’d be able to at least get her to consider it, or even say that they could do the holidays separate from one another, although he would’ve passed on that for sure. He was just hoping for some type of compromise, seeing how it was a relationship. The second thing that got him mad was the whole “money back” comment. She clearly didn’t care if he did or didn’t, and objectively speaking, she was right, it didn’t matter, but it just showed how much she didn’t care for what he wanted to do or her plans. At this point, Jonny just wanted to get off the phone.

“I don’t know. I mean, I’ll try, but it’s so close to Christmas and I’m sure the airlines are busy. I’ll keep you updated, but I gotta go-” Jonny started, before she cut him off again.

“That sounds great! Let me know, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure something out. Talk later, bye!” Lindsey yelled back through the phone before he hung up.

Jonny slammed on his horn a few times to let out his frustration. He rarely ever got upset, but that call went absolutely nothing like he had hoped or even had imagined. He figured he could ask for Sharpy’s thoughts on the whole thing. Or maybe even Kaner’s. Actually, asking Kaner wouldn’t be a bad idea at all, he’d get insight from somebody probably in a similar predicament, plus, it would open up the gates to talk to Pat about possibly proposing. Kaner also wouldn’t hesitate to call Jonny out if he was actually wrong on this, although he figured he wasn’t, so that seemed like a damn good idea all around.

Jonny was pulled from his thoughts by a knocking on his window. He glanced over to see a somewhat distressed Seabs looking in. Jon pushed the door opened and stepped out.

“Yes?”

Seabs gave him a laugh as Jonny pulled his hockey bag out of the trunk. “I don’t know Tazer, you tell me. You were the one aggressively hitting your horn while parked in a parking lot,” Seabs questioned lightly.

Jonny looked around the parking lot. It was still pretty empty, so he figured not many people bared witness to his minor breakdown. Jonny gave Seabs a shrug in response. “Holidays man…” he said, shaking his head, hoping that answer would suffice.

“Ohhh don’t get all Grinchy on me right before this road trip leading up to them. Not good for morale,” Seabs joked.

The two made their way inside the practice rink, one practice and then the flight to Dallas. Then he’d be able to worry about it later. Seabs was right anyway, not good for morale to get all “Scrooge” right before the holiday break. The last thing he needed was for Sharpy to catch wind of it and start calling him “The Grinch” or something for the next few days. So yeah, Kaner was definitely the one to talk to about this after they got settled in tonight in Dallas.


	2. Chapter 2

Practice and the flight went about as well as Patrick could’ve hoped for. Q was trying to drill into the team’s head the importance of not getting sloppy just because the holidays were approaching, and the practice reflected that. Luckily for Patrick, that meant he was able to avoid any spare moments they had for Jonny to approach him about the text he had sent the night before. Pat wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d be able to avoid the conversation – he’d known Jonny long enough to know that once he had something on his mind, he wasn’t just going to let it go. But, he hoped that he would be able to put it off for as long as possible, maybe even until after they got back from the holiday break. So, the intense practice at least bought him a little bit of extra time.

In classic Pat fashion, he was also one of the last people to board the flight on account of him forgetting his suitcase back at his apartment. And by forgetting, he meant that he had forgot to pack it with all the previous day’s stress. By the time he got on the plane he took a seat in one of the front rows with DeBrincat. Jonny eyed him a few rows back, clearly trying to mime that he had a seat free next to him, but Pat didn’t want to run the risk of getting into that particular conversation on the team plane, so he figured he’d be able to play it off as him just trying to sit down as fast as he could.

Sitting next to DeBrincat turned out to be an amazing decision. Of all the guys on the team, he was the least likely to approach the subject of Christmas plans, which Patrick guessed was because he himself had felt a little bummed out about not having any of his own.

Pat remembered his rookie year, his sisters were young enough that Christmas morning still felt like big deal and he felt like he was missing out on some big Kane family event once again. He’s never resented playing hockey, but most of the times he’s grown frustrated with it, it’s because he feels like it’s gotten in the way of being with his family.

Pat had been lucky that during his rookie year he wasn’t completely alone in adjusting to life in the NHL. Sure, he and Jonny hated each other’s guts that season, but at least they had somebody to turn to if needed. That year he spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day at Seabs house. Brent had even gone out of his way to buy Pat and Jonny a few gifts from “Santa”, mostly alcohol, but a few practical things as well. Jonny had gotten him a gift too, which was unexpected and awkward because Pat hadn’t gotten him a gift in return, and it didn’t even seem like Jonny had expected one. The gift was in a small silver box with a red ribbon, almost as if Jonny had paid extra to have someone wrap it at the store. Jonny gave it to him later in day, basically ambushing him in the bedroom as Pat went to deflate the air mattress he had slept on the night before. Jonny handed it to him with a “ _Merry Christmas Kaner_ ”. His voice didn’t seem nervous, but the way Jonny shuffled his feet and stared at the floor told Pat otherwise. The gift had been a luggage tag, nothing too fancy. It was designed to look like a New York license plate with _KANER_ spelt out. It took Pat by surprise, because a gift like this – a personalized gift – meant that he didn’t just buy it at the last minute like Brent’s gift had been. It made Patrick think that maybe Jonny had been the one who had mentioned something to Seabs about inviting Pat over for Christmas, like maybe he had overheard one of Pat’s phone calls with his mom.

Pat was trying to formulate a response when Jonny spoke up again, “ _I figured that because you never got your license back in Buffalo, this would do the trick, eh?_ ” he said with a typical Tazer laugh whenever he tried to tell a joke, before leaving the room. Pat just chalked it up to Jonny’s general weirdness that year and hadn’t thought too much about it since then. He was surprised at how much of that moment he was able to remember now that he did think about it.

He actually had used the luggage tag too, that was the funny part. The chain had broken off a few years back on his way home oddly enough, but he kept the tag part in a drawer of his childhood room back at his parent’s house in Buffalo. He wondered if he should find something similar to give to DeBrincat before Christmas too.

Patrick turned his attention back to DeBrincat. It’s not too often that the team gets a night in a city before a game, so he knew some of the guys were planning on going out.

“So, Kitty, what do you say: me, you, some of the guys, stay in tonight and celebrate you turning the big 2-0 by getting drunk on whatever we can find the hotel room’s mini-fridge?”

\---

Jonny knocked on Pat’s hotel room door about 2 hours after dinner had ended. At this point he had gotten the sense that Patrick was avoiding him based on how he had rushed out of practice earlier, avoided sitting next to him on the plane, and refused to make eye contact with him over dinner, so he decided to put his finger over the peephole in the door, so Pat wouldn’t see Jonny standing there and pretend like he was asleep. He wasn’t even 100% sure Pat was even in his room, but he knew that he wasn’t with the group of guys who had just went out for the night, so he figured it was a safe bet. Patrick opened the door a few moments later and Jonny pushed himself past Patrick to enter his room.

“Did I hear that you were trying to start a party in a hotel room of a certain 20-year-old with promises of getting him drunk on anything you could find in the mini-fridge?” Jonny started before taking a pause. He tried to put on his best captain’s voice before taking a seat in the room’s desk chair. Pat looked like he was about to respond when Jonny spoke up again, “because you and I both know that nothing you’d be able to find in that mini-fridge would get him drunk enough to make it worth it,” letting a sly smile creep onto his face.

Patrick broke out in a stupid grin, “Well, let’s just say I extended an invitation to a certain newly minted 20-year-old knowing the invitation would be declined but would also be appreciated.”

“Ohh shut the fuck up Kaner. We both know you’re not that smart,” Jonny said laughing while rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair. Kaner just shrugged, resigned to the truth, and took a few steps back to sit on the edge of his bed. There was a little bit of a silence before Jonny spoke up again.

“Pat. Is there a reason you didn’t want to tell me you were thinking about proposing to Amanda? Because I know you’ve been avoiding me today for some reason and all I can think is that you saw my text and don’t want to talk about it with me for some reason.” Jonny hadn’t realized he had felt a little hurt about it until he started talking.

Pat stayed quiet for a few seconds, like he was thinking about how to answer Jonny, before he broke the silence, “What did Sharpy even say to you?”

Jonny wanted to laugh but he managed hold it in. But that was just so typical Kaner, sidestepping a question he didn’t want to answer. In the ten years he had known Kaner, that was one thing that had never changed about him.

“He just mentioned that he had recommended some jewelry shop to you back around American Thanksgiving.” Patrick shot Jonny a look when he used the term “American Thanksgiving” and he looked like he was going to speak up again and make fun of Jonny for it, because Kaner never missed an opportunity to give his insight on the Canada vs. US argument. But fuck that, Jonny wasn’t going to conform completely to living in the US and start calling it Thanksgiving, just, no. But he also wasn’t about to lose this topic of conversation, so he spoke up again, “So again I ask, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tazer, can we please not talk about this? Like seriously man. I didn’t talk to you about it because it wasn’t worth bringing up.” Patrick threw his head back onto his pillow, clearly frustrated with the conversation. And that kind of pissed Jonny off, he didn’t feel like what he was asking was unfair. Him and Pat had been best friends (whether they’d admit it or not) for about 10 years now. He knew Jonny was in a long-lasting relationship, so wouldn’t it have made sense to bring it up?

“Pat. We’ve been friends for like 10 years now, you could’ve told me. Don’t you think that I might be in a similar position?” Jonny didn’t want to allude to the fact that he had been thinking of the same thing right now, seeing as how that might make him a hypocrite. He made a mental note to bring that up soon.

“Jon,” Patrick started. And that wasn’t a great sign because he only ever called him Jon unless he was being serious. “Sharpy brought the jewelry shop to me, okay? I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Jonny wasn’t ready to just let the conversation drop just like that, but he had clearly struck a nerve, even though as far as Jonny was concerned it was unwarranted. But whatever, he’d figure out another way to get Pat to give him something.

“Okay, fair enough,” Jonny didn’t really think that answer had made any sense, but it managed to get Pat to sit up and lean against the backboard of the bed to look at Jonny, so he continued, “what’s your plans with Amanda for the break? Cause Lindsey-”

“Jonny, what part of ‘I don’t want to talk about this’ do you not understand?” Patrick said cutting Jonny off, exasperated.

“What? I…” Jonny trailed off. He didn’t understand why Patrick was getting so mad about this, he just wanted Pat’s thoughts on what he was facing.

“Can you go? I’m just gonna go to bed now, ya know, early practice and all. I’ll catch you tomorrow for breakfast.” He got off the bed and made his way towards his suitcase, like he was actually going to go get ready for bed. Jonny could help but roll his eyes, but he stood up anyway.

“Kaner, I’m sorry if I said anything. I didn’t mean too, I just… I just wanted you to know that we could talk about it. I don’t know, it’s a big deal and I don’t want you to feel like Sharpy’s the only one you can talk to about it.” Jonny made his way towards the door before stopping and turning his head back towards the room. Patrick was still going through his suitcase.

“Night Kaner. See you for breakfast.”

Without looking back towards Jonny, he yelled over his shoulder, “Night Tazer,” before Jonny opened the door and headed back to his own. He almost thought he heard a “Sorry Jonny…” before he clicked the door shut, but given the way their talk had ended, he figured it was probably just wishful thinking.

\---

Patrick pulled out his laptop following his talk with Jonny. It went down basically how he imagined it would go, with Jonny wanting to talk about it and then getting upset when Pat didn’t want to. And honestly, the only reason Pat didn’t want to talk about it was because he couldn’t lie to Jonny about it. Not about the proposal thing, not about Amanda, not about why he had to end things between them. If he told Jonny the truth about one of them, he was going to have to tell the truth about all of them. And he wasn’t ready for that yet, but he also couldn’t lie to Jonny’s face because that was just going to make things worse once it all came out. Maybe after the holidays, or even after the season ended. Soon, but not now.

Truthfully, he wasn’t even lying about the whole proposal thing, but he couldn’t just tell Jonny that he wasn’t thinking of proposing to her because that would garner more questions that would lead to an avalanche. It was bullshit. And it was Sharpy’s fault, shocker there. If Sharpy just hadn’t mentioned that ring shop to Pat unprovoked, then he wouldn’t even be in this position right now. And why did Sharpy even have to mention that to Jonny?

He took off his pair of shorts and threw them in the general direction of his suitcase as he made his way towards the light switch. He settled back into the bed and propped up his laptop to search for flights.

The ‘Hawks last game was in Denver on the 23rd and Q was allowing guys to make their own travel accommodations from there if they wanted to. Most of the airlines were predictably booked, because only idiots would try to get a flight five days before Christmas. He sent Erica a text seeing if she could help him find one because at this point he just wanted to get to Buffalo in time for Christmas and back to Chicago by the night of the 27th, he didn’t even care how much it would cost, he just wanted to go home. With Erica on the search for plane tickets for him, he shut his laptop and placed it on the floor and tried to catch some sleep.

\---

A few rooms down Jonny sat at his desk to do the same. He ran his hands over his face thinking back on the day he had.

First, his phone call with Lindsey went worse than he had imagined and now he was forced to find last minute plane tickets to Pittsburgh that would probably end up costing him an absurd amount. Not that it even mattered, like she had said, he could afford it anyway, but it was one thing if he wanted to do it rather than feeling forced into it. He didn’t really know, it hadn’t been the first time Lindsey had acted like this – making decisions without talking to him first or seeing what he wanted to do, or made some comment about his money. He’s always just figured it was the result of being in a serious relationship, and sometimes he just had to work through it, but that didn’t mean it frustrated him any less.

What made it worse was that he couldn’t even talk to his best friend about it because he had done whatever the fuck he had done to make Kaner pissed at him. Which was really just exactly what he needed to top this day off. He felt a little bit like a loser to think about Kaner as his “best friend”, like that was a term reserved for kids in grade school, but what the fuck ever, he had seen and hung out Kaner more than anybody else over the last ten years, so he figured the term fit. He was pretty sure he was going to ask Kaner to be the best man at his wedding and that would basically shout from the rooftops that Kaner was his best friend anyway, so he might as well accept that his best friend was some goofy, curly-haired American, hockey playing asshole now.

He took a second to picture Patrick standing next to him, clad in a tux, having to give a speech at the reception. He actually laughed out loud a little bit at that, he’d have to make sure somebody got it on video.

Jonny wondered if Pat would make Jonny his best man too. Given the state of things at the moment he wondered if it would go to Sharpy instead, considering he clearly had talked with Sharpy about his relationship whereas he had just kicked Jonny out of his room for trying to do the same. That stung a little bit, but it wasn’t worth thinking about at the moment.

He pulled up a travel website, since apparently he was going to Pittsburgh now. And fuck, he still hadn’t bought Lindsey a gift. He was the worst at buying gifts, he always pushed it off until the last minute because he didn’t like to have to think about buying meaningful gifts. He was able to get away with it for now because of his schedule, but he knew she wouldn’t be as forgiving after his hockey career ended. Which was just gave him something he’d have to work on post retirement.

One year, probably the first year the two of them swapped gifts, he had spent like three weeks trying to knit her a scarf because she had complained that she could never find a quality one in her favorite colors. Admittedly, it was garbage. He didn’t know how to knit and in reality, he doesn’t even know why he even tried too. He probably could’ve asked his mom to do it, or even paid a professional to make it for him. She pretended to love it, but he can’t recall a time he ever remembered her wearing it. He made a mental note to look around for gift during the free time he had tomorrow, or while they were in Denver.

After an excruciating amount of time, he finally found a flight to Pittsburgh from Denver after their game in a few days. He felt weird about not flying back to Chicago with the team, but flying from O’hare late on the 23rd was just asking for problems. He knew a few other guys weren’t planning on flying back with the team though, so he didn’t feel too bad.

The flight was expensive, as predicted. But the only seat left on the flight was one in first class, which he never flew, and because of the holidays, it was way more expensive than he had imagined. But it was either dropping a small fortune on a flight or never hearing the end of it from Lindsey and her family, so it had to be done. He confirmed the time of the flight, 5:20 mountain standard time, and bought the ticket.

He put the laptop back into his bag and shut the shades on his room. It was 60° out in December, which was just blasphemous. It was still early by his standards, but today had wiped him out and they had a game tomorrow, so he figured he might as well try to catch get some sleep. He hit the light switch and crawled into bed. He texted Lindsey his flight information and silenced his phone.

It took a while for him to manage to fall asleep, thinking about Lindsey and Kaner, as well as the upcoming game versus the Stars. Eventually he managed to silence the thoughts and drift off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The road trip had been exhausting. The ‘Hawks had dropped both of their games before the break in spectacular fashion and at this point Jonny was actually looking forward to the holiday break, even if he did have to spend it in western Pennsylvania.

The sole good thing that came out of the two games was that Kaner had scored his 300th career goal, which was a big deal, even if it did come at the expense of a 4-1 loss to the Avalanche. Jonny wasn’t able to congratulate him to the extent that he would’ve liked because things were still awkward between them and he didn’t really understand why. Kaner was a master at avoiding him, because that’s exactly what he was doing, but he wasn’t full out avoiding him to the point where any of the other guys had picked up on it, and Jonny couldn’t exactly call him out on it either. He hoped that after the break things would return to normal between them, and maybe Pat would feel up to talking to him about the proposal.

Jonny wished the guys “Merry Christmas” and said his goodbyes back at the hotel before catching a cab to the airport. He was jealous of the guys like Sharpy and Crow whose families were settled back in Chicago; who’d get to spend Christmas morning at home, surrounded by their tree, soft Christmas music playing in the background; nice and quiet. Or even spend Christmas morning being woken up at five, kids jumping and screaming and begging their parents to come downstairs to see all the gifts left by Santa. Tearing through the wrapping paper and throwing it all over the room, while their parents just sat back and watched. He wondered if he got married to Lindsey if they’d ever spend Christmas like that. Just the two of them, cuddled on the couch on Christmas morning back in Chicago. He doubted it, because “ _tradition_ ”. Maybe if they had a kid they’d be able to stay in Chicago. Jonny wanted a kid, not now, but in the next few years or so, but Lindsey had never really jumped at the idea. She’d never said no, but usually resorted to “ _it’s something to think about_ ” or something of the like. Jonny picked at the hem of his sweater and tried to put it out of his mind.

He still hadn’t bought Lindsey a Christmas gift yet, so once he got to the airport he made sure to take some time to check out the gift shop and try to find something she might like.

As predicted, the airport was packed. His flight leaves in about an hour, so he handed the cabbie his change, grabbed his suitcase, and practically ran through the sliding doors and into the airport. He gave himself about ten, fifteen minutes tops, to check out the gift shop in hopes that somehow, they have the perfect gift for Lindsey. He’s basically banking on a Christmas miracle at this point, but it’s not like he spent any of his holiday magic during the two ‘Hawks games so maybe he still had some.

Deciding between a “Scenes of Colorado” calendar and a Colorado state flag magnet proved to be a difficult decision. He checked his phone and resided to either missing his flight or buying Lindsey a terrible gift, and at this point, Christmas at Denver International didn’t seem like a terrible idea. He decided on the calendar and figured he could give it under the pretense of it being a “joke gift” while the real one was back in Chicago, at least that would buy him a little more time.

He waited in line for the register while eying the clock. The gift wasn’t even worth it, but he couldn’t show up with nothing, so he just bit down on his lip and hoped the line would hurry the fuck up. While looking around trying to come up with a plan that would take him to the boarding area as quickly as possible once he was rung up, he could’ve sworn that he saw Kaner rush by. He called out for him, using Patrick rather than Kaner, because now was **not** the time to be recognized, but he didn’t turn around.

It didn’t make any sense for Kaner to be at the airport anyway, unless him and Amanda were going to Buffalo for Christmas. Although in the past he knew they’d stayed home in Chicago. His brain was probably just playing tricks on him because of how they’d left things or something, but his thoughts were interrupted by the cashier calling for the next customer. Finally.

\---

Patrick took his time in the locker room following the game. Most of the guys quickly ripped off their pads and showered, eager to put the blues of the road trip behind them and get started on their few days of Christmas break. Pat went for a slower approach. He was excited to get home to Buffalo for a few days, he rarely got to go home during the season anymore, and he felt like he kind of needed these next few days especially after the short road trip they just had. Plus, he kind of hoped he’d be able to start the new year off with a different mindset and that this trip would go a long way towards that happening.

But for all the excitement that surrounded him about the next few days, he couldn’t help but be aware of the anxiousness within him.

He sat in his stall turning his 300th goal puck over in his hands, flipping it repeatedly, feeling imperfections in the rubber. It hadn’t felt like a big deal in the moment, especially in the middle of a game they were losing, but now, sitting in his stall alone with his thoughts, he felt this rush of emotions thinking about what he had gone through to get to this point.

Given some of the missteps he experienced - both on the ice and off the ice – his first few seasons in the NHL he never really let himself get proud of his individual accomplishments. Even when they won Stanley Cups, the pride was in the team, or the teams journey, or when they won their first in 2010, it was in the fact he fulfilled a promise to Jonny and Chicago, he helped them get a cup, not that he had won it for them. For all the shit he gave Jonny for his “be better” speeches, Patrick was just as hard on himself for it. He swore that his sisters had come together in some type of concerted effort to stroke his ego a little bit so that he’d feel some more pride in his own accomplishments or something after he tried to explain these feelings to them following the Cup win in 2015.

He snapped a selfie of him with the puck and sent it to them with the caption:

_got myself a nice little early Christmas gift_ , he threw in the smirking emoji for good measure before continuing, 

_see_ _you guys tonight, don’t fall asleep on me._

He pulled up his texts from Erica just to confirm his flight. _5:20 to Pittsburgh then 11:30 to Buffalo._ He hated connecting flights, flying just to get on another flight seemed like such an unnecessary struggle, but considering it was the holidays he figured a direct flight was out of the question.

He slipped his phone back into his backpack and started stripping out of his pads. Some of the guys had started to clear out of the locker room at that point, saying their goodbyes and wishing the guys happy holidays. He scanned the room to search for DeBrincat, he’d found him a gift back in Dallas, nothing too special, but he wanted to make sure he had something to open Christmas morning. He caught sight of Jonny who seemed to be saying goodbye to Seabs, which was weird because he would’ve though Jonny was heading back to Chicago.

He couldn’t find sight of Alex and figured that meant he was still in the showers, so he turned back to his stall and began to wrap the puck up in an old t-shirt to stuff it in his bag.

A hand shook his shoulder as he placed the wadded-up puck into the bottom of his bag.

“Kaner, I’m heading out. I just wanted to congratulate you again on the goal, it’s a- it’s a big deal. So, uhh, find a nice spot for it. Hope you have a Merry Christmas.”

Jonny was such an asshole. He couldn’t just wish Pat a normal “Merry Christmas” and then leave. Or, like any normal person, he couldn’t just leave and then shoot Pat a text later. But nope, he had go ahead and make a personalized “Merry Christmas” and make Pat feel even worse about avoiding him these past few days. He turned around to thank Jonny and wish him a Merry Christmas too, but Jonny was already heading towards the door so Pat just shouted a “Have a good Christmas Tazer” as Jonny acknowledged it with a little salute. _What a loser_ , Pat shook his head and smiled to himself as he turned back towards his stall.

He grabbed a towel and made his way towards the shower, it was going to have to be quick considering he needed to get to the airport for his flight, but he couldn’t be smelling like a locker room for the duration of a three-hour flight. He washed up quick and dried off so he could get changed. He took out the present he bought for DeBrincat and handed it over with specific instructions to not open until Christmas morning.

DeBrincat looked surprised by it and panned the room to check to see if he was getting pranked or something, which you know, was a fair concern.

Turning back to Pat he took the gift and unzipped his backpack and slid it in.

“Thanks Pat, will do, but, ahh, you really didn’t have to do that. I didn’t get anybody anything so if you want it back…”

“Hey, somebody’s gotta look out for the rookies, right?” Pat felt a smile creep onto this face and noticed that Alex’s had done the same. He continued, “Just uhh, remember this in a few years. And have a Merry Christmas Kitty, make sure to check with the guys if you want something to do, okay?”

DeBrincat let out a little bit of a laugh. “I hate that nickname,” he said rolling his eyes and trying to hold in a laugh. “But thanks Peeks,” raising his eyebrows as if to say “checkmate” on the nickname argument, before continuing, “I really appreciate it. You have a Merry Christmas too, now go catch your flight,” he finished with as he pulled Pat into a one-armed hug.

Pat grabbed his bag and tossed it over his shoulder and turned to the rest of the guys.

“Everybody, I hope have a Merry Christmas! Except you Sharpy! Catch you guys on the flip side,” he yelled and waved to the group as he headed out of the locker room.

\---

Patrick dashed out of his uber and into the airport. He pulled his beanie down as far as could and made his way to print out his boarding ticket. Usually he didn’t mind getting recognized, but right now he was racing against the clock to get to his flight on time and he couldn’t afford to spend time talking to fans. Or looking like an asshole by blowing a fan off.

Early on in his career he had complained about getting recognized to his mom after him and a few of the guys got stopped repeatedly while trying to catch an early season Cubs game at Wrigley. He hadn’t gotten much sympathy from her though, and she reminded him what it was like when he was kid and how excited he would’ve been if he had run into a hockey player in public. It actually managed to resonate with him, and since then he tried to be active in charity work around the area and always made sure to take time to talk with people if they recognized him. But right now, 35 minutes till he had to board his flight in Denver International airport was not the ideal time to get recognized, so he tried to go incognito by hiding under his beanie and sinking into his jacket.

He printed out his boarding pass with a surprising amount of ease and started to make his way towards the check in area. He made the trek to the other end of the airport implementing the method of the fast walk/slow jog. Considering they had the next three days off for the league wide mandatory break, it was the least he could do to get that little bit of exercise in.

As he jogged past of a stretch of the airport that had a bar, gift shop, and a Dunkin Donuts he thought he heard somebody call out for him, but he wasn’t positive that they were calling after him anyway, and the voice seemed unsure, so he didn’t bother to turn around in case it was a fan. He really didn’t want to miss this flight home either, so he just hoped that they were calling after somebody else named Patrick, that way he wouldn’t make himself feel too guilty about it.

After making it through the check-in line, Pat settled into a seat in the boarding area and popped in a pair of headphones and pulled out his phone. He grabbed a seat along the giant windows that overlooked the runway, still trying to hide himself by sitting along the outskirts of the area. Although, he figured it wouldn’t make much of a difference if anybody had noticed him at this point.

Opening Spotify, h hit play on the Kane Family Christmas Music playlist his sisters and him had thrown together over Skype on Christmas Eve a few years ago. It started because the four of them had tried to get together and watch a Christmas movie, but Jackie hadn’t heard the song that played over the opening credits, so the movie had gotten thrown to the side in favor of constructing a playlist with all the best Christmas songs in existence. Naturally, “All I Want for Christmas Is You” appeared four times.

Scrolling through the list searching for any new additions he came across one he hadn’t heard of and added it to the queue. A light snow had begun to fall outside, which isn’t exactly what he wanted to see minutes before he got on a flight, but it didn’t look like it was sticking to the ground, so he wasn’t too concerned about it. Just to confirm, he peeked up at the flight board to make sure his flight was still on schedule, and it was. He turned his attention back towards his phone and started to wade through a slew of texts and notifications he had gotten, most of which were congratulatory texts or posts about his 300th goal, and waited for the call to board his flight.

\---

First class was the epitome of everything that Jonny hated. That wasn’t to say he didn’t find it enjoyable on occasion, he had flown it a few different times on longer flights with Lindsey, but he had done that for her, not himself. He viewed it as unnecessary and a little pretentious, especially to fly it alone on a three-hour flight. To each their own he guessed, but definitely not for him.

He made his way down the aisle and passed a few rows before he found his seat. The extra leg room was nice at least, he couldn’t deny that.

He tried to avoid eye contact with each person who made their way down the aisle and had to walk past him to find their seat, to avoid their judging glares. He accidentally made eye contact with a few people, and tried to signal with his eyes, _I didn’t want to sit here, it was the only seat left!_ but he didn’t think that message was getting through.

Jonny turned his attention towards the window of the plane and looked out on the Denver landscape. A light snow had begun to fall, which he thought was appropriate. He wondered what it would’ve been like to have played his career here, how different his life could be. Maybe he would’ve picked up skiing as a hobby.

Denver was beautiful, there no doubt about that, but it didn’t have that same feel that Chicago had. Bringing a trophy back here wouldn’t have been as meaningful he thought. Wearing that maroon and blue sweater wouldn’t have been as good either. And then there were the guys, he couldn’t imagine skating around the rink, Cup over his head, and looking around and not seeing them there celebrating too. All in all, he glad to be able to call Chicago home.

Lost in thought about the ‘Hawks Cup wins he turned his attention back to the flight. Passengers who were sitting in the economy section had started making their way onto the plane and Jonny could feeling the judging stares back on him. He realized he was probably being a little dramatic in this situation, but he really didn’t need to be sitting in first class for such a short flight.

Down the aisle an older man was struggling to make his way towards his seat. One of the flight attendants was nice enough to try and escort him towards his seat but Jonny couldn’t help but notice the line that was forming behind them.

He was a few steps away when Jonny stood up.

“Wait. Sir, would you like to take my seat?” Jonny motioned to the seat while grabbing his carry on.

The man looked at Jonny in surprise, and for a split-second Jonny worried that man he wasn’t alone. “Oh no, I couldn’t possibly. This is first class, I’m sure you paid more for this seat,” the man answered.

Jonny was grateful that the man didn’t seem to know who he was, he didn’t want to slow down the line any further for what could be seen as a publicity stunt, when in reality he was just trying get out of first class.

“No Sir, I insist. You’ll be able to stretch your legs, and it’s the holidays after all,” Jonny said back, flashing a genuine smile.

Jonny handed his ticket to the flight attendant in exchange for the older mans and turned to relocate to his new seat when the man spoke up again, “Thank you. But let me at least give you something in return,” grabbing his wallet.

“No need,” Jonny said back confidently. “You know what they say, just uhhh, pass it on, eh?”

He nodded back to Jonny in answer and wished him a “Happy Holidays” before Jonny turned around in search for his new seat.

Luckily, most people in the economy section hadn’t boarded yet so he was able to find his seat and get settled relatively easily. It was an aisle seat towards the very back to the plane, which was fine because it meant he at least was able to keep a little bit of the extra leg room.

He fired off a text to Lindsey letting her know he was settled in on the plane and was waiting for takeoff. He pulled up his sports app and checked some of the scores to the other games from that day before checking the time and returning his phone back to his pocket. Only a few more minutes before takeoff and the start of a little break. He still wasn’t quite looking forward to spending the holiday in Pittsburgh again, but maybe his attitude towards it was starting to change a little bit.

\---

“Thank you for your patience, we will now begin boarding group number 3 to Pittsburgh,” the flight operator called over the speaker system.

Patrick grabbed his carry-on and made his way towards the boarding entrance. He removed one his head phones from his ear, so he wouldn’t come off as being completely rude to the woman checking his ticket. He was one of the last people in line to board the plane and could feel the cold hit his skin as he made his way down the makeshift hallway towards the door. He wondered what the weather was going to be like in Buffalo.

His earphone abrupted changed from Christmas music to a ringing noise as he entered the plane. He grabbed his phone from his pocket and pressed _answer_ on the incoming call.

“Mom? Wait, give me a second, let me take out my headphones.” Patrick swiped out of his music and unplugged his headphones from his phone and balled them up and shoved them back in his pocket.

“Okay I’m back, but I just got on the plane, so I don’t have long,” Pat said returning to the call.

“Sorry honey, I just have a quick question I wanted confirmation on before you got home,” Donna replied, her voice light. He could picture her at home, probably sitting in the car in the driveway on her way back from running errands.

“And???” Pat held the word a little longer than usual to indicate that she needed to get to it. He shuffled down the aisle of plane, half looking at his ticket to confirm what row he was in, half scanning the sides of the plane in search for it.

“Well,” she started, almost like she trying to stall. “Well I got this call from Amanda today…”

Pat almost stopped dead in the middle of the plane. Amanda? Why the fuck was she calling his mom? His heartbeat picked up a little bit, adrenaline rushing through him like it would at the start of overtime. He tried to wrack his brain for what reason she possibly would’ve had to call and what she could’ve told her. He didn’t think that things had ended poorly between them to the point where she’d be calling and airing their dirty laundry to his mom. Lost in thought he realized he had missed the rest of what his mom said.

“Sorry, can you repeat that? I missed it.”

“I said,” putting emphasis on the word, “that she had just called to wish the family a Merry Christmas. And that it felt weird not to be hearing from us these past few weeks and she just wanted to give all of us – even you Pat – her best for the New Year. She seemed good, not upset or anything, it just seemed like she wanted to say goodbye or something. So, I just wanted to check in with you to confirm that she knew you guys had broken up and didn’t think it was like a break or anything. Or is it a break? I didn’t get the sense from you that it was one but-”.

Patrick cut her off. “No mom, it’s not a break. She knows that. You’re right, she probably just wanted to say goodbye or something, I don’t know. But we aren’t on a break, she knows that.”

“Okay… Well then I just don’t understand why you didn’t want to tell us about it. Like she seemed to be good, she didn’t say anything negative about you or anything, and I doubt she would’ve called if she had cheated or anything, so…” she lingered off, thought unfinished.

“Mom,” Patrick started. He could hear the volume in his voice increase to the point where anybody around him had likely overheard him. “Will you stop? Please? She didn’t cheat, it wasn’t anything like that. It-” he cut himself off, worried he’d say something that would set off more questions. He paused for a second before continuing, “We’ll talk about it when I get home, I promise. Just please don’t worry about it too much okay? It was my decision. But I really do have to go, anything else that can’t wait till tonight?”

He could hear his mom let out a small sigh on the other end. “Pat… I just- I just want to make sure everything is okay with you. I just want to make sure you’re happy. It’s a mom thing, I don’t want you to come home brokenhearted or anything.”

“Mom, I love you, but I’m fine. Really. We’ll talk tonight, go do your last-minute errands or whatever else I’m sure you’re off to do right now. But I gotta go, I’ll text you when we land, love you, bye,” Pat answered before hitting _end_ on the call. He let out a sigh of his own before turning his attention back towards the sections before finding his and making his way towards it. He threw his bag in the overhead before trying to squeeze into the center seat.

“Sorry, excuse me,” Patrick said, directing his attention towards the man in the aisle seat.

“Kaner?” Patrick was so taken aback by the nickname it took him a few seconds before realize Jonny was the one who had said it.

“Jonny?!” Patrick responded in bewilderment.

“I thought that was your voice, but I was, uhhh,” Jonny stammered out, seemingly equally as confused as Patrick was. He rose out of his seat to let Patrick scoot by before continuing, “but I was trying not the eavesdrop, so I wasn’t sure. Everything okay?” genuinely curious.

Patrick was still in such shock that not only Jonny was on this plane, but that Jonny was not only on the plane, but he also happened to be sitting directly next to him. And to top it all off, he probably heard at least Pat’s side of the phone call. Fucking fantastic.

“Dude, are you stalking me? How the fuck… Oh my God, just kill me. Just kill me.” Leave it to the world to basically tell Pat, “hey, I know you’ve been kind of avoiding this guy for the last few days, but fuck you, enjoy a three-hour flight sitting directly next to him”.

Jonny’s expression shifted a little bit. He looked mad, which given Pat’s response was fair, but he also looked a little confused and concerned.

“Pat, I don’t know what I did to make you so frustrated with me, but can we just put it aside for this flight and figure it out when we get back in Chicago? Please? Please Pat? I know there’s way worse people you could be sitting next to on this flight than me.”

Jonny looked a little desperate for Pat’s confirmation, but Pat couldn’t really give it. The last thing he needed right now was to be sitting next to Jonny on this plane. What if he accidentally fell asleep on his shoulder again like he had hundreds of times over the past ten years? He couldn’t deal with this right now. He wasn’t going to be able to do this. He just prayed that Jonny wasn’t going to try and talk to him about the phone call he had probably just overheard.

He looked back at Jonny. He was stilling giving Pat that desperate look for confirmation.

“Okay,” Pat nodded in agreement, trying to reassure himself more than reassure Jonny at the moment. “Okay, we’re good,” he said and watched that look leave Jonny’s face. He’d be fine, only a three-hour flight, no way Jonny was going to Buffalo too. He took a deep breath and settled in for takeoff.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personal life and the New Year got in the way a little bit with this, I apologize. But. we're back! (and hopefully on a more regular schedule) Enjoy!

The plane had been in the air for all of 15 minutes by the time Jonny had mentally decided that he’d rather parachute out of the plane than continue the next two and a half hours on this flight.

The two of them had sat in relative silence since takeoff. Patrick had pulled out his iPad and started reading a book on it in an attempt to avoid conversation, and while Jonny normally would’ve respected his attempt at solitude, something was up with Patrick and Jonny was going to figure it out. Or at the very least, he was going to make Patrick talk to him in that easy, banter type way they often did on team flights so that even when they weren’t carrying a conversation, things didn’t feel heavy between them.

What Jonny really wanted to ask him was why he was on this flight in the first place. Like, Patrick had no connection to Pittsburgh that he knew about whatsoever, so it didn’t make any sense _unless_ he going to home Buffalo for the break. But, that itself seemed odd because as much as Pat loves and misses his family, – and that’s not even up for debate, Jonny thought back to how lost Patrick had been for the whole holiday season their rookie year – since he had been with Amanda the two of them had always stayed back in Chicago. Patrick was obsessed with Christmas and would always go all out in attempt to decorate his apartment, even before he was dating Amanda, and she had been similar in her love for the Yuletide so the two of them usually made a big to-do about it.

Basically, what Jonny really wanted to know was what was going on with Pat because something was up, but Jonny knew that if he asked him something that might seem invasive like that than Patrick was just going to shut down on him again. But Jonny couldn’t just continue to sit in this awkward, heavy silence for the duration of the flight, so he decided to speak up.

“Kaner, what book you reading? I’ve been looking for one to start but I haven’t really been able to get into any.” Jonny knew that it was a weak, transparent attempt to start a conversation, but hey, it broke the silence so that was progress.

Kaner looked up from what he was reading and surveyed Jonny’s face for a moment or two, like he was trying to read into Jonny’s intentions for asking him that question. He quickly hit the power button on it and placed it face down on his lap before answering Jonny’s question.

“I don’t know, just some book Jackie read and recommended to me. I said I have it finished before…” Patrick started before lingering off. Jonny kept his focus on Pat, trying to force him into continuing, and after a few seconds, he did, “Anyway, she wanted ‘a guy’s perspective’ on it. So naturally,” Pat said, motioning with his hand at himself, letting a stupid smile emerge over his face.

Jonny laughed at that. But, Patrick had set Jonny up with the opportunity to make the perfect chirp in response, and Jonny wasn’t going to miss that chance dammit.

“So why’d she ask you then? She has my number.” Jonny delivered back with ease, this time letting a stupid grin overtake his face.

“Oh shut the fuck up, I knew you were gonna say that! I knew you were going to say that,” he leaned back in fake agony and gave Jonny a shove, but he couldn’t help but laugh it as well. “But anyway, she needed somebody who wasn’t emotionally stunted. And besides, it’s not a book that you’d like anyway. There’s nothing about ‘self-help’,” Pat responded, using finger quotes around the term self-help. It was low hanging fruit in terms of chirping at this point in their friendship, but Jonny was about to make a crack at the undoubtedly Young Adult nature of this book, since that’s the only type of book Patrick would read, so it was fair game.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a minute. It was nice though, it didn’t feel like the one they had been in before this conversation.

Jonny was wrestling with his thoughts, he knew he had an opening to ask Patrick if was going back to Buffalo or not, but he didn’t want it to create any unnecessary frustration or whatever Patrick’s deal was.

He usually wore his emotions on his sleeves, even that first year when the two of them were at each other’s throats, Jonny was usually able to tell when something was up with Patrick, whether he was nervous or sad or excited or frustrated, and Patrick hadn’t been shy about hiding them much since then. He remembered how Patrick had looked on the ice after losing to Canada in the Olympics, and how it sucked all the joy Jon had about winning right out him. He was trying to be strong, but he couldn’t hide his devastation. Jon went over to give him a hug and to tell him that he had played great (which he had, even if Pat thought otherwise. Jonny was the same way though, so he couldn’t fault Pat for that.) and remembered how Pat had kind of collapsed under his grasp, choking back tears as he congratulated Jon. He couldn’t recall a time that they had ever talked about those Olympics, obviously Pat didn’t want to, and every time Jonny even looked at his medal the image and memories of Kaner came rushing back to him. He _hated_ it. After the season ended and he went back to Winnipeg, he gave the medal to his parents because he just didn’t want that reminder anymore.

Patrick would probably be pissed at Jonny if he knew that, not wanting to be that one to taint that memory for him, just like how he had tried to put on a strong face for Jonny and congratulate him, but his emotions wouldn’t allow it. It wasn’t fair to blame Kaner either, Jonny knew other guys didn’t feel that type of way towards beating their teammates and their friends, so it was more of a personal matter than anything else he guessed.

Jonny’s face must’ve been mirroring the memory and the thoughts that had flooded into his brain because all of a sudden Kaner’s voice started pulling him back.

“Jon? Yo Jonny, Jonny? You good?” He was shaking his hand in front of Jonny’s face but there was a sense of nervousness in his tone.

“Huh?” Jonny spoke up, turning his attention back between the two of them. “Sorry, you just reminded me of something and I guess I zoned out.”

A puzzled look crossed Patrick’s face, like he was looking for Jonny to elaborate, but Jonny had already moved past it.

“So, are you heading home to Buffalo for the break?” It didn’t leave Jonny’s mouth the way that he wanted it too, he was aiming for casual, but he didn’t think it came out as him fishing for any information or anything, so even if it did come across as a blatant attempt at a conversation change, he figured it could be worse.

Patrick shifted in his seat a little bit, almost looking uncomfortable with the question. He tucked one of his legs under the other and turned towards Jonny.

“Uhh, yeah. It’s been awhile since I’ve been home on Christmas, kinda figured why not, you know?” Patrick shifted in his seat again. He looked uncomfortable, but airplane seats were not made for hockey player, even ones Patrick’s size.

“What about you,” Patrick said when Jonny didn’t respond. “Connection to Winterpeg? Or are you planning to spend it with your Canadian mancrush Crosby?” A smirk made a way onto his face, probably because he thought he managed to chirp Jonny twice in the same sentence.

Jonny couldn’t help but give Patrick his captain stare and then give him an eyeroll because Patrick was a loser. Of course, Patrick erupted into laughter.

Jonny wasn’t going to touch the Winterpeg comment, but he had to defend himself about the Crosby one, because Sidney _was not_ his mancrush. Sure, they bonded during the Olympics, and they shared Captain tips in the early years of their captaincy, and then there was their concussions, so they helped support each other and all that. But, that didn’t make him Jonny’s mancrush. No no no, he had better taste than that. And now that he had tied him and Kaner in Cup wins? Nope, fuck that, next.

“He’s not my ‘mancrush’, Kaner,” Jonny replied.

“Lying isn’t becoming of you Tazer. _Tisk-tisk_. And right before Christmas?!” Kaner exclaimed with a dramatic gasp. Jonny hated him sometimes. “You’re basically asking Santa to give you coal. Is that what you really want to wake up to? Hmm?” Kaner finished, trying to be obnoxious as possible.

Jonny wasn’t even going to dignify that with a response, so he shot Kaner a look again, which Patrick laughed at, again.

“Anyway, you child,” Kaner scoffed before Jonny finished. “I’m not ‘spending Christmas with Crosby’, that sounds like a shitty Lifetime movie, or actually, no, that one with Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis-” Kaner cut him off.

“Christmas with the Kranks?! Jonny. That is a Christmas classic! Oh my God, I’m appalled, do I even know you? I’m going to need to reevaluate this friendship, I don’t know if I can get past this. Wow, _Shitty Lifetime movie,_ imagine! Imagine thinking that. I knew you had terrible opinions, but Jonny, I’m shocked by this development,” Kaner reacted in feigned shock. Kaner was nothing if not dramatic. Jonny actually thought he was funny whenever he was being over the top with it, but he wasn’t going to give Kaner the satisfaction of letting him know that.

“Anyway, as I was saying, no, I’m not going to spend Christmas in Pittsburgh with Crosby. I’m going to spend it with Lindsey’s family, she’s already out there,” Jonny finished.

“Oh,” Kaner shuffled in his seat again, Jonny wanted to grab him and yell at him to sit still. “I thought you wanted to go home this year, I thought I heard you mention something to Seabs a few weeks back, so I just figured you guys would be going there.”

Jonny turned his head from Kaner towards the seat in front of him, because yeah, that’s what he wanted to do. That’s what he should be doing, but he didn’t bring it up to Lindsey in time. He didn’t want Kaner to think it was her fault.

“Yeah,” Jonny said, kind of quietly. He turned back to Patrick. “We had talked about it, but spending it with her family is kind of tradition, so…” Jonny lingered off.

“Oh, well that’s, _kind of_ bullshit, don’t you think?” Pat replied, clearly mocking the ‘tradition’ remark. “Like, what do you mean tradition? It’s been what? Three years? She gets to see her family way more than you see yours, like we have a longer break than usual, you guys should’ve went to Winnipeg. I mean, that seems fair to me.”

“Maybe,” Jonny shrugged. He didn’t want it to seem like he was throwing her under the bus, but he couldn’t really fake that he was okay with it. “But, it is tradition, we’ve done it the past few years, so it seemed right-”, Patrick cut Jonny off again.

“Don’t be a martyr Jonny,” suddenly sounding fiercely serious. “If you wanted to go home, you should’ve went home. She should’ve been okay with that. You give up so much, she should’ve let you have this.”

The tone in Kaner’s voice was weird. Jonny couldn’t place it, but it was almost like a mix between serious, frustrated, and _fond_? Like he was defending Jonny or something. It was weird. But regardless, he was definitely not happy with Lindsey, which wasn’t fair.

“Don’t be an asshole Kaner,” Jonny responded.

“Don’t get mad at me, Jonny. If it was me, we,” he said, motioning between the two of them, “would’ve been heading to Winnipeg no discussion needed,” Kaner said back. He bit his bottom lip, like he was nervous or something, which made no sense, but it was Kaner, so making no sense was to be expected.

“Well, I’m sorry that me and Lindsey aren’t you and Amanda, Pat,” Jonny replied, tightening his voice. He was jealous that Kaner got to go home for Christmas, but he didn’t want him to know that.

He looked back at Kaner, who almost looked hurt. Kaner shifted in his seat again, not meeting eye contact with him. Jonny diverted his attention back towards the seat in front of him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Jonny felt like he should apologize or something, he didn’t really know why, but clearly what he said wasn’t what he should’ve said. He glanced at Kaner again, who had pulled out his phone and was typing away on it. Jonny turned back and tried to see if Pat would say something back to him.

He didn’t.

Jonny looked back over at Patrick. He had put his phone away and his iPad was tucked in between the seat cushion. His attention had turned towards the window, and Jonny had flown with Pat long enough to know that was his “don’t talk to me” maneuver.

He’d seen it after far too many games after Pat had played poorly, or the team had played poorly, and Pat had blamed himself. Or after somebody got hurt. Or after they both had flown back to Chicago after the Sochi Olympics together. Or, most notably, during the stretch of away games after his grandpa died and he didn’t want to talk to anybody about it, or really talk to anybody about anything unless it was hockey related. Jonny forced him to crash at his place for a few days after they got back from that road trip, just so that he wouldn’t have to be alone at his place. Jonny had felt hopeless seeing Patrick like that and hearing his sniffles and quiet sobs through the door of the guestroom, but he didn’t feel right invading Pat’s privacy by doing anything other than just being around in case Patrick wanted to talk about it.

“Pat,” Jonny’s voice cut through the silence. “Pat, c’mon, look at me.”

His voice was low, but Pat turned his head back towards Jonny, putting a finger in front of his lips gesturing _shhhh_ , tilting his head towards the man passed out asleep in seat next to Patrick, and oh, Jonny had kind of forgotten about him.

Pat looked like he was going to speak up again though, but suddenly the plane shook with turbulence, bringing Jonny back to the reality of the situation, reminding him that he was on plane with a few hundred-other people.

The cabin stabled itself just long enough for Patrick to let out a sigh of relief, before it shook again, harder, and more sustained than it had just a moment before.

“Fuck, we’re gonna die, we’re gonna die” Patrick let out. Jonny knew how much he hated flying, but given their jobs it had basically became a necessary evil in his life. Jonny had actually laughed the first time Pat had explained it to him after getting settled into a hotel room early in their rookie year, he thought he was joking with him given Pat’s hockey history and the fact that travelling was a huge part of their job. He said he never shied away from doing it, it was just that while he was doing it he tried his best to forget he was doing it.

And, because Jonny was used to flying with Kaner so much, he knew pretty damn well how much he hated turbulence. He’d immediately grab the armrests and basically white knuckle them, as if that would save him. He looked down to see that Pat doing the same thing now.

Admittedly, this turbulence was worse than Jonny was used to, too. He glanced around and saw that move people around them seemed pretty shaken up by it as well.

Another jolt of turbulence rocked the plane.

Jonny’s immediate reaction was to reach down and grab Patrick’s hand, and he felt Patrick grab back. Pat’s other hand had reached over and grabbed Jonny’s forearm as well, as if to stabilize himself. For a moment it made Jonny feel good, he felt a sort of warmth in his chest, like he had been there to help Patrick, shown him he was there for him. Or maybe he felt like it showed him that Patrick wasn’t that upset with him.

The turbulence calmed down after a few seconds, but Jonny couldn’t let go. It was like he just needed Pat to know he was safe. He felt Kaner’s grasp on his forearm weaken and his hand pull away from that area, but his hand in Jonny’s hand had stayed. Patrick gave his hand a squeeze and pulled it away a few seconds later.

“Thanks Jonny.” Patrick looked nervous, his eyes dashed around Jon’s face, avoiding eye contact, and he was chewing on his bottom lip again.

“Yeah Kaner, don’t mention it. We’re good. Nothing major,” Jonny said back, half to Pat, half to himself. Pat nodded in response.

The pilot’s voice came over the speakers.

“Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your Pilot speaking. It seems we’ve come across a very large and sudden storm, with snow and wind gusts up to 40 miles per hour. With snow and weather conditions uncertain the rest of the way to Pittsburgh at this time, to be safe, air traffic control had diverted this flight to Bozeman, Montana because of the inclement weather patterns. We’re sorry for the inconvenience and hope to get everyone home in time for the holidays as soon as possible.”

An array of sighs and groans overtook the airplane. Kaner leaned in to Jonny and after a few seconds whispered, “Montana? Isn’t that like, west? So, we’re flying west to fly east? That makes sense.”

He didn’t sound mad or anything, almost reclined to his Montana fate. He didn’t think Pat was trying to calm him down or anything, it was typical Pat to not worry about things he couldn’t change, so it was pretty much the response Jonny would’ve guessed he’d have. But either way, the fact that what frustrated Pat more than anything was the fact that they had to fly west calmed Jonny’s nerves and settled his anger for the time being. Geography was the last thing he was thinking about during that message.

He tilted his head back towards Pat, who was still leaning against him, likely waiting for a response. “Too bad they couldn’t have got us to Chicago, eh? At least that way we wouldn’t have to crash in the airport.”

Pat pulled back quickly, suddenly thinking about the ramifications of this flight divergence. “I am _not_ ,” he enunciated, “sleeping in Bozeman airport. It’s Montana, it’s probably small as fuck and smells like Montana.”

Jonny let out a laugh, because what the fuck did that even mean.

“Kaner, have you ever even been to Montana?”

“No, but that’s beside the point. We are not sleeping in Montana’s pride and joy: Bozeman airport,” Kaner replied, voice dead serious.

“Oh my God, you’re ridiculous,” Jonny laughed. Kaner’s list of concerns about this whole thing were basically the last two things Jonny was concerned about. He was going to have to call Lindsey, who was probably going to be pissed, so that was going to be fun. And, he was going to have to get set up with a new flight, which was going to be a hassle. Kaner pulled him from his thoughts again.

“Fine, you can sleep in the airport. Check it off your bucket list, _Sleep in an airport in Montana, check_ ,” he said in a mocking tone. Jonny laughed again, Patrick is such a loser. He wished the guys could see this. Patrick continued, “Either way, I will not be sleeping in the airport. Absolutely not.”

“Okay, Kaner, let me know how that search goes, I’m sure _tons_ of hotel rooms near the airport will be empty, with it be right before the holidays and all. And, I’m sure the other hundred-something people on this plane will also not be trying to get a room tonight. Yeah, you’ll be fine for sure.”

Now it was Patrick’s turn to eyeroll back at him. “Sarcasm isn’t going to help this situation Jonathan.”

Jonny laughed again and waited for the plane to land so he could call Lindsey and break the news. He wasn’t as upset about it as he thought he would’ve been, a low-key Christmas Eve day in Montana with Kaner could be fun.


	5. Chapter 5

“Oh shit,” Kaner yelped as they got off the plane and made their way down the makeshift hallway leading to the airport, then turning towards Jonny, “it’s so cold!”

“Are you a dumbass? Wait, don’t answer that. But no shit Kaner; it’s Montana, not the Caribbean,” Jonny responded, not even looking at Pat.

Truth be told, Jonny was feeling cold as well and his only thought at the moment was trying to get inside the actual building, but he wasn’t going let Kaner chirp him over that.

Once they made their way into the airport they stopped and scanned the room for some empty seats just to put their stuff down. It was pretty busy, but most of the people seemed to be up and moving around, probably getting on flights or making their way to the exits for taxis and whatever other mode of transportation they could find to get them the hell out of the airport.

“Busier than I thought,” Patrick spoke up, clearly thinking the same thing as Jonny was, “but, just as small as a I thought too. Montana, _uhhhhhh_ ,” Patrick gave an exaggerated shudder to show his distaste for Montana. Then he made his way towards an empty seat, or at least that’s the impression Jonny was working under since Kaner started walking away without notice.

Pretty soon it became apparent to Jonny that Patrick wasn’t making his way towards any empty seats, so Jonny reached out and grabbed his backpack to stop him. “Dude, where are you going?”

“Umm, towards the help desk? You know, that place that’ll get us our new tickets? Since, you know, our flight got rerouted, to Montana.” Jonny could only nod, he hadn’t really thought about how the airline would be putting them on a new flight, he just figured that was something he was going to have to figure out. Patrick must not have taken his nod for an answer though because he continued on, “You remember? The pilot told us to go to the help desk and have them get us all situated on a new flight? The flight, that thing you need to be on before Christmas, so your girlfriend doesn’t break up with you for ruining her Christmas? Yeah, that thing,” he nodded again before finishing. “So, can you like, let go of my backpack so we can go figure that out?” Kaner finished, nodding his head towards the help desk.

Jonny let go of his backpack. He had completely missed that message. He was probably thinking about the list of things he needed to do once he got into the airport while that was happened. Luckily Kaner had been there to hear that. _Huh, first time for everything_ , Jonny thought.

Patrick had continued walking towards the help desk, so Jonny had to jog a little bit to catch up with him and then try to fall into step with him.

“She wouldn’t break up with me because I missed Christmas, Kaner,” Jonny felt the need to defend her, even though that remark wasn’t particularly important at the moment.

“Sure she would Jonny, you would’ve _‘broke tradition’_ ,” Kaner said, putting his voice in that mocking tone again that Jonny wasn’t particularly fond of, but refusing eye contact with Jonny as he said it.

Jonny bumped Kaner’s shoulder trying to get his attention, he was going to say something and it kind of felt important to get Patrick’s full reaction to it.

“Pat, do you not like Lindsey? I thought you guys have always gotten along fine, but I’m kind of getting the sense that you don’t. And like I said earlier, Lindsey and I are not you and Amanda, so can you just drop that?” When he said that earlier Pat had pretty much shut down on him, but it felt important for some reason to say that again.

And it wasn’t wrong, Patrick and Amanda were both very independent people, they were completely fine with not always being around each other, not being all up in the other’s business, but still very much in love with one another.

Well, he figured that last part was true, since according to Sharpy, Patrick had been thinking about proposing to her. But Jonny and Lindsey were different. Lindsey was really Jonny’s first serious relationship, I mean, aside from hockey. He was willing to put everything he had to give into their relationship because she deserved it. She was so good with him during hockey season, always allowing him to put hockey, and the team, first. She understood his role as captain, and that was something he loved about her, no other girl he had casually dated every really understood that aspect. That’s part of why he loved her; why he wanted to marry her. So, when she asked things of him, like say, spending Christmas with her family, he had a really hard time saying no because of how often she let him put himself first. That was a fair trade he thought. That was compromise, that was a relationship, and fuck Kaner if he thought she was being greedy or whatever, he just didn’t get that part.

“Okay A) Jonny,” Patrick started up, breaking Jonny away from his thoughts, “it’s funny that now you’re the one that wants _me_ to drop it,” he stopped, a few feet away from the help desk to finish his point. “B), it’s not that I don’t like Lindsey, she’s fine. She’s hot, she’s funny, she’s great about hockey – I know you appreciate that part – she’s sweet too, for the most part anyway, but, she isn’t a great girlfriend to you. Honestly man. She takes, takes, _takes_ , from you. Like this,” waiving his hands in the air, motioning to the airport, “she should’ve been okay with going to see your family for once, like c’mon, how many times has she met your family when they weren’t in Chicago, huh?” He paused, but clearly wasn’t expected or wanted a response, because he continued, “And you do it because she respects your hockey job or whatever bullshit reason you tell yourself, don’t front,” he looked at Jonny, using an accusing tone when Jonny’s face reacted in some way. “It’s not compromise, that’s not a relationship. Because anybody you’re with - hell, anybody I’m with – needs to recognize that hockey comes first, at least for now. But someday, it’s gonna end. Which sucks to think about, but whatever, that’s a fact even if we play till we’re Jagr’s age. And then we’ll do some other job, or maybe we won’t, but then we’ll have time and money that we can do stuff together, like any other job. And she holds hockey over your head like that, and you just let her! It’s not fair to you, and you guilt yourself into thinking she’s right about it!” Kaner finally finished, visibly upset over it, raising his voice while he talked.

Jonny was taken aback by what Patrick had said because – wow. He wasn’t expecting that. And, he didn’t 100% disagree either. He didn’t realize how well Kaner had known what Jonny was thinking, it was weird. But, it wasn’t fair at all for him to think that’s what Lindsey was doing, because it wasn’t. And even if it was, she had every right too for the time being. And, that was a relationship, it was compromise. Kaner probably hadn’t compromised on anything between him and Amanda.

Jonny was going to speak up and say that when Kaner spoke up again.

“And C),” he said quietly, looking up to meet Jonny’s eyes, then speaking with a sudden confidence, “I broke up with Amanda.” He paused, seemingly taking in the surprised look that had taken over Jonny’s face, before continuing, talking a little faster now, almost nervously, “sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, but if it makes you feel any better the only other person who I told was my mom. But, she relayed that to the rest of the Kane’s, so that makes you like the 6th? Yeah, the 6th, to know so… Anyway, I know you and Lindsey aren’t me and Amanda, but don’t just let her hand hockey over your head, okay? That’s all I’m saying.”

He turned and then made his way towards the desk, not waiting for a response, leaving Jonny a step behind to process what he had just said.

\---

Patrick’s relationships had always been different than Jonny’s. He had more, that was for sure, but they were shorter. They’d only last a month or two before they burned out. Other times they were more like a fling, continuing long enough that Jonny often had to question if they were a thing or if they weren’t a thing, if it was worth asking Pat to double date so he could meet her. Usually it wasn’t a thing worth meeting her over, but on the off chance it was, the two would usually part ways shortly after they met.

Also, Patrick picked up on the road way more than Jonny would, which, wasn’t all that fair of a comparison. Even before he met Lindsey Jonny would rarely pick up, it wasn’t really worth the trouble as far as he was concerned, putting in all that effort to get to know some girl just to never speak to her again after that night. It wasn’t really Jonny’s style. He had done it a few times, sure, but mostly begrudgingly because the guys were being annoying about it, or because he had gotten drunk and seen most of the other guys pick up that night, and he’d kind of feel left out or something; it’s hard to work out whatever emotions you’re working through when you’re hammered. Regardless, Jonny preferred just hanging out with the guys in the bar shooting the shit to wading through the crowd trying to find a girl. One of the perks of dating was that he had a valid reason as to why he wasn’t doing that.

Patrick was different though. He loved going out, he loved the party vibe, he loved getting drunk and dancing. He’d look like an idiot while doing it, but he owned it. That was the thing Jonny always noticed about Pat, whatever he did he would own it, he wouldn’t give a shit what people thought because he was being 100% him. When the guys would mock him, he would just laugh and do it more obnoxiously, like the Kaner shuffle for instance. That was a very real dance move for Patrick, and it was **awful** , just embarrassingly bad, but he just kept doing it and now half the team knew how to do it, it was still a joke, but a joke Kaner was in on, and he still used it. Hell, it would probably be his first wedding dance. It was so authentically Patrick, stupid and lame but hysterical, and real, neverchanging, and at this point, kind of loveable. It was so weird, but, so was Pat.

So yeah, Patrick’s style with things was: 1) do something ridiculous, 2) get mocked for it, 3) not give a shit, do it more obnoxiously, and finally 4) own it so much that eventually the people around him don’t find it as ridiculous anymore.

Pat had stopped picking up a few years ago though. He was still himself, drinking and dancing and all that, but when the rest of the guys would catch a cab with a girl, Pat would catch a cab with Jonny and some of the guys and head back to the hotel. More often than not, he’d finish the night at the booth or table or whatever with the guys, and be in on the decision when to head home for the night.

Jonny asked him about it once, just casually, since a few of the guys had been talking about it. It felt like the “captain” thing to do, just to make sure everything was all good. He had shrugged it off though, saying that he was kind of just done with doing that, “want something real I guess? You know?”. And that was that. Jonny guessed that it had something to do with his escapade in Madison because of the timing of it, but he never asked. And it was during that season that he met Amanda, so his reasoning matched up.

Jonny wondered if that would change now that they were broken up. It would be weird if he did, at least for Jonny. For so long the ‘Hawks had paired them together, being the face of the franchise and all that, but they were both really different. Not that it was a bad thing, but Jonny liked the feeling that they were kind of growing up together at this point. It was weird for him when he got named captain and Kaner was still Kaner, he felt like he was expected to act older, even when he was only in his early twenties. He was sure it felt weird for Kaner too, back when they would room together, and Jonny would go back to being himself around Patrick. But, now that they were both in serious relationships, or _were in serious relationships_ he should say, it was nice. It finally felt like they were back on the same track together, like they had been their rookie year.

Jonny had lost tract of what was going on at the help desk, still kind of reeling from the news Patrick had just matter-of-factly dropped on him when all of a sudden, when he was brought back by something the employee said.

“Wait, sorry to cut you off, but did you say our next flight out was Sunday at 4:00pm? That’s Christmas Eve…” he finished, looking at Patrick for confirmation as well.

“Yes sir. I’m sorry, but it’s the earliest flight to Pittsburgh we have out of here at the moment because all flights between here and the East have been grounded because of the weather. If another one becomes available I can try to change your flight, but for now that’s the best I can do. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” Patrick eventually spoke up, reading Jonny’s thoughts on his face, “Do you uhh, know of any places around here that we can crash at for the night? I’m not sure this guy’s,” he said smacking Jonny on the shoulder, “back won’t survive a night on the floor here.”

“Understandable,” he said with a laugh, although the laugh may have been a result of the daggers Jonny was shooting Patrick at the moment, because of course all he would be concerned about right now was sleeping accommodations.

“The airport will provide you with vouchers for accommodations for places to stay tonight, but, I do recommend calling soon, because with this many flight cancellations, vacancy’s will fill up,” the man finished. Patrick shoved Jonny to the side, clearly realizing that Jonny was frozen to his spot, in his head about the flight delay, so that the next group of people could get help at the desk.

“Jonny, look at me,” Kaner said, actually snapping his fingers in attempt to pull Jonny from his thoughts. Jonny was embarrassed to admit that it worked.

“Jonny, listen to me, okay? I know this sucks, and I know that Lindsey is going to be pissed at this situation, but there’s nothing we can do about it, okay? Seriously. Think about it like that was last period, we can’t dwell on it, we just have to play this period now,” he was nodding a Jonny, trying to get Jonny to nod back. He had a point, there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. Jonny nodded back.

“Okay? So, here’s what we are going to do,” Kaner continued, “You’re going to go call Lindsey and break the news. Because you just need to get that out of the way. Rip off the band-aid. Be the Grinch,”.

“Be the Grinch? That doesn’t help Kaner!” Jonny tossed back at him.

“Well, it doesn’t really hurt either, so, argument sustained. Anyway, while you do that, I’m gonna go find an outlet, because my phones about to die, and then I’m going to find us a place to stay- don’t roll your eyes at me, this is something we can focus on, and I refuse! Refuse, Jonny. To sleep here tonight – so I’m going to go do that. Then I’ll find you, or you find me or whatever, and then we’ll go to the hotel. And maybe eat too, since I’m gonna need to do that…” Kaner lingered off.

“And then we’ll get to the hotel and I’ll find a new flight out of here,” Jonny finished with. Because he could not wait until 4pm on Christmas Eve.

“That’s the attitude Jonny! Break!” Kaner said, setting off on his quest for an outlet.

Jonny was pretty certain Kaner’s plan was doomed for failure, but at least he had come up with one. Jonny would probably be crashed out in some waiting seat at the moment fighting with Lindsey on the phone, accepting the fact that his back was going to be fucked up by sleeping in that chair for the night. So, small victory he guessed. Something about silver linings and cloudy days or whatever.

At least that’s what he told himself as he sat down to call Lindsey.

\---

Patrick waded his way between the crowds of people searching for an outlet. His phone was at 8%, which wasn’t ideal for checking the internet to find hotels, much less making phone calls to then get one. Plus, if he was going to be stuck in Montana, having a dead cell phone wasn’t going to cut it, that was for certain.

Also, he may have stolen the last plug-in on the outlet from an unassuming older woman, but hey, it was survival of the fittest out here! If you can’t take the heat, get out of the airport. He felt bad for a brief second, but didn’t really have it in him to feel guilty about it, so the feeling went away pretty quickly.

The outlet was one of those fancy standing types with about ten or twelve sockets, all of which were now taken. Everybody else had seemed to have had faith in other people because they just left their phones, or iPads, or computers alone, under the watchful eye of absolutely nobody. Stuff like that definitely didn’t happen in Chicago, but Pat wasn’t going to complain because it meant he had some privacy while he leaned up against the wall and searched for a hotel.

About 35 minutes had gone by when Patrick slumped down against the wall and pronounced his hotel dreams dead. It wasn’t that everything was sold out, I mean, everything was sold out, but it more Montana’s fault than anything for only having like three operating hotels in a major city, at least by their standards.

He took in the room while thinking about his next plan of action. There were a lot of couples, some families with younger kids- Patrick loved kids. He figured it had something to do with growing up with three younger sisters. He was good with kids too. One of the best parts of his job, hockey aside, was getting to do stuff with the community, hockey with the kids, visiting kids at the hospital, meet and greets. He knew some guys didn’t like to do all that stuff, but he always looked forward to it, it was fun for him, getting to feel like a person and not just an athlete. He liked it when the fans got to see him for who he was, not just as the guy wearing 88, or the guy who was a fuck up in Madison.

Patrick definitely wanted to have kids, not now, that was for sure, but in maybe five years or so, once hockey was coming to an end. He didn’t really think he’d be able to though, logistically. He’d been trying to make peace with it since he accepted that, but he wasn’t there yet. But it wasn’t exactly the biggest concern he faced right now anyway, that was just looking a few hurdles ahead.

It was hard though, watching the other guys have kids, like Crow, or even Sharpy, who’s kids were starting to grow up. Maddie was basically a human now, which was crazy. He didn’t know how it would be when Jonny had it kid, he’d probably be equal parts excited for him and devastated, because Jonny had been such a huge part of his life over the past ten years, begrudgingly at times for sure, but seeing Jonny get to that next stage in his life and kind of leaving Patrick behind would probably be hard. At least he’d have the rookies though, Kitty wasn’t going to go become a dad anytime soon.

Trying to break his mind from that unproductive train of thought, he unlocked his phone and started calling his mom. He wasn’t necessarily calling her for any reason other than to give his mind something else to focus on, but once the phone started ringing he realized he probably should tell her about the whole flight cancellation thing.

“Patrick?” Donna’s voice called through the phone.

“Hey Mom.”

“I was checking the weather and heard about the massive snowstorm, I was hoping your flight was going to make it, but, seeing as how you should be in the air right now I’m assuming you’re calling to say you didn’t?” Donna replied, sounding resigned to his impending answer.

Patrick laughed, of course she was watching the weather for him. That’s what mom’s do. “Yeah Mom, we got rerouted. _To Montana_.”

“Aww Pat. I’m so sorry, that sucks, I know how much you wanted to come home for Christmas. Do you know when you’ll get out of there?” she responded. She seemed more upset for Patrick than he was. At least he wasn’t completely alone.

“Yeah, uhh, it’s Christmas Eve. At 4pm, which is like 7 eastern. And that’s just to Pittsburgh, so I might check for new flights and see if I can find one direct from here to Buffalo. But based on the status of hotel rooms here, I’m not feeling too optimistic about my chances,” he replied.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. But at least if nothing changes you’ll at least have Christmas day with us, I’d hate for you to spend your whole Christmas break alone.”

“Yeah, hopefully everything gets sorted out and I can make it home, but, umm, I’m not alone. I’m actually with Jonny, he was on the same flight as me,” Patrick responded, shifted in his spot along the wall to give more room to some guy who came to check his phone.

“Jonny?” she responded, “Like, our Jonathan?”

“I don’t know what you mean by ‘our Jonathan’, but yeah, Tazer,” he responded with a laugh.

“Oh well that’s great honey! I didn’t realize he was coming with you but…” she started, seemingly shifting the phone or making her way out of a room. He gave her a second to continue.

“But I’m happy for you. Were you guys gonna, ummm…” she said lingering out.

Patrick had absolutely no idea what she was trying to get at. Absolutely none whatsoever. Moms were weird.

“Jonny’s not coming home for Christmas?” It came out as a question, only because it was such a ridiculous thought. Sure, Jonny had been to Buffalo a few times, but why would he come home for Christmas?

“Oh, he’s not? I just thought- I don’t know what I thought,” Donna replied. She seemed surprised at first, but then came back to her normal voice. Almost like she was trying to cover her misunderstanding or something. He wasn’t going to call her on it.

“Yeah…” Patrick replied, still confused about the whole thing. “Anyway, he was flying to Pittsburgh too, so he was on the same plane. But I’m not alone so at least I’ll have somebody to chill with before I sleep on the airport floor tonight,” he replied, half-jokingly.

“Oh, that won’t do,” a voice said from above him. Patrick’s head jolted up to look at the guy charging his phone above him.

He started to stand up, “Ummm sorry mom, I have to go. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Okay Pat. We love you, be safe,” she said before adding, “I’m glad you have Jonny there to keep you company,” and then hung up.

He placed his phone on the little table and looked back to the man who was still there, looking at him.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” Patrick said, not accusingly or anything, just wondering.

“Sorry,” the man said. He was older, but he seemed nice. “I couldn’t help but overhear your phone call. Are you looking for a room tonight?”

“Yeah,” Patrick said. He wasn’t too keen on the idea of spending the night at this man’s house, he’s seen horror movie all right. “But I think all the hotel rooms are booked, since Montana only has like 3 hotels in the entire state.”

The man laughed at that, before saying. “I know, tell me about it. But, I work around this area most of the year and I actually have friends who own a bed-and-breakfast in the area. It’s called, The Inn at Charles-Peak. Try calling them and saying that you’re a friend of Noel’s, I bet they’d be able to find you something.”

“Oh my God, that would be amazing. Thank you!” Patrick really wanted to hug this man, but he wasn’t sure the etiquette on hugging strangers. He’d offer an autograph or tickets or something, but he wasn’t sure this guy even recognized him so that might be awkward too he thought.

“Don’t mention it,” the guy laughed again. “This is just me paying it forward. See that guy over there, sitting next to the backpack?” Patrick looked over in the direction the man was looking towards, trying to find the guy he was looking at.

“Jonny?!” Patrick said, somewhat loudly and in shock. He turned back to the man, “The guy in the blue sweater? On the phone?”

“Yeah! You know him?” the man replied, with almost an equal amount of surprise.

“Yeah, you could say that,” Patrick let out a little breathy with short snicker. “He’s been my teammate, for like 11 years or so.”

“Oh,” the man said with a little more surprise than Patrick felt was warranted. The man’s eyes dashed around Patrick, like he was giving him a once over. “No ring?”

And, oh, maybe the guy did recognize him. Or maybe he didn’t, just knew he was athlete probably.

“Three actually,” Pat replied, letting a smile creep onto his face. The memory of winning the Cup would never not make him happy inside. “I leave mine at home though. Not really something I want to risk losing, you know?”

A smile mirrored on the man’s face as well. “That’s beautiful. I only have one myself, but I don’t wear it ‘cause it doesn’t fit on my finger anymore,” he replied with a belly laugh. “Anyway, your man over there - teammate, I like that term – gave up his seat to me on the plane, so this is me paying that forward. I’m happy that he’ll get to benefit too. Funny how life works like that isn’t it? You live life, doing what you’re supposed to do, and life fits all the pieces into place for you.”

Patrick was a little confused, like he missed something in translation. But he felt like he should reply.

“Yeah it is,” his eyes drifted back over to Jonny, thinking about how the world had randomly put them on the same plane today. Seemed like fate now that they were both stranded in the middle of nowhere. Jonny was still on the phone though, which probably wasn’t a great sign for him, but Patrick got them a room for the night, so he was going to get to go brag about that to him. He turned back to the man to say thank you.

“Don’t mention it, I’m happy to help. I wish you boys a Merry Christmas. Eleven years, wow, you guys have already gotten through the hard part,” he said shaking his head. Was this guy once an athlete himself? Should Patrick recognize him?

“You guys have a great life, okay? I can see you both have a good head on your shoulders, I really wish you both the best,” he finished before walking away.

Patrick was still feeling a little confused by the whole conversation, but the man seemed nice, and he was seemed excited that he was able to help Jonny too, since apparently Jonny gave him his seat on the plane? That was news to Pat

He googled _The Inn at Charles Peak_ and found their phone number and pressed call.

They had one room left, so Patrick’s luck had definitely changed for the best. They even gave him a discount because it was their most expensive room and he knew Noel. Patrick tried to explain that it wasn’t necessary, but they seemed really nice and refused. He wasn’t going to fight with them though, because he actually had a place to stay now. _That wasn’t the airport floor!_ A true Christmas miracle. He’d leave them a 5-star reviewed on yelp or something. Send them a signed stick or something like that when he got back from break.

He took off in the direction of Jonny to share with him the good news, because Jonny was going to be shocked. And probably pretty happy, even if Lindsey was pissed at him. And at least if that was going to be the case, Patrick was here to make sure Jonny didn’t stay upset.

\---

Jonny managed to find two empty seats in the waiting area, and given the difficulty level of him doing that, he’d be shocked it Kaner managed to find an empty hotel room for the night.

He tossed his bag into the spare seat he was saving for Kaner after he inevitably was unable to find a hotel room for the night before sitting down in the seat next to it. He wrestled his phone out of his pocket, ready to call Lindsey and bare the bad news. And he should call her, hell, he probably should’ve already. It was getting close to the time when somebody would’ve had to have left their place to pick him up at the airport, but he couldn’t force himself to do it yet. He let his phone rest in his lap for a minute.

Leaning back in the chair Jonny looked out over the crowded room and surveyed it, taking in the scene. Most of the people seemed reclined to their fate of a night in the airport as the sun began to set behind the mountains, while others wondered, either on the hunt for something or just to move their legs. Most people seemed to be with somebody else, he took note of a few couples sleeping against each other, holding hands walking the room, or just talking to each other. They didn’t look too upset about their situation, at least they were together.

Jonny looked around for Kaner but couldn’t find him. He played with the corner of his phone case and thought about what he had said about Lindsey earlier. And for Kaner’s part, he was right. But, he didn’t see their whole relationship, he didn’t see all the small moments they shared. He didn’t see the future they envisioned for themselves, or what his mom thought about her. He didn’t see everything, he just saw the hockey part of them. And _this_ , this holiday break, it was intertwined with hockey, so Patrick saw that. He knew Patrick was looking out for him, as he would want him too, but he wasn’t right about this. He couldn’t be right, he didn’t see everything. At least that’s what he was telling himself anyway.

He fought the urge to call her for a few more minutes and distracted himself with thoughts about Kaner and Amanda. He had no idea why they broke up, that was pretty shocking, given what Sharpy had just told him a few days ago. _Did he say he broke up with her_? Jonny figured he had time to ask him about it, considering their situation. Plus, Kaner had told him, so it seemed like fair game to ask him about once they got settled. Jonny realized that Kaner had probably gotten upset with him the past few days because Jonny kept trying to talk about her, and Kaner didn’t want to since they had just broken up. He’d apologize to Kaner first about that before asking anything else.

He decided he had waited long enough and pulled up Lindsey’s contact, no need to make her more upset by leaving and going to pick him up when he wouldn’t be there.

The phone rang a few times before she answered.

“Jon?” her voiced seemed unsure, like she was surprised by his call. Jonny pulled his phone back to check the time and did the mental math and, yep, it was around when his flight would’ve landed if they hadn’t been rerouted.

“Hey,” Jonny let out, a little breathy, like all his nerves came out with that one word.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the air? I was just going to have my dad leave to pick you up,” she returned, still sounding unsure, like he was supposed to be in the air for another two hours or something.

“Yeah, about that… We uhhh, we hit a storm and got rerouted,” he paused briefly, for emphasis purposes, “to Montana…”. He wasn’t as upset about the whole Montana thing as Kaner was, but he did realize that it was a pretty random place to be flown to.

“To Montana?!” she practically barked back in shock, which Jonny had to fight the urge to let out a laugh at. “Weren’t you in Denver? Why did you have to fly further west, where’s the logic in that?” and Jonny actually laughed at that, which he was sure didn’t earn him any sympathy points with her.

“Oh my God babe, you sound like Kaner right now,” Jonny managed to reply once he stopped laughing.

“Patrick? Is he with you? I thought we talked about this, you said you had your own flight from Denver, why are you with the team?”. She sounded pretty mad, which wasn’t really fair in Jonny’s opinion.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, let me explain first. I was flying to Pittsburgh from Denver, without the team, Patrick just happened to have the same flight. He’s going home to Buffalo, I guess him and Amanda-” he started before she cut him off. That seemed to be becoming a theme. The holidays made her stressed or something.

“Babe I don’t really care about that. That’s great that you two now get to have guy time or whatever in Montana, but uhh, how late are you gonna be?”, that pissed Jonny off. Because she was clearly mad at him, or the situation or whatever, which he got, he definitely was too, but she had no right to take that anger out on him. They were in this together.

“Ummm,” Jonny said flatly, trying not to get angry back at her. “I… I don’t know, I don’t control the weather babe. I mean at the moment the earliest flight out is Sunday at 4, but I’m gonna see if I can find anything different once I figure out where I’m staying tonight. Whether it’s in the airport or not,” he trailed off, waiting for her response to that, but his thoughts got the better of him and he finished with, “I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking.”

It dripped with frustration, he could hear it replay in his head. But, he didn’t regret saying it.

She breathed loudly. It wasn’t angry though, almost like she realized she should’ve said something. “You’re right, I’m sorry, I just- I have a lot going on. I am glad you’re okay,” she said, speaking in a different tone now, almost apologetic.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry too much, just… let your dad know I won’t be needing a ride,” Jonny looked up to see Patrick almost running towards him, failing his arms like an idiot, calling out _Jonny! Jonny!_ so he tried to wrap up the call. He probably should’ve had it done awhile ago, it had been almost an hour since they had split up probably, and by the looks of it he was probably going to have to console Kaner about sleeping in the airport in about thirty seconds.

“I’ll call you as soon as I know something else, okay? Love you,” Jonny finished with, barely hearing her reply before Patrick practically jumped on him.

“Jonny! You won’t believe it, but I got us a room!” he had sort of a glimmer in his eye, which meant that Patrick was really happy. It hadn’t been there in a while, so Jonny kind of beamed at the fact that something so stupid was able to bring it back, but it made Jonny feel happy too. Or maybe that was just because he had gotten a room, and he wasn’t going to fuck up his back sleeping on one of these chairs. Patrick kept talking though, “my amazingness was questioned there for minute, not gonna lie, but, apparently you gave up your seat to some guy on the plane? Which, you know, I see you following in my footsteps, makes me proud Jonny,” he said, slinging his arm around Jon’s shoulder before continuing, “Anyway, you gave up your seat to this guy and apparently he was ‘passing it on’ because he heard me complaining about having to sleep on the floor here, and told me about some friends he has here who own a bed-and-breakfast, so I called and told them I knew him and I was able to get us the last room they had! So, thanks for the help, I guess, but uhhh,” he said, dramatically brushing at his own shoulder in some form of non-verbal ‘I’m the fucking best’ gesture or whatever, “I did that. So, get your stuff and let’s go get us a cab. Also, Montana’s not that bad! I literally haven’t gotten recognized by a single person here! Are we sure they have internet? Because like, I’d understand if I was you, but I’m me, so I’d almost be concerned for them if I wasn’t enjoying it so much.”

Kaner was talking way to fast at this point, but if he actually managed to snag them a room for tonight Jonny didn’t even care, because he thought he’d sooner die in this airport before they got a room for a night.

He grabbed his stuff and made his way towards the exit with Kaner, punching him in the shoulder when he said something about his greatness for the tenth time, but he couldn’t seem to find it in him to care that much, things were looking up. At least for tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

The ride to the Inn was nice – beautiful, actually. What Montana lacked in hotel rooms and human civilization they made up for in mountains and sights. Or at least Patrick figured the sights were beautiful, it was dark out, so he didn’t really get to see everything, but as the cab made its way up the mountainside he found himself in awe of the lights that scattered the mountains. Chicago didn’t have anything like this, lights that lit up the night yes, but it definitely didn’t have the mountains and areas of darkness between the pockets of light. Buffalo didn’t either. It felt like another world.

He turned back to Jonny, prepared to ask him if Winnipeg was like this. He had been there a few times, always for hockey though, so he didn’t know if where Jonny lived looked different. But when he looked at Jonny, Jonny was looking at – _him?_ – or past him, probably?

Jonny’s face was speckled by the light that made its way through the window, but he was smiling. Like, a real smile. One he hadn’t seen on Jonny in a while.

Patrick could feel the exact moment his face flushed and turned his head back towards the window, grateful that it was dark enough to hide it.

“Not so down on Montana now are you?” Jonny joked behind him.

Pat didn’t want to concede this petty argument, but he was kind of at a loss for words at the moment. “Well, it’s no Bozeman Airport but…” Patrick lingered off.

He turned back to Jonny, hoping his face had gotten its shit together by now. “This is crazy Jonny. It’s beautiful, at least in the dark anyway. Buffalo and Chicago don’t look like this at night, that’s for sure.”

“Yeah,” Jonny said. Slow, like he was trying to figure out what to say next. “I guess Winnipeg doesn’t have anything like this either,” Jonny finished, meeting Pat’s eyes, still beaming.

There were a few moments of comfortable silence as the car continued its climb. Jonny leaned his head into the middle to get a good look at the road in front of them. It was narrow and windy, definitely a mountain type of road. He was still smiling, and Pat could feel a similar smile making its way onto his face as well.

It was the type of smile Jonny would have plastered on his face during the days in the wake of winning the Cup, or the type of smile he’d get when seeing his mom when the Toews family would come down for a few days to catch a game or two. It was a great smile, not put on for the cameras, or one he forced most of the time after some teammate made a joke. Pat felt like he was the only one who noticed it most of the time. It was nice, it made Pat feel like he was with the rookie year Jonny, the one who beamed after he scored his first goal, or after Pat scored his. Thinking about it, it may have been the one he had earlier today after Pat scored his 300th goal. Pat liked seeing it on Jonny, liked that it meant he felt happy, genuinely happen, momentarily free from any expectations or concerns or his role as a Captain or boyfriend or face of a franchise. Moments when he felt like just, Jonny. Patrick knew that’s why he felt happy too, it wasn’t an unwelcome thought, it was just, unexpected.

Patrick heard the words before he realized he had said them. “You look happy,” the words hung there for a second, and he wished he could take them back. It sounded weird to say it like that.

But Jonny turned to Pat and shrugged a little before leaning back, “Yeah, I guess I am.”

The car felt small for a minute and Pat shifted his attention back to the window. He felt like things felt weird, but they weren’t, he didn’t know why he felt that way though.

The finished the rest of the ride mostly in quiet, occasionally pointing out something to the other and enjoying the town at the top of the mountain once they arrived. It looked like a town ready for Christmas, lights hung from the shops and around light posts, with decorations displayed in the windows.

“I can’t wait to check this place out tomorrow,” Pat said absentmindedly as he read off some of the names of the shops. Maybe he’d find a nice gift or something.

He turned to look as Jonny who seemed caught up in the town. He couldn’t really blame him. “Hmm?” Jonny hummed, still distracted by the sudden switch to civilization.

“It’s nice. You down to explore at little bit tomorrow?” Pat half repeated, half asked.

“Definitely,” Jonny confirmed before diverting his attention forward as they approached the end of the main road. “It’s cute. Plus, maybe I’ll be able to find a few nice gifts here. It’s gotta beat the airport gift shop, eh?”

Patrick let out a laugh, “It’s _cute_?” he managed to stammer out between breaths of laughter. “Jonathan Toews thinks this town is _cute_? Oh my God, that’s definitely going to make the book I write one day.”

Jonny rolled his eyes. “Me and you both know you’re never going to write a book,” Jonny said, like it was a fact. Maybe Patrick would have to do it now, just to spite him. He totally could do it.

“Keep giving me gems like that and I might have to just to show everybody what a loser you are,” he said with a laugh.

Jonny gave Pat a side eye and then laughed too. “In that case, I’m positive you won’t. We both know you already have more than enough to write about that if you really wanted to Kaner,” he said giving Pat a playful shove.

“Fair point,” Patrick conceded. “But, don’t think that means I won’t. I almost consider it a civic duty to enlighten people about that. I could interview people too, I’m sure Seabs has some stories, and Sidney ‘not my Olympic man crush’ Crosby too. So don’t test me, Tazer,” he pointed at Jonny accusingly and finished a laugh.

“I guess I’ll have to pay them off now then,” he deadpanned as Pat erupted into another laugh. Jonny grinned too.

It was nice, it hadn’t felt like the two have been like this together – away from hockey – for a long time. Pat hadn’t realized he’s missed it.

They still hung out, it just wasn’t like this. Patrick didn’t mean like the whole “flying to the middle of nowhere” thing, obviously, but just hanging out, together, just the two of them and not really talking hockey. Between girlfriends and other things, and with down time between hockey being seldom, it’s hard to plan for friend time away from the ice, or away from hockey related things. And even when they did, there was always Lindsey, or Amanda, or some of the other guys. Pat hadn’t realized how much he missed just hanging out with Jonny, just doing nothing. He wondered if Jonny’s smile meant that he did too.

Distracted by his thoughts Patrick hadn’t realized where they were until the cab driver told them they had arrived. Pat paid the driver while Jonny grabbed their things out of the trunk.

“Looks nice,” Jonny said, turning to Pat as they made their way towards the door.

“It’s _cute_ ,” Pat mocked with smirk back to Jonny.

Jonny laughed. Like really laughed. It made Pat feel warm inside, but he wasn’t going to think about it too hard, because yeah, Jonny missed this too.

\---

The town was cute, and fuck Patrick if he wasn’t going to admit that. It was quaint and cozy and in the middle of nowhere, a place he never would’ve come to, and probably wouldn’t come back to again, and altogether, it was cute.

They’d been here for a few hours now and hadn’t been recognized once, not at the airport and not by the cabbie, and Jonny had begun to think that at this point if nobody had, maybe they were in the clear.

Not that getting recognized was a bad thing per say, but it was a nice feeling to shed the NHL Player label and just be yourself. Even with Lindsey’s family it wasn’t always like that, especially at Christmas parties with extended family members who he didn’t really know. This just felt nice. Kaner was liking it too he figured, because Jonny could feel himself unwinding for the first time in a while, but he could see Patrick was already in relaxation mode. He’d probably subconsciously helped Jonny get to this point too.

Patrick grabbed the door and let Jonny make his way in with their stuff. The area in front of the front desk was small, nothing like a hotel lobby but it gave off a homey feel. It kind of reminded him of his parents’ house. The mix of different holiday scented candles that filled the room gave him déjà vu from Christmas’s as a kid. He missed that. He really wished he had been able to go home this year.

Patrick must have noticed the look on his face shift because he gave him a little bit of a nudge until Jonny looked back at him. “You good?”

They were interrupted by a voice, “Ohh hiiiiiii,” the woman called to them. She was older and seemed very sweet. Jonny glanced around to see if anybody else worked here or if she ran it herself. It was late, so it was entirely possible that she was just waited for Pat and Jonny to show up to get them situated. “You must be Noel’s friend!”

“Yeah, Patrick,” he said introducing himself. “And this is-” he stared before getting cut off.

She was yelling, Jonny figured to her husband. “Chris! This is Patrick Kane, Noel’s friend!”

“Ohh,” the man bellowed. He seemed excited to meet them, they both did, they seemed happy. Jonny figured you had to be to run a bed-and-breakfast, but they seemed genuine, not like they were putting on an act. “Well,” he continued, “any friend of Noel’s is a friend of ours!”

He turned his attention towards Jonny, almost like he had just noticed him standing there holding both their bags.

“Are you two…” he lingered off, looking a little confused shifting his look between Pat and Jonny and finally trying to check with his wife with a look before he continued, “together?”

He said it slowly, like he was treading lightly, like he didn’t know how to ask.  Was he asking if they were- _a couple_? He didn’t know why he’d think that, but based off the way he floundered while asking that question, he must’ve meant that, right?

Jonny felt his face heat, feeling a little embarrassed by the question. Which was weird, he had no reason to feel that way. The guys used to make married couple jokes at his and Pat’s expense all the time in the locker room, so Jonny was used to it at this point. He didn’t care. But this felt different. He looked earnest, like he actually thought that. It felt like he was in grade school and was being cornered about having a crush. He dropped his gaze to the bags in his hand and waited for Patrick to speak up.

“Yeah!” Pat said turning to Jonny. Jonny felt like face blush again. “This is Jonny.”

“Well it’s nice to meet you too, Jonny,” Jonny nodded in agreement before Chris spoke up again. “Why don’t we show you boys to your room? That way Jonny here can put down your bags.”

“Please,” Patrick scoffed. “He’s not going to be able to workout the next few days anyway, don’t feel bad for him, he loves this” Patrick laughed as he followed Chris and his wife up the stairs.

They explained the Inn as the went up the stairs. There were two bedrooms on the bottom floor, four on the second floor, and one – the nicest one – on the top floor.

“You guys will be staying up here, the hotels pride and joy,” she beamed with delight. “The honeymoon suite!”

“I’m sorry, did you just say,” Patrick started clearly thinking the same thing Jonny was.

“Honeymoon?!” Jonny finished as she opened the door to the room and they made their way in.

It was gorgeous. It wasn’t that big, like say, Jonny’s condo, but by suite standard it was fairly large. It was decorated for the holidays, with strings of Christmas lights and fake green trim. There was a small fake tree on one of the tables accompanied by a Santa and Mrs. Claus figurines. It wasn’t overdone, but it had enough where it kind of reminded Jonny of Kaner’s apartment in years past with the decorations.

There was small couch that sat adjacent from a fake fire place and a bed, Jonny couldn’t tell yet if it was a king or a queen. But, he could count, and there was only one bed. And that was going to be… _interesting._

Chris seemed to be a step ahead of Jonny though because he spoke up. “I’m assuming you boys will sleep together, but if you need an extra pillow or a blanket just let us know.”

“Uhhhhhhh,” Patrick managed to stammer out, looking at Jonny in a mix of pure shock and confusion. Jonny wasn’t much help either because it was one thing to think that was what he was alluding to earlier, but it was another to hear the words _sleeping together_ in regard to him and Kaner. He stood there trying to wrap his mind around it before Kaner managed to somehow find words.

“We’re not, ummmm, together?” It came out like a question, like he was unsure, and he turned back to Jonny trying to find some help. His face was red, even the tips of his ears were red too. Jonny would’ve found it funnier if he didn’t think he had the same expression on his face right now as well.

“We’re just, uhhhh, teammates – friends. We’re not like, dating or anything - he has girlfriend. We just, uhhh - Our plane got rerouted,” Pat managed to stammer out. It wasn’t all that cohesive, but it got the job done, so Jonny nodded back in confirmation.

“Oh,” Chris said, looking at his wife, taken aback a little bit. “Well you guys looked like a very nice couple when you walked in here. I apologize on the misunderstanding.”

And great, his blush hardened. He figured it did on Patrick too, but he couldn’t even manage to look at him right now, nervous that he’d blush even more seeing Patrick. It was one thing for guys like Sharpy or Seabs or Duncs to joke about them like that, it was another for a complete stranger to see them as one. Jonny just wanted to lock himself in the bathroom.

He heard Patrick laugh after a few seconds before meeting the gaze of Chris’s wife. He made a mental note to get her name.

“Don’t worry about it, our friends joke about it too,” Kaner said in attempt to make the awkwardness leave the room. “But ummm, I can follow you down and grab some. Better the have extra, right?”

Patrick made his way out of the room and back down the stairs with Chris. Jonny tossed the bags onto the couch, feeling awkward to put them on the bed now with Chris’s wife looking at him with a look Jonny couldn’t place. Like she was trying to read him, or like she was thinking. Jonny couldn’t tell if he felt uncomfortable given the circumstances, or just uncomfortable in general. After a few seconds she must have realized she was gazing at him because suddenly her expression shifted, back to one of welcoming and _warmth_? Maybe?

“I’m Marie by the way, I’m not sure I introduced myself yet,” reaching her hand out trying to initiate a handshake.

“It’s so nice to meet you, this room is spectacular. Thank you for getting us this so last minute,” Jonny managed to find the words to say. He had been relatively quiet since getting here, trying to take it all in.

“Thank you. And it’s no problem, always happy to help. And it seems like you boys needed it,” she said sweetly, but with a little giggle.

“Yeah, we definitely did. I really appreciate it. And I know Patrick does too.”

“You talking trash behind my back Jonny? Hmmm?” Patrick joking blurted out as he entered the room carried several pillows and blankets.

“Yeah, just about how you’re gonna steal all the pillows and blankets from the rest of the people staying here. You really need that much Pat?” Jonny joked back with him.

“Please,” Pat scoffed. “Don’t even act like you aren’t the one who needs like 40 thousand pillows to sleep at night! Like jeez Tazer, it’s like you enjoy sleeping in a padded room.”

Marie laughed at the two of them as she made her way towards the door to let herself out.

“You boys sleep tight!” Marie called as she closed to door behind her.

Jonny just shook his head smiled. “Well Kaner, we made it.”

“Yep,” Pat said, hiding a smile as he checked out the room as well, placing the pillows and blankets on the couch next to their stuff. “To the honeymoon suite, at the Inn at Charles Peak. In Montana. We have uhh, certainly made it,” Pat joked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Jonny made his way over towards the bed and rubbed his hand over his face before collapsing down on the bed.

“Don’t even think about it Jonny, at _least_ half of that bed is mine!” Pat called out before shutting the bathroom door.

“But you’re smaller!” Jonny yelled back. “You should take the couch!”

“You’re the one who was content with sleeping on an airport bench!” Pat yelled back through the bathroom door. “You should be happy with the floor or the couch! Be grateful I’m even offering half of that bed.”

Jonny smiled and sat up and waited for Patrick to head out of the bathroom.

“Oh please,” Jonny started once he did. “My _boyfriend_ would never be so cold as to make me sleep on the floor!” Jonny joked back and laughed when he heard Patrick groan.

“First of all: I’ve changed my mind, you can go sleep on the stairs. This room is mine. And B: I feel like I should be offended by that, I could do so much better than you. They doubted my game,” Kaner finished and Jonny laughed again.

“Doubted it? More like overestimated it,” Jonny couldn’t help but joke back, happy to put that perceived awkwardness behind them. Sure, it was a little different circumstance and living situation than they had their rookie year, but they were still Jonny and Patrick, they’d be fine.

“Don’t flatter yourself Tazer,” Patrick said climbing onto the bed after stripped out of his pants and into some shorts. “But seriously, push over. Half of this bed belongs to me, I don’t care where you sleep, but I’m laying down.”

“Typical needy Kaner, oh how I haven’t missed that,” he said as he shifted off of the bed and headed towards his bag to get his toothbrush.

“Oh shut up!” Pat hurled a pillow at Jonny. “But while you’re up, wanna toss me that clicker? Gonna try to find a movie or something.”

“See? Needy,” but Jonny threw the clicker at him from the couch and made his way into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

\---

Jonny left the room to go call Lindsey before he crashed for the night. Pat had already beat him to the whole crashing for bed aspect, but he figured it wasn’t a half bad idea to call one of his sisters.

He muted the tv, grabbed his phone and hit call.

“Pat?” Erica said quietly through the phone.

He pulled his phone back and checked the time. Fuck.

“Oh shit, sorry. Forgot about the time change, I’ll let you go to bed. My bad,” he rushed back. Erica never went to bed to early, but a little after 2am seemed a little ridiculous to be taking a phone call, he didn’t want to wake the whole house up.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Erica stammered out, in more of a normal speaking voice this time. “It’s fine, Jess just went to bed. I’m in the living room finishing up a movie. So, Montana huh? You’re not calling to make me search for a new flight, are you?” Erica joked.

“No, at least not now anyway,” he sat up a little more and tried to shift back against the headboard. “And yeah, Montana. Surprisingly, not terrible.”

Erica chuckled quietly at that before speaking, “Yeah? I can’t possibly imagine why,” she laughed again, voice filled with sarcasm like she was insinuating something.

“What are you trying say there?” Pat responded giving an uncomfortable laugh.

“I don’t know Pat, why don’t you tell me,” she said with a laugh again.

“I’m just confused at this point to be honest.”

“Okay, I’ll drop it,” Erica said backing off. It was quiet for a moment before she started back up again. “So, mom tells me you broke up with Amanda? What’s that about?”

Patrick blew some air out of his nostrils to show his thoughts on that question, but he knew he’d get it from them eventually. He was surprised he had managed to avoid a text from any of them all day about it.

“Doesn’t really seem like you’re ‘backing off’ now, does it?”

She laughed again. “That’s only in the case that those two questions are related. Are they? Hmmmmm?”

“Don’t be annoying,” he said pointedly. “And they aren’t related, I just really see a future with her I guess. I don’t think she did either, so it just felt like it was time. I don’t know, it wasn’t bad or anything.”

He figured that was close enough to the truth, he didn’t really want to have this whole conversation on the phone anyway. Especially with Jonny right outside. He’d tell Jonny before the rest of the guys, he’d probably be the first person he told after the rest of his family, but it was hard to bring up and it wasn’t really ideal to bring up while trapped in Montana. Plus, he kind of wanted to wait until after the season anyway, he didn’t really want Jonny to be in Captain mode when he let him know.

“I mean, that’s fine with me,” Erica said bringing him back from his thoughts. “I really liked her, but I like you more-”

“Awwww, thanks.”

“Don’t be an ass, Pat,” she fired back at him while he laughed. “Anyway, you piece of shit, I just didn’t know if it was because maybe you found someone else, or something.”

“When would I have even had the time to do that? My life this time of year is pretty much consistently hockey, it’s not like I would’ve had the time to start a new relationship with some random,” he was baffled by that because he really wouldn’t have had the time to put the effort in for that even if he wanted to.

“Who said it was ‘some random’?” she mocked. “And, it could’ve been somebody who worked with the team! A simple ‘no’ would’ve sufficed.”

“Well that stupid Erica, I’d have to be an idiot to get with somebody who works for the ‘Hawks,” he told her. And he was right, even if he could’ve been sexually interested in dating one of the women working for the ‘Hawks he’d get reamed out by Q and Jonny and probably everybody else if he was being realistic in this scenario.

“Love makes people kind of stupid,” she said back.

Pat couldn’t suppress a laugh. “Oh, so now I love this person I just started dating?”.

“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know if you know it yet, but I trust that you’ll come to your senses at some point,” Erica answered, almost seeming serious.

“Okay well, I’ll make sure to keep you in the loop then,” he heard her laugh which made him crack a smile too. It made him miss home a little bit more, made him remember why he wanted to go home to begin with before this whole flight situation happened.

He repositioned himself back on the bed and turned up the volume a little bit. “So, what movie are you watching?”

\---

Patrick was still on the phone with Erica when Jonny came back into the room.

“Tazer!” he yelled out after he heard to door shut. “Erica says hi and that you have shitty taste, because Christmas with the Kranks is a holiday classic.”

Jonny just rolled his eyes and walked over to Patrick and grabbed his phone.

“Hey Erica,” Jonny said, walking away with Patrick’s phone to lay down on the couch.

“Hey Jon,” she snarked back through the phone.

“Have any of you Kane’s _ever_ seen an actual holiday classic?” he said while making eye contact with Patrick. “Or, are you guys basically the reason I have to watch Elf a hundred thousand times every December?”

“Hey!” Erica and Patrick yelped back in unison, like they were sitting right next to each other and not across the continent. Erica continued, “Elf _is_ overplayed, but, it’s still a classic. Don’t hate just because you have shitty taste and prefer ‘A Christmas Story’ or old versions of ‘A Christmas Carol’.”

Jonny scoffed, “God, you sound like your brother,” turning back to Pat who had a smug look on his face.

“Well, we are related. But uhh, tell me if I’m wrong but, I’m not the one spending the night with him in the Honeymoon suite of some place in the middle of Montana,” Erica joked back to him.

Jonny groaned. “He told you that, eh?”, Erica responded immediately with a hum meaning that he had.

“Well, it would’ve been weird if it was you two the Innkeepers thought were together,” and one glance at the look at Pat made him want to take the words right back. Pat scrambled out of the bed and started coming towards Jonny. Erica was roaring with laughter on the other end of the line. He didn’t see Erica all that much, but he knew her well enough that it meant he was going to have to hear her tease him about that relentlessly when he did.

Patrick snatched the phone back from Jonny and gave him a little shove before putting getting back on the call, Jonny could hear Erica still laughing.

“Okay, ha ha ha, shut up, it’s not that funny,” he fired back at her, but she must’ve been crying with laughter on the other end because Jonny could still hear her as Pat pulled the phone away for a second to tell Jonny he was going to kill him.

“Sorry,” Jonny whispered back, not really feeling all that sorry anymore. It was kind of funny to see Patrick like that. His face was red, way redder than it had been earlier today and Jonny figured that was because now he was going to have to hear about it from Erica, hell, probably all his sisters, for months on end. Jonny had to stifle a laugh of his own.

“Okay, I’m gonna let you go to bed, I have to kill Jonny now. _Please_ do not tell anybody else about that, please? Okay, whatever, shut up, night,” he said as he hung up with her.

Pat turned his attention back to Jonny and just glared at him and Jonny just lost it.

“Yeah Jon, real funny. I’m never going to hear the end about that. Never. You think Sharpy would be bad if he knew about that, Erica is going to be a million times worse.”

Jonny stood up and made his way towards Pat as he went to plug his phone in for the night. He didn’t doubt Pat on that, not even a little. David would probably be just as bad.

He was still laughing as grabbed Pat’s back and pulled him into a hug. “Oh, babe. Don’t be mad. I’m sorry,” he joked in the most obnoxious way he could before Patrick shoved him off and climbed back into the bed.

“Watch it buddy,” Pat said pointing at Jonny as he made his way around the bed. “I’ll call Lindsey right now and tell her you’re hiding out at Sidney Crosby’s house instead. Don’t try me.”

Jonny sat down on the bed and got immediately smacked in the face with a pillow by him.

“And what are doing? I don’t sleep with assholes. This bed,” Pat gestured to the bed, “is mine. That couch over there, is all yours.”

Jonny laughed again. He really couldn’t remember a day that he had laughed this much in a long time, but Kaner was the most ridiculous person he knew, so it made sense.

“You probably don’t sleep with assholes because _you_ are the asshole,” he joked with him. He thought it was one of his more clever lines.

“Plus,” Jonny continued, “I remember at least half of this bed being promised to me. And,” Jonny added, remembering one of his first thoughts when he saw the bed and the couch in the room, “ _you_ should be the one on the couch, you’re smaller!”

“You’re such a dick,” Patrick said rolling his eyes, but ultimately relenting in his pillow fight technique to give Jonny half of the bed.

“You love my dick,” Jonny retorted immediately. Which, in hindsight, he wished he had thought about for second before saying it because it just totally negated his clever line from a moment ago.

Patrick looked stunned for a second before falling into a hysteric laughter. Jonny could feel his face blush. He shifted himself a little in his boxer briefs too, feeling a chubbing sensation between his legs, which was kind of unfortunate timing. Luckily Pat was kind of preoccupied with his laugher.

“Okay shut up, I heard it as I was saying it. Don’t wake up the whole damn place,” he said leaning back on the pillow and throwing the covers over his legs. He wasn’t planning on sharing the bed with Patrick originally, but it didn’t really seem like Pat cared and he wasn’t going to make it awkward and get out of it now after what just happened.

Patrick tried to get himself back under control to say something, likely snarky, back to Jonny, but he wasn’t able to do it. Jonny just rolled his eyes and reached around him to hit the light and snag the clicker to turn the tv off. Christmas with the Kranks was garbage, and Rotten Tomatoes agreed with him.

Without the light of the tv the room was pretty dark, Patrick must’ve turned off some of the Christmas decoration lights off while Jonny was on the phone. His call with Lindsey was pretty short, she was busy meeting up with friends from back home and Jonny was thinking about what Pat had said to him earlier in the day, so both of them seemed content with finishing the phone call after a few minutes. He called with his mom after for a few minutes instead.

It was frustrating, because Patrick wasn’t right with what he said, but he wasn’t completely wrong either. And now that was the only thing in his head whenever he was talking to her. And it wasn’t fair to her for him to be mad at her over it because she didn’t deserve that. They had been dating for three years now, almost four, and she has been nothing but a supportive, loving girlfriend to Jonny. And she deserved for Jonny to give back to her, and that’s what he was doing here. It was just what was right.

The overhead fan made it so that there was some noise in the room, which was nice since he figured they were both very used to the bustling city streets at night, at least for a majority of the year.

Patrick had seemingly managed to finally find his bearings because he kicked Jonny’s leg under the blanket to get Jonny to turn towards him.

“Now that, _that_ , you definitely should not spill to Erica.”

“Sorry about that, by the way. I know she’s not gonna let you hear the end of that, I just thought you had already her,” he said back to Pat, a little bit more sincere this time.

“Nah its fine, don’t worry about it,” he said rolling over to face Jonny. “You’ll hear about it too, don’t doubt that. I just know the three of them are gonna fuck with me about it, especially now that they know about Amanda and me.”

Jonny could feel Pat shift in the bed again, similar to how he shifted on the plane earlier when Jonny asked him about her. Jonny wanted to ask him more about that, but only about six inches away from each other in bed didn’t seem like the best time for that.

“You just told them about that?”

“Yeah, I mean, I told my mom a few days ago and she told them, but I guess I just told Erica myself today. It isn’t really an easy thing to mention, not that I’m trying to keep secret about it or whatever… It’s just hard I guess. Like, they knew her, they really liked her. My mom thought we were getting married or something, I don’t know-” Jonny cut him off.

“Sharpy did too,” Jonny added. He didn’t know if it was important, but it felt like it was.

“Yeah, exactly. I don’t know why they all thought this. Hell, Erica thought I dumped her because I was in love with somebody else! So I don’t know where all these other thoughts were coming from.”

“When would you even have the time right now to do that?” That was one of the closest mentions of hockey they had shared all day, with was kind of weird to think about, but also, kind of nice.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Patrick said, turning back to Jonny. “I really don’t understand any of these people mindsets, thank fuck they aren’t the press.”

Jonny couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“I can let Sharpy know, if you want,” Jonny offered. “Just so that he doesn’t say anything to you, I know you guys are close but like you said, it’s hard.”

Patrick was quiet for a few seconds, like he was thinking it over.

“No, it’ll fine I think, I don’t need you to be all captainy about it or whatever,” Pat said before he added, “thanks though.”

“I wouldn’t be all captainy or whatever, shut up,” Jonny snarked back. “But yeah, no problem, if you change your mind though…”

“Will do, but ummm, enough of this pillow talk, okay? I’m going to sleep.”

“Yeah yeah,” Jonny joked back, shifting in bed so that he faced the edge of bed. “Wouldn’t want you not to get your beauty sleep.”

Patrick kicked him.

“Shut it. And keep your fat ass on that side of the bed.”

“You love my-” Jonny cut himself off. _Fuck_ , he really did suck at comebacks.

“Nice save,” Patrick laughed. “But seriously, stay on your side, because I will cling to you if I risk falling off the bed because you don’t know how to share. Night Tazer.”

“Night Pat.”

It only took a few minutes before Jonny heard Patrick’s breathing level out indicating that he was asleep. Jonny pushed himself back a little bit more onto the bed so that he had a little bit of room between him and the side of the bed. Pat’s foot managed to come in contact with Jonny’s calf, shooting a jolt of coldness up his leg. It felt good in contrast to Jonny’s body heat. Jonny had no idea how Patrick was still so cold, but Jonny liked it and brought his other leg towards Pat’s, not thinking about anything other than getting that feeling back, before closing his eyes and letting the sound of Pat’s breathing mixed with the fan send him off to sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

The first time Patrick woke up the room was still dark. His legs were tangled with Jonny’s and his head was pressed against Jonny’s shoulder. It was nice though, nice and warm, and Patrick was half asleep and didn’t care enough to think about anything other than warmth, so he nuzzled in a little bit closer and fell back asleep.

The second time Patrick woke up it was to the sound of running water and an empty bed. He was sprawled out in the middle of it and he was still feeling warm, so he figured Jonny hadn’t been up for that long. Patrick had to throw the blanket out of the way to get up out of bed, meaning that Jonny had been considerate enough to throw it back over Patrick after he likely disentangled himself from Pat to get up. A smile made its way onto his face just picturing it. Jonny wasn’t the most graceful person to begin with, and Jonny in the morning was basically on auto pilot until he got his coffee, so being awake enough, and not grumpy enough, to not wake up Pat as he got out of bed and then be nice enough toss the blanket back over Pat was kind of surprising.

Still smiling, Patrick made his way over to his bag to grab some clothes out of it to change into after he showered. One of the things he learned about while rooming with Jonny was that Pat was that although he didn’t necessarily shower fast, Jonny was slow to change, which often caused some awkward moments early on. It wasn’t like he didn’t see guys junk from time to time in the locker room, and vice versa, but it was one thing for it to happen in the locker room where other guys were around, usually just unspoken expected occurrence, but it was another thing for it to happen in the hotel room. Like he was invading his privacy, the closeness and lack of other people around made it more personal and awkward.

Jonny would make it less awkward though; he’d grab his towel, make a joke and shove Patrick back into the bathroom. Patrick kind of wondered if he was the one making it awkward, like it was no big deal and Patrick should chirp Jonny for it. Like he should just make his was over to his bed and start changing too. That’s what he’d do in the locker room, drop his towel and be a typical over the top asshole just to joke around if a guy said something or rag on a guy for forgetting to bring a towel with him to the shower. But the locker room wasn’t the bedroom, Patrick was one of the guys in the locker room, it was easy and natural, like breathing, like playing hockey. In the bedroom, or really, one-on-one during moments when it isn’t just about hockey and joking around, he was usually at a loss because he didn’t know if he was acting like that because it was who he was, or if it was because he didn’t want to give away who he was. He could recognize to himself that he acted differently even if the other guys didn’t, he just didn’t know if that was because it was who he was, or if it was because he knew he was gay. Although he figured if it was the first, that also meant it was the second. It was still hard to really sort out to himself if he was being honest. Maybe once he told his family in a few days he’d have a sounding board to figure it out.

Whatever the case, that was why he started bringing his change of clothes into the bathroom with him. So once the water turned off, Jonny would have ample time to make himself presentable while Patrick changed before he came back out. It was a pretty genius technique if Pat said so himself.

As if on cue, the water from the shower stopped meaning that Jonny would be out any second. He grabbed his stuff and tossed himself down onto the couch and waited for Jonny to come out and switch spots with him.

When Patrick showers in the morning they tend to last a little bit longer than they do when he showers at night because the water is warm and he’s still tired and he just wants to stay there forever. This morning was no different so he figured Jonny was probably already changed and waiting on him so Pat didn’t think much as he rushed to put on his clothes, the air now making his body cold.

And that would’ve been fine, except for the fact that he walked out of the bathroom and was greeted by Jonny laying against the wall doing stretches in nothing but this boxer briefs. His back was on the floor and his leg was straightened out against the wall about five feet in front of him in what looked like an attempt the stretch out his hamstrings, albeit one that looked uncomfortable. His eyes were closed, like he was trying to focus intently on the stretch and Pat took a second to take it in. It was actually pretty funny, it was so… Jonny. He couldn’t explain it, but it made him happy to see Jonny like that, relaxed and not thinking about anything, just comfortable enough to look like an idiot stretching in the weirdest looking way he possibly could, just wearing his underwear like he had just finished changing from a game. It was like he had fallen back into old roommate routines, like the two of them were rooming together for hockey purposes. His eyes kind of took over from there though, shifting their glance to his chest. It was still a little wet from his shower, a few droplets splattered across his muscles. Patrick saw Jonny shirtless a lot, it shouldn’t be– it _wasn’t_ – a big deal. It was just that, well, Patrick never really noticed how sharp his muscles really were. He was chiseled, he kind of wanted to run his fingers over them, just to feel the ridges. He didn’t even mean it in a weird way, but, maybe that thought was weird to have about a teammate in the first place.

Patrick pulled his eyes away just as Jonny was opening his. He let his leg come down off the wall and onto the floor and then just laid there for a second. Patrick just shook his head and smiled, and then, just to be an ass, he went and stepped over Jonny to put his stuff away in his bag.

“Morning to you too Kaner,” Jonny said pulling himself off the floor.

“Good morning Captain underpants. That seemed like quite the stretch, should I have taken notes?” Pat chirped him back, grabbing a pair of socks and heading over to sit on the edge of the bed and pull them on.

“The stretch wouldn’t have been necessary if somebody hadn’t given me a charley horse by sticking their knee cap into my thigh all night long,” Jonny said back pointedly as he pulled a pair of jeans on.

Patrick just waved his hand to shrug him off. “Better than waking up with the sore back and neck you would’ve had if I had made you sleep on the couch. Now,” Patrick said standing up and then kneeling down to tie his shoes before looking back up at Jonny. “Food?”

Jonny just laughed as he pulled on his jacket. “Yeah, you were reading my mind.”

Patrick stood up and grabbed his phone and wallet off of the nightstand and made his way over towards the door with Jonny in tow. The inn was relatively quiet, like everyone else who had spent the night was either still sleeping or already out and about enjoying their Christmas Eve.

The inn was gorgeous. Neither of them had really been able to appreciate the beauty last night, but as they made their way down the stairs it became more and more clear. The inn itself wasn’t lavish or over the top in any way, it felt like a home. But what Patrick really loved was the windows and how the natural light broke into the inn and lit it up. It brushed up along the decorations, the interior design, and brought the inn to life in a way similar to what Patrick expected a painting to look like. Patrick figured that Jonny was thinking the same thing too because by the time they had gotten to the bottom of the stairs neither of them had said anything at all. Pat made a move towards the door, gearing up for the walk into town Jonny where was undoubtedly going to convince him they needed to walk, for exercise purposes. Patrick would argue for the sake of arguing, Jonny would counter, and then Patrick would cave. He always caved to Jonny. He’d get him back by pouring extra maple syrup onto Jonny’s pancakes because Jonny loved it but never gave himself enough because it wasn’t healthy. He’d act like he was upset but then eat the whole thing anyway with a smile because he loved it and Patrick was a damn good friend.

Before Patrick could get too far ahead of himself he felt Jonny place a hand on the small of his back and start leading him towards what essentially served as a lobby, away from the door.

“Wait, Kaner. Look at this,” gesturing towards the window that had an incredible view of a ski mountain not too far in the distance paired with a few other peaks covered in the winter’s snow. “I saw the lights lighting up the trails last night, I just remembered about it when we were heading back down.”

“Holy shit,” Patrick let out, which was met by a muffled laugh from Jonny. “That’s ridiculous. It’s like Aspen,” he finished, turning to Jonny who was still smiling trying to repress a laugh. He still had his hand on Pat’s back too, so they were pretty much leaning up against each other.

“You’re ridiculous,” he said not able to hold his laugh back anymore. “You’re looking at a beautiful, _peaceful_ , scenic view, and your first thought is ‘holy shit’,” mocking Patrick’s tone of voice.

“Oh, shut up,” Patrick said shaking his head and turning his attention back towards the view.

They both stood there in silence for a few seconds before they heard some noise behind them and turned to see Marie dragging out a karaoke machine into the room.

“I thought I heard you boys out here,” she said smiling, still dragging the machine towards the far corner of the room. Patrick and Jonny shared a look. She continued, “beautiful view, isn’t it?”

“Uhh, yeah…” Jonny said slowly, before stepping away from Patrick and heading over towards Marie. “Here, let me help you.”

 Jonny basically picked the whole thing up and walked it to the corner in less than five seconds, even reaching down and plugging it in.

“Thank you, you’re so sweet,” Marie crooned.

“Canadian,” Patrick mumbled to himself under his breath, although by the look Jonny shot at him, it wasn’t as quiet as he intended for it to be.

“No problem, thank _you_ for helping us get a room so last minute,” Jonny said, shoving his hands into his pockets and tilting his head towards Patrick.

“What’s that for?” Patrick said referring to the karaoke machine and screen, letting his curiosity take over.

“Chris and I are gonna start practicing for tonight. Figured we should choreograph a little something if we want to win,” she looked happy, like she was remembering something or thinking about how it was going to go.

“What’s tonight?” Patrick heard Jonny ask before he had the chance.

“The Charles Peak Christmas Eve singing competition. It’s part of the big Christmas Eve fair. Every year they alternate between singing and dancing competitions. We won a dancing one a few years back,” she said motioning towards a dancing trophy that sat above a fireplace, “we’d love to get a singing one too, but the Brooks’ always win that. Did you guys see the big banner when you came in last night? It’s huge!”

Jonny turned towards Patrick before looking back towards Marie. “No, I guess we must’ve missed it.”

Marie grabbed a pamphlet and handed it to Jonny. _101 st Annual Charles Peak Christmas Fair_.

“Aww. It’s a bummer you guys are flying out tonight, it’s gonna be a lot of fun,” Marie said, almost like she was trying to convince them to stay another night. And under different circumstances, Patrick wouldn’t have hated the idea. He was really liking it here and he hadn’t even explored the town yet. He was enjoying time with Jonny, the Jonny he knew away from hockey. It was just nice, was all. But it was Christmas Eve, and he wanted to get home. Needed to get home. And Jonny did too, so he couldn’t even entertain that possibility.

“Yeah, sounds like it,” Jonny said making his way back over towards Patrick. “We were just wondering if you have any breakfast recommendations?”

“Oh that’s easy, Dicky’s. Right in the center of town. Best pancakes and home fries you’ll ever eat, I promise.”

“And the name of the restaurant is _Dicky’s_?” Patrick responded, hearing the skeptical sound of his voice.

“Yep!” Marie responded, like that name wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. “Right in the middle of town, you can’t miss it. The walk is beautiful too. If you like that,” referring to the window and the mountains, “you guys will love it. It’s like you’re surrounded by them, like a snow globe. With that mountain air too, ooooo! It’s almost romantic!”

Patrick and Jonny both let out a little bit of a laugh.

“Thanks. And uhh, good luck with your practicing. Sad we won’t be able to cheer you guys on tonight,” Jonny said before they turned and walked towards the door.

She wasn’t wrong, it was incredible outside. They both stopped to take it in once they made it down the front steps. The mountain wind was cold, but the mix between that and the snow and the mountains, _and the mountains!_ It was like being in a winter wonderland. Or, honestly, a snow globe.

Jonny leaned his head down towards Patrick’s ear and whispered, “Holy shit.”

He threw his head back laughing like he was the fucking funniest person in the world, only laughing harder when Patrick punched him in the arm.

“Jonathan Toews, you are so lucky that the rest of the world doesn’t seem to know how big of an asshole you are. You have poor Marie in there fooled and blind to your asshole ways. ‘ _You’re so sweet_ ’ my ass,” Patrick fired back before heading towards the sidewalk leaving Jonny laughing and trotting to catch up.

“I am sweet! Don’t be a hater Kaner,” he said looking at Pat and catching him roll his eyes. “You want to call the uber or me?”

“Oh, shut up, don’t fake. We both know you want to walk, let’s just walk, it didn’t seem that far,” Patrick responded, starting the walk towards the town.

“You sure?” Jonny said bumping his shoulder, smile still stuck onto his face.

“Yeah I’m sure. Anyway, _it’s cute_ ,” he said with a smirk, jogging ahead and laughing a little so Jonny couldn’t punch him right back.

\---

Marie had been right, Dicky’s, although in massive need of a name change, was by far the best breakfast Jonny had ever had at a restaurant. They both had gotten pancakes and home fries because if they were going to be convinced to go to a place called Dicky’s, the might as well go all the way and get what she recommended too. Patrick had gotten eggs and a side of toast, but Jonny was already stretching the boundaries of his diet with the home fries, so bread wasn’t going to make the cut.

The maple syrup had been fantastic too. The Canadian in Jonny appreciated good maple syrup, but the hockey player in him knew the importance of low sugar intake. Luckily for him, the hockey player next to him didn’t give a shit about the sugar properties of maple syrup and thought Jonny was being too light with his pour and grabbed the glass and poured what he deemed a sufficient amount onto Jonny’s pancakes while giving him a sly smile and stating, “we walked,” like that made it okay. Jonny quietly ate his maple syrup with a side of pancakes and appreciated the occasional asshole ways of Patrick Kane, but damn if anybody else was going to know that.

Kaner grabbed a hot chocolate _with extra marshmallows_ to go as they got ready to leave the place because _it’s Christmas Eve Jonny, be festive_. Jonny was festive, just not in the cookies and crashing from a sugar high type of way.

They made their way a further down the sidewalk into the “downtown” section of town, which wasn’t really any different than the rest of the town, it was on the same road and they could see it from where they were walking, but the downtown area was where the big Christmas fair was and they had a few hours to kill so they figured they might as well check it out.

The streets were lined with Christmas lights, decorations, booths with games and homemade trinkets, clearly aiming towards last second Christmas gift shoppers, as well as some food booths with fudge and, of course, hot chocolate. In the middle of the road there was a stage with a band playing Christmas music and even a petting zoo for young kids. Or, young kids and Patrick, because that was the direction Patrick seemed to be making a beeline towards, because of course he was.

“Jonny look! A reindeer,” Patrick said pointing towards the petting area and speeding up his walk a little bit to get Jonny to follow him.

“Wow,” Jonny said in faux amazement, “Which one do you think it is?”

“Rudolph,” Patrick returned without skipping a beat.

“Rudolph has a red nose Kaner, even I know that” Jonny said looking at Kaner while he used what was essentially a gumball machine to get a handful of reindeer food.

Kaner collected his allotted amount of reindeer food from the machine and stood back up. “Obviously,” he deadpanned, “Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. Anyway, none of Santa’s reindeer would be here right now,” Patrick said casually, as if Santa’s reindeer were actually preparing for a long night’s journey at this very moment. He tossed some food on the ground in front of him and Jonny to get the reindeer’s attention before putting a small amount of food in his hand and reaching over the fence to entice it even further.

“But,” he continued, “If this was one of his reindeer, it would be Comet. Handsome and good with kids.”

Comet, for lack of a better name, seemed to have caught attention of Patrick’s food and started slowly making his way over towards them.

Jonny just watched as he walked in and nuzzled his way into Patrick’s hand licking up the amount of food he had placed in it. He couldn’t blame him either, Patrick had soft hands, he was sure if felt good for Comet to rub up against it and lick the food out of it. And, yeah, Patrick was right, he was good with kids. Or at least people anyway.

“Just like you,” Jonny responded, half thinking, half kind of jealous that Patrick had bought some food and he didn’t.

Patrick turned to look at Jonny and looked a little in shock. Jonny could see his face flush before he ducked his head away and put a little bit more food in his hand for Comet. And, _what?_ Patrick was good with kids, it wasn’t like some big complement. It’s not like Patrick didn’t know he was good with them, they loved him. He loved them too. So– _ooohhhhh_ , Jonny had called Patrick handsome too. Oh fuck, that’s not – that’s not what he meant. Not that he wasn’t, but it was just, he wouldn’t say that to him. Jonny felt his face flush too. He swiped a hand over his face and tried to think of a way to clarify what he meant. But he didn’t have a chance too because Patrick broke the silence first.

“Hold your hand out?”

“Huh?” Jonny responded, broken from his thoughts.

Patrick just grabbed Jonny’s hand and turned it over and placed the last handful of the food into it. “It tickles,” Patrick said, referring to Comet’s tongue.

Jonny just reached his hand out towards Comet, and Comet sniffed him, similar to how a dog or cat would to see if a person was friendly. Patrick reached his hand in to pet him and then started talking to him.

“That’s just Jonny, he’s nice. Most of the time,” he said before shooting Jonny a joking look.

But it worked because suddenly Comet was licking Jonny’s hand clean getting every last crumb of food before looking back up at Jonny like he was asking for more.

Patrick just continued petting him. “Yeah, you like Jonny, huh? Yeah, I like him too,” he said smiling at Jonny before pulling his hand away and shoving them into his pockets. “Where to next, Jonathan?”

Jonny could feel his face heat up again and his mouth contort into a smile. It was weird, obviously he knew Patrick liked him, he liked Patrick too. It wasn’t something that needed to be said and shouldn’t make him feel like an idiot, but in a good way. It was just something about telling a full-grown reindeer as if the reindeer could understand a single word of what he was saying that made Jonny feel a little warm inside.

He looked down at his feet and shuffled a little bit before looking back up and glancing around.

“Let’s go check out some of the shopping booths. I still need to buy some gifts,” he said, tilting his head in the direction of the booths.

They walked the rows of shops for a little while, checking out each booth. Most of them were selling Christmas things, like ornaments or candles, others were selling handmade scarfs and gloves. Jonny laughed to himself remembering the scarf he had made for Lindsey a few years back and mentally compared it to ones right in front of him, which were objectively much better, but also made the woman sitting right in front of him. It gave off a very small-town vibe where the community comes together and enjoys each other’s company and creations. It was kind of amazing.

“These are beautiful,” Jonny said to the woman, picking up one of the scarves and flipping it over in his hand. He saw Patrick shoot him a look that he knew meant _really?_ Like Jonny was brownnosing this woman.

He turned to face Patrick, “What?”

“What do you know about scarves?” Pat said laughing, “Like yeah they look nice, but your like, feeling them and examining them like it’s game tape,” he said grabbing a scarf to mimic what Jonny was doing.

“I am not ‘examining it like it’s game tape’. And fuck you, I know about scarves. A few years ago, I knitted one for Lindsey for Christmas,” Jonny said back, setting the scarf down on the table and heading towards the next booth.

“You knit?!” Patrick looked back at Jonny in genuine surprise.

“Well not anymore. It was a one-time thing a few years back. I suck at giving gifts. I’m not personal enough with them or whatever, so I googled ‘personal gifts’ and making a scarf came up as an option. I don’t know, it seemed easy enough, so I tried it,” he paused for a second to laugh, remembering how he got so angry at his first attempt that he tossed it in the trash. He probably should’ve quit after that but then he just wanted to do it just to prove to himself that he could. “Anyway. It sucked, and she never wore it. So that’s why I gotta find a gift here because otherwise she’s getting a scenes of Colorado calendar.”

“First of all,” Patrick started, holding up one finger and pulling Jonny over towards a bench to sit down and have this conversation. “You don’t suck at giving gifts. Secondly, you seriously have to buy a gift here? You’re really that person who waited till the last minute to get a gift this year? So, unlike you Tazer,” Kaner finished, giving Jonny the universal _tisk tisk_ sign with his fingers.

“I wait until the last minute _every_ year Kaner,” Jonny shot back like he had been called for penalty he didn’t commit. “And yeah, I suck at giving gifts, did you not just hear me say that I’m currently giving my girlfriend of like four years a calendar that I bought in the airport.”

Patrick looked at Jonny for a second without saying anything, like he was trying to read his face. He almost had a fond look in his eyes before speaking up.

“You don’t wait until the last minute every year Jonny. Remember our rookie year?”

And… Jonny did, he just didn’t know Patrick had too. He had to tamp down on a blush because that was so long ago, and he was kind of embarrassed, like it was stupid thing he had done. Patrick had been sad for a few weeks leading up to Christmas and Jonny had kind of felt the same way, but Patrick was talking to his family a lot those few weeks in December and it wasn’t like Jonny was trying to eavesdrop or anything, but when you room together it’s not something he could really miss. He knew Patrick didn’t have anybody to really spend Christmas with, he had the Bowman’s, but they were going through a lot, and he knew Patrick didn’t really want to invade their place on Christmas, and him and Seabs didn’t have anybody to do anything with, so he figured he might as well bring up to Seabs that they should have Patrick over. And if it was going to be Christmas, he should get him a gift. It was only fair.

He felt like he needed to defend himself, although he wasn’t really sure from what.

“I knew Seabs was inviting you, we couldn’t just invite you over without getting you a gift. I saw it in some store when we were in New York to play the Rangers or something, thought it was funny,” Jonny shrugged, like it had been nothing. He wasn’t exactly being one hundred percent honest either, he had seen something like it in New York, but it was a keychain and it said Patrick, but Pat didn’t exactly have keys at that time to put a keychain on, and he really wanted one that said Kaner, so he just decided to custom ordered a baggage tag online a few weeks before Christmas. It wasn’t anything special, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him a little happy when he saw that Kaner was actually using it.

Patrick just smiled, like he knew Jonny was lying but wasn’t going to call him out on it, which in hindsight, not too many things had _KANER_ written on them.

“Well thank you anyway,” Patrick said laughing, “I loved that thing, reminded me of home. I still have it too, but the chain broke off, so it just sits in a drawer now,” pausing before switching back to the conversation at hand.

“But, that right there proves that you don’t wait until the last minute every year. And I’m sure Lindsey will love the calendar anyway,” he said before Jonny cut him off.

“Shut up,” Jonny said shoving Patrick lightly. “You don’t believe that for second.”

Patrick just laughed. “Ok no, I don’t, but she should. It’s coming from you and you’re flying to her hometown to spend it with her. Like that’s gift enough as far as I’m concerned,” he trailed off, catching the look Jonny was sending to him like he didn’t want to have this conversation again. “But anyway, I did notice I really nice ornament over there that she might like.”

Jonny looked back at him skeptically, “What would you know about something she might like?” Jonny retorted, but standing up anyway. He half expected him to say, _because it’s expensive_ , but instead he responded with –

“I have no idea Tazer, just humor me, okay?”

And yeah, Jonny was pretty good at doing that.

\---

Patrick had turned out to be right about the ornament booth.

The ornament itself was beautiful, it was glass and had a ballerina dancing inside of it, design similar to a ship in a bottle. It wasn’t that personal, but it made up for it in beauty, and it was handmade and everything, so he figured that scored bonus points.

They slowly started making their way back towards the inn shortly after that. It would be about two by the time they got back, and their flight was scheduled to head out around four, so they would have enough time to pack up and make it back to the airport without it being in a rush.

Jonny was kind of sad that they’d be leaving soon, but it wasn’t a vacation by any means, and he really did have to get to Pittsburgh by Christmas. And he was sure Patrick wanted to get back to Buffalo too, he was going to have two flights tonight, so he was sure he was eager to get going.

But he was still kind of bummed. He really enjoyed being able to spend time with Patrick away from hockey, away from other distractions and really just enjoy hanging out with one another as friends. It was hard to do that back in Chicago between hockey during the season and Lindsey and their families during the offseason. It was just nice to hang out with his best friend, he hadn’t forgotten why he liked hanging out with Kaner so much, but this plane delay and Montana really highlighted why they were so close. He wanted to make sure they found the time to just hang out together once they got back home. It sounded weird to say, but he missed Patrick, and maybe Patrick had missed them too. It had definitely been fun, but he was looking forward to Christmas and getting back to hockey.

The two of them had silently walked back, occasionally bumping each other shoulders just to remind the other that they were there, but never saying a word. Snow had begun to fall again, and Jonny had half expected to look up and see Santa and his reindeer flying overhead because the place felt like it had transformed into the North Pole. The snow wasn’t anything other than a few small flakes, so neither of them seemed to think too much about it further than a Christmas stereotype brought to life.

As they were walking they passed a jewelry store and Jonny had stopped walking and grabbed Patrick out of reflex.

“Hey, do you uhh. I just wanna check this place out, wait for me?”

“Umm, sure. I mean I’ll just head in with you, but we probably don’t want to take too long,” Patrick answered, grabbing the door and holding it for Jonny to go in.

The store was tiny. Not that Jonny should’ve been surprised by that, but in comparison to the one he went into with Sharpy about a week ago this one seemed like the exact opposite.

There was only one woman behind the counter who had greeted them when they walked in. They were the only ones in the store, so Jonny felt himself relax as he went over and looked at the rings.

“What do you think of this one?” Jonny said after a few minutes, pointing at one and looking back towards Kaner, crunched down, with his head only a few inches away from the glass.

The woman took out the box the ring was in and placed it on the counter for them to get a better look.

“I don’t know Tazer, it looks like a ring, why?” Patrick said, looking confused but not disinterested.

“This is my favorite ring that we have here. It’s gorgeous, responsibly mined too. I assume it would be for a proposal?” she asked, looking a Jonny who returned with a nod, still trying to get a better look at the ring.

“Well,” she continued, “Whoever she is would be lucky to have it.”

“Wait, Jonny, are you serious?” Patrick asked, suddenly more interested in this now.

“Uh yeah,” Jonny said, drawn out, kind of sounding confused. “I mean, I was looking with Sharpy last week, but I didn’t find anything.”

“Yeah, I know, I just… I don’t know, are you sure? With Lindsey? She’s a great girl, seriously, but you really think she’s great for you? Like great as in, the one for you? The person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. The person you’re going to wake up every morning. The person you’re going to start and raise a family with. Does she even want that? Because I know that you do. And even after all of this, what she pulled over Christmas. You’re still sure you want to propose to her?” Patrick said, like he was forgetting the saleswoman was right there. He sounded shocked and a little bit hurt maybe, and upset too, like he was upset with Jonny. And what he was saying made sense, but they’d talk about those things and sort them out. They’d been dating for four years now, what was the point in waiting any longer?

Patrick continued, “I just… I don’t…” before lingering off and meeting Jonny’s eyes, questioning, almost pleading.

“Kaner, we’ve been together for four years now. Isn’t it time? I’m almost 30, if we aren’t getting married than what am I doing? If we break up, then what? I have to go through the whole dating process again, another four years? Yeah, we have some problems, what couple doesn’t? But we’re happy together, she makes me happy, and I owe this to her. And,” Jonny said, turning his attention back towards the ring, “this ring is perfect. It just feels right, right?”

Patrick took a step back but based on the look on his face it didn’t seem like he agreed with him.

“I uhh,” Patrick started, trying to find his words and filter his thoughts. “I’m almost 30 too Jonny, and I just broke up with my girlfriend of a few years too. I broke up with her because I didn’t love her, I couldn’t love her, okay? But I did it knowing that I was going to have to start over, and maybe I wouldn’t be able to find somebody for a few years, maybe not get married until after I retire. But I did it, because even considering all those things you just said, I didn’t love her, but I do love myself. And that sounds really stupid, I know, but like, this is my life. Your life. You can’t do something this big and life changing just because you think you owe it to somebody else.”

“I’m not just doing it because I owe it to her,” Jonny started before Patrick cut him off.

“Oh really? Because in all of what you said, you know what you didn’t say? You didn’t say you loved her. And call me crazy, but that should’ve been the first thing you said. So, if you want to buy that ring, and propose to the wrong girl, and not have the life you deserve Jonny, then you can do it. But I’m not going to stand here and watch you do it, so I’ll just catch you back at the inn, all right.”

And, oh. He hadn’t said that. But he did, he did love her. He did, right? They’d been together so long, of course he did, he just forgot to say it.

He wanted to stop Patrick before he got to the door, it just, it felt important. Like the most important thing right now. But when he went to open his mouth his words were cut off by the chime of their cell phones. They both grabbed their phones and read the text.

_Your flight, flight number 87 to Pittsburgh, has been postponed due to inclement weather. Updates to follow._

“Great,” Patrick sighed, “looks like we might as well just fly back to Chicago for Christmas,” before shutting the door and heading out back towards the inn.

“Patrick!” Jonny yelled out after the door closed, but Patrick was already gone.

Jonny didn’t really know what to do. He was kind of at a loss, left in that hopeless alone state of being like after you get out of the penalty box because the other team scored a goal on the power play because of your penalty. Jonny hated that feeling, but he hated this feeling even more.

He turned back towards the woman, remembering she was also in the room.

“Do you want me to wrap this up for you?” she asked nicely, like it was an attempt to get the world back on its axis.

What sucked the most about it, was that Jonny didn’t really know anymore. He just stood there, closed his eyes, and tried to think.


	8. Chapter 8

“Wait, Pat. Stop talking. I need you to slow down,” Erica’s voice cut Patrick off.

He had rushed back to the inn from the jewelry store and practically ran up the stairs to the room. He didn’t know how much of a head start he had on Jonny but he wanted to make sure he was able to put some distance between them, just so he had enough time to gather his thoughts, but he wasn’t really all that sure why.

He let out a groan and collapsed onto the bed, keeping his phone trapped between his ear and shoulder.

“So,” he continued, holding onto the _ooooo_ for dramatic effect, “he’s gonna propose to her. And she _sucks_ ,” he was borderline whining, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t the truth.

Erica had tried to suppress a laugh but wasn’t able to keep it completely under control. Patrick just rolled his eyes.

“I’m sure she doesn’t suck, don’t be dramatic.”

“But he deserves so much better than her! He just thinks it’s the right thing to do, that’s the only reason why he’s going to propose to her,” Patrick responded defensively. It was a bad idea, for him to call Erica, she couldn’t understand why it was such a terrible idea, but he just needed to tell somebody, needed the confirmation that he wasn’t alone in feeling like this.

She hadn’t responded, which meant that she was thinking about what she should say back, like she was treading lightly, which wasn’t a good sign. He spoke up again, almost desperately, trying to make her see his point.

“He feels so indebted to her just because she puts up with him during the hockey season. And that’s not even true most of the time, like he rarely hangs out with the guys anymore unless the whole team is doing something together because he feels so bad about leaving her when we’re on the road. She just takes from him all the time and he just keeps giving. But he doesn’t see it! And he’s just gonna settle because he feels like it’s the right thing to do.”

“Oh Pat…” Erica responded slowly, sounding somber and letting her words linger.

Patrick sat up. He didn’t like that sound. “What?” he said questioning, something told him he wasn’t going to like what she was about to say.

He heard her let out a breath of air, like she was repositioning herself for this conversation. He waited.

“It’s just – You don’t think…” she paused, trying to pick her words carefully. “Is it possible that there’s another reason why you might feel this way about him proposing?”

He let what she said resonate. He turned it around in his brain, _another reason why you might feel this way_ , what did that mean? He knew Lindsey wasn’t the best for Jonny, he’d known it for a while, but this whole situation proved it to him even more. He hoped that it would’ve proved it to Jonny too.

“What… What do you mean?” he answered back after he realized he’d remained quiet for too long.

“Do you love Jonny?” Erica returned hastily, like she was ripping off a band-aid, just wanting to get the words out. He just sat in a stunned silence, trying to process what she said. Trying to process what her saying that meant she knew. She spoke up again after a moment.

“Or even like him? Or maybe you’re a little jealous of her?”

She was trying to give him options, or she was trying to fill the quietness. He didn’t know, he didn’t really care. He didn’t… He didn’t love Jonny, or like Jonny, this wasn’t even about him. This was about Jonny, and Lindsey not being right for him, and Jonny was his best friend and he didn’t want Jonny to go through with this. He didn’t want him to make this mistake.

“What?” Pat managed to stammer out again. “I… I don’t…” he started to say, not really sure where he planned on that sentence going.

“Pat, you don’t –” Erica started back up before catching herself. “Look, you don’t have to say anything, okay? That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m not trying to make you talk about it, that’s on you. Whenever you want, I’ll be here. Everybody else too. But that’s – It’s just – _Ugh_ I suck, I’m sorry. Look, what I said yesterday on the phone, about you not knowing you love somebody yet, I wasn’t completely joking. I don’t know Jonny’s girlfriend, but I know you, and I know Jonny, and the way you act around him, how he acts around you, and the way you talk about him, it just, it makes me wonder. Patrick, I just don’t want you doing anything to hurt your friendship because you don’t think anybody would be as good for him as you, even if you don’t realize that’s what you’re doing. So just, just think about it, okay? Make sure you are 100% sure that’s not what you’re doing here.”

Patrick was in awe. He felt like he got rocked by a blindside hit into the boards. He was down on the ice and everything was spinning. He didn’t love Jonny, he didn’t even think about Jonny like that, and even if he did, Jonny didn’t think about him like that. It would be an exercise in futility. But he also hadn’t realized he was gay for 28 years or so, so… But no. No. Lindsey wasn’t right for him. Period.

It wasn’t, Lindsey isn’t right for him, comma, because _I’m better for him_. Right?

He had never thought that positively of any of his past girlfriends either, but that wasn’t because of him. Was it?

Fuck. He groaned.

“Pat, I’m sorry. I know it sucks, but just think about it. Make sure that’s not something you’re doing subconsciously, because I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret,” she paused before asking him a question. “Do any of the other guys feel like she’s bad for him?” He almost forgot she was there, like she hadn’t blown up his world into a million little pieces.

Patrick just shook his head in answer. Sharpy had taken him to look at rings, to look at rings at the place where he bought Abby’s ring. He wouldn’t have done that if he thought that way. But they weren’t as close as him and Jonny were, he didn’t know Jonny as well.

He didn’t know how awful Jonny was. He didn’t know how much of a pain in the ass he was to eat dinner with, how he’d never order the food he actually wanted because it wasn’t in his meal plan, but then he’d reside to picking at Patrick’s food like a seagull to get a taste of what he wanted. Or how big of a poor sport he was whenever Patrick beat him in Mario Kart. Or how he just refused to take a hint when you were pissed at him and refused to leave you alone until you weren’t mad anymore.

But he also didn’t know how great of a friend he was. Like how he’d always relent to what Patrick wanted, even if he’d put up a fight before agreeing. Or how he always made sure to check in with the Kane’s when they came out to see him. That Jonny was just as great with kids as Patrick, and that he’d make a great dad one day. How badly he looked forward to being a dad after he retired. Or how he, even as a rookie, didn’t let Patrick be alone on Christmas. Jonny was a great friend, and Patrick couldn’t let him down here.

It was just… Did being a good friend trying to stop the proposal? Or, was it him putting his own feelings aside to let Jonny go? He didn’t know. The idea that he could even have feeling for Jonny was so foreign to him until a few minutes ago.

“Thanks, Erica,” it came out wrecked, his voice caught in his throat. He meant it too, he just didn’t expect it from this conversation.

“Pat, I’m sorry, I know you’ll figure it out. I didn’t mean to mess you up. I love you Patrick. Seriously, I love you, please try to enjoy your Christmas Eve, okay? You’ll figure it out, I know you will,” Erica responded tenderly though the phone.

“I love you too,” Patrick managed to respond before hanging up the phone and burying his face in a pillow.

\---

Jonny left the jewelry store in a daze.

He knew Patrick didn’t like Lindsey, or at least didn’t like her with him, but he didn’t realize he was completely against the idea that he was going to propose to her.

He couldn’t really wrap his head around it. He’d been with her for four years and nobody else had ever said anything bad about the two of them being together, not any of the guys, not his family, nobody.

Nobody but Patrick.

He should’ve been able to shake it off. Should’ve been able to chalk it up to “well you can’t please everyone”, but for some reason he couldn’t.

It was just that it was Kaner, and Kaner knew Jonny better than almost anybody else, and Kaner wouldn’t be acting like an ass about this unless he thought he really needed to.

It felt like he was choosing between his best friend and the love of his life.

And that was another thing that pissed him off, _you know what you didn’t say? You didn’t say you loved her._ Patrick’s words echoed in his head since he left the shop. Jonny couldn’t shake that. Why hadn’t he said that? He did, he did love her, he had too, right? He would know if he didn’t, it had been four years, that wasn’t just because he liked her. But then why didn’t he say it?

Jonny slinked down onto a bench next to the sidewalk. The snow continued to fall, and the sidewalk remained quiet. Surrounded by mountains, the cool, winter air, and the only sound that of falling snow, it was peaceful. He leaned back against the bench, closed his eyes, and just tried to think. Tried to clear his mind and just think about him. Not Lindsey, not Kaner, not his family, just, Jonny.

It felt lame, and he was happy that nobody else was around to chirp him for his momentary meditation, but it helped.

He pulled out his phone, searched through his contacts, and pressed call.

The phone rang a few times before he picked up.

“Jon?” Seabs hurried back in a hushed tone through the phone, like he was rushing to get out of a room

“Oh, sorry. Did I interrupt you?” Jonny pulled his phone back to check the time, it wasn’t that late that he’d be at any Christmas parties or anything. “I can call you back, it’s not –”

“No, no. You’re fine. I’m actually happy you called, you calling me was one of the only things that Dayna wouldn’t get mad at me about leaving mass for,” Seabs finished with a laugh, voice back to its usual volume.

“Since when do you go to mass?” Jonny said, forgetting why he called.

“Since it’s Christmas Eve,” Seabs stated back, matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just, _you_ don’t go to church on Christmas Eve,” Jonny replied, sounding skeptical.

Seabs just laughed again. “Exactly Tazer, but Dayna does, and as a good husband, I like to support my wife on her spiritual journey.”

“You just don’t like to sleep on the couch,” Jonny fired back, putting the pieces together.

“Precisely,” Seabs said with a laugh again. He sounded happy, like a dad would sound on Christmas Eve. Seabs continued, “Hence why I’m glad you called and got me out of there for a few minutes.”

Jonny could feel himself smiling. His relationship with Seabs was different than his relationship with the rest of the guys. They’d lived together for a few years, Seabs kind of felt like a brother because of that, he felt happy that Seabs was happy.

“How are the kids? Excited for Santa?” His kids were really young, but he figured at least his oldest understood the concept of Santa by now.

Seabs went on for a little bit talking about who was getting what, how excited Carter and Kenzie had been to make cookies with Dayna for Santa that afternoon and how they had learned all the names to the reindeer. It sounded great. Jonny was happy for him.

“So, why’d you call? It wasn’t just to spread Christmas cheer, was it?” Seabs asked after he finished a story about how he had to rush out last night to grab more wrapping paper because Dayna didn’t think they had enough variety.

“Well, no, not exactly, but uh, I actually met a reindeer today,” Jonny felt his chest warm thinking of the memory, “I think I got a picture, I’ll send it to you and you can show the kids and tell them Uncle Jonny met Comet,” Jonny returned. He was stalling, but he couldn’t stop himself, he did genuinely care about hearing what was going on with him, but he wouldn’t have just called to ask him about that, so he couldn’t lie.

“Uh oh Tazer, you’re stalling. What’d do?”

“I’m not stalling, I really did!” Jonny pulled up his texts from Pat and found the picture he had taken. It was great picture, Comet was licking the food from his hand and Jonny was beaming. He looked really happy. He saved the picture to his phone and then texted it to Seabs.

“See! Check your texts, I really did,” Jonny finished, feeling proud that he had proof.

“That’s actually a great picture Jon, why Comet though?” Seabs asked innocently. And, he could’ve answered, but it would’ve just been too complicated, and he would’ve shown more of his cards than he wanted too, so he just remained silent,

“See, you’re stalling. You didn’t call to tell me you saw a reindeer,” Seabs rushed back, realizing he had been sidetracked. “Now what’s up, c’mon, let’s hear it.”

He figured he might as well just get it out there, no reason to waste any more time to talk himself out of why he called.

“What do you think about me and Lindsey?” Jonny asked while the question echoed in his head.

Brent took a moment before responding, “Why are you asking?” His voice sounded suspicious, like he knew there was more information to get before he answered.

“Just asking,” Jonny lied.

“Don’t bullshit me Jon,” Seabs responded.

“Don’t swear at a church,” he was stalling again, he knew he was, but surely swearing on the doorsteps of a church of Christmas Eve wasn’t allowed, or something like that.

“At least I showed up, I’m forgiven. But don’t front with me, why are you asking what I think about you and Lindsey? Why does it matter?” Seabs finished.

Jonny heard a car door shut, which meant that Brent probably realized this was going to be a longer conversation than he had anticipated and was going to go sit in his car for warmth.

“It’s just that, I was kind of thinking about proposing and I told Kaner and he got mad, or something like that. And then I went to look at a ring and he freaked out and told me I was making a mistake and that I’m only doing it because I think I owe it to her. Basically, he’s pissed, he hates her, and I didn’t know if everybody thought that way or if it was just Kaner.” That was pretty much what he had called to say, or ask, or whatever he was doing. He just needed to hear what somebody else thought.

“Hmmmmm,” Brent said like he was thinking through the phone, “Is this why I found you having a breakdown in your car last week?”

“Oh, fuck off, I wasn’t having a breakdown. I knew I shouldn’t have called you. I was just mad because I wanted to go to Winnipeg for Christmas, but Lindsey had already flown to Pittsburgh, so we had to go there, not related to this situation at all,” Jonny said, trying to defend his attack on his car horn.

“But is it?” Brent said, “like you don’t think that maybe that situation has a little bit to do with why Kaner doesn’t like her?”

Jonny ran his hand through his hair, because it was part of the whole situation, but that wasn’t the only part.

Seabs spoke up again, “But Jonny, why does it matter what Kaner thinks? Or what I think? If you love her, you love her. You can’t change that and don’t let anybody else think you’re wrong for feeling like that. If you want to propose to her, do it.”

Jonny realized Seabs still hadn’t answered his question.

“You don’t like her, do you?” Jonny said slowly, he was pretty sure of what his answer was going to be, but he needed to hear it.

Seabs sighed, “Jon. I do like her,” Jonny waited for the ‘but’.

“But,” Jonny finished for him.

“But,” Seabs continued, “I see why Kaner doesn’t, and I uhh, I agree with him. A little bit. But that’s not for me to tell you that, I understand why he did, but that’s not something I would tell you, or something anybody else would. And if you love her, don’t let that get in the way.”

“Why do you think that Kaner told me then?” Jonny asked, not ready to be done with this call.

“I can only guess Tazer, but I’m sure your guesses would be better than mine. Maybe you should ask him that, maybe it’s just that you guys are best friends, and he’s not going to let you do something he thinks is a mistake.”

“But we’re friends, and you would’ve let me?” Jon questioned, trying to make sense of what Brent was saying.

“We’re friends and I would’ve supported you in any decision you made, any decision you will make. And if that decision would’ve turned out to be a mistake, well, then I would’ve supported you through that too. And,” Seabs said before finishing, “Kaner will too, you’re not gonna get rid of him that easy.”

Jonny just laughed, because he knew that was true.

“Thanks, Seabs, tell Dayna I apologize for making you ditch her during her spiritual journey,” Jonny said, trying to wrap up the conversation on a lighter note.

He laughed. Jonny heard the car door shut again, meaning that Seabs was getting ready to head back inside.

“I should be the one thanking you. But, I’ll make sure to let her know it was all your fault and that I wished to be next to her for every second of this phone call.”

“I think that lying in a church is a sin, Seabs” Jonny returned back to him, standing up off the bench and walking slowly back down the sidewalk towards the inn. The snow had begun to stick to the ground, but it hadn’t gotten much worse than it had been a half-hour ago.

Seabs laughed again before wrapping up the call. “Okay man, I’ll talk to you later, but seriously, if you love her you love her, everything after that is easy. And if you don’t, then you don’t, it would be worse for you to force yourself into thinking you did. See you in a few days, Merry Christmas Jon.”

“Merry Christmas Seabs,” Jonny finished quietly before hanging up and sliding his phone back into his pocket.

He didn’t know if the phone call had helped any, but at least it gave him something to think about while he walked back. Gave him a little while longer before he had to face Patrick again.

\---

Patrick had his back pressed up against the headrest of the bed by the time Jonny got back to the room. He was sitting on top of the blankets, shoes kicked off by the side of the bed but otherwise still dressed in the same clothes as he was in while he was out earlier in the day. It wasn’t late enough for bed yet, hell, it wasn’t even late enough for dinner yet, which was going to be another process considering they no longer had a flight to make, but he was exhausted, physically, emotionally, he didn’t know, but all he felt like doing right now was nothing.

He had played on his phone for a little bit after he hung up with Erica, but it hadn’t helped much so he tossed it on the nightstand and found the movie he was looking for that had just started playing on ABC Family, or whatever they called themselves now, and settled in.

Jonny took longer getting back to the room than Patrick thought he would’ve taken, but he knew that based on how he had made a dramatic exit from the jewelry store that Jonny was going to give him some space, at least for a little while.

Patrick hadn’t really worked out much of what Erica had said to him on the phone, but two things were abundantly clear to him. The first was that Erica knew he was gay. Or at least, not straight, because not only had she straight up asked him if he was in love with Jonny, which was obviously not a straight thing for him to think, she then proceeded to follow it up with saying that he didn’t have to say anything, which was the equivalent of saying the she knew it for a fact, but would be there for him whenever he wanted to tell her. He was planning on telling them all over this break anyway, but it surprised him that she knew. That maybe if she knew, other people knew too. Like what if Jonny knew, and Jonny thought what Erica thought, that he hated Lindsey because he wanted Jonny. He didn’t think so, but his brain was scattered at the moment, so he had to consider all possibilities.

The other thing that was clear to him after his talk with Erica was that he was being kind of an asshole. Regardless of his friendship with Jonny, he shouldn’t be telling him that he shouldn’t propose to her, that wasn’t something for Patrick to decide.

“Hey,” Jonny said tentatively after entering the room.

Patrick looked over towards Jonny who was struggling to take his shoes off by the door. Patrick just shook his head and smiled, _typical Canadian manners._

“What?” Jonny said, looking up after he toed off his shoes and made his way towards the bathroom.

“Making me look bad with your damn Canadian manners,” Patrick said motioning toward his shoes just inches away from the bed.

“Don’t blame America because you’re a slob,” Jonny managed to say before he shut the door to the bathroom.

“Oh please!” Patrick yelled through the wall, “I roomed with you for like 5 seasons, I’ve been to your apartment Toews, if anyone is the slob it’s you!”

He heard the sound of the toilet flush and the water run before Jonny opened the door. “The evidence,” Jonny stated, taking one glance at his shoes by the door, and then another look at Patrick’s shoes next to the bed, “states otherwise,” he finished with a laugh, to which Patrick rolled his eyes too. They both knew Jonny was messier than Patrick and Patrick would hunt down anyone who seriously claimed otherwise.

Jonny made his way towards the bed and sat down, pressing his back up against the back, mirroring Patrick’s position.

“So, what are we watching?” Jonny asked just as the conductor on screen was saying _This is the Polar Express_. Patrick just turned towards Jonny.

“Well, that was timely,” Jonny said with a suppressed laugh. “I haven’t seen this movie in years. I think the last time I watched it was with you,” Jonny finished, looking at Patrick for confirmation.

“I would hardly call that watching,” Patrick said, thinking back to the year they spent Christmas Eve together, Seabs passed out in a recliner and Pat and Jonny trying to throw pieces of chocolate chip cookies into his mouth from where they sat on the couch. By the time they finally got a piece in and managed to wake up Seabs before he started choking on it, half the movie went by, and Jonny spent the whole second half picking apart confusions in the plot.

Jonny must’ve remembered the memory too, because he was smiling. Pat nudged him on the shoulder and felt himself smiling too. And this, this was too easy, Jonny should be mad at him, or at least upset with him over what happened today, he shouldn’t have just let it go. But, Jonny was Jonny, and he usually didn’t stay upset with Pat too long, even in times when he really deserved it.

“But yeah, you’re probably right,” Patrick continued. “Every year somebody in my family gets to pick which Christmas movie we watch on Christmas Eve, we usually all try to watch it together, sometimes I’ll skype them when I can’t make it home, but even if I can’t do that I still watch it. Makes me feel like I’m home with them; like I’m not missing out on anything. We have a cycle on who gets to choose the movie, my mom and dad always pick this one, so they get grouped together, every five years you get to choose the movie,” Patrick stopped to do some mental math in his head, next year was his year, he called dibs on the years that ended with 8’s.

“What do you usually pick? _Please_ don’t tell me it’s Christmas with the Kranks,” Jonny joked, but seemed genuinely interested in Patrick’s answer.

“You wish!” Patrick joked back, laughing in his head about how that movie had quickly become their inside joke. “But no, I try to pick a movie we don’t usually watching during the holiday season, so that nobody can sit and quote the movie while we watch it. I don’t know, makes it feel more special I guess?” He looked at Jonny, trying to read his face to see if he got what he meant.

“Yeah, I get it, it makes sense,” Jonny said nodding, drawing his attention back towards the screen just as the conductor stopped to pick up the last kid on the train. Jonny didn’t think that he got on, or at least something would happen to help him get on the train after he realized he wanted to get on.

“Kaner, when did you stop believing in Santa?” Jonny asked as the kid on the screen was taking a step back away from the train. He was sure they had talked about it before, but he couldn’t remember.

“I don’t really know. I feel like I still do, not like, literally, but I left home early for hockey, and I lived with other people, not on my own, so I always had other people there for me to be ‘Santa’, if that makes any sense. Like I don’t think I believed in him once I turned 12, obviously I went to school where kids would be dicks and talk about it, but it felt nice, believing in it, right? Like Santa embodied the Christmas spirit, so whenever I get a gift or something, it’s like Santa, but not,” he looked at Jonny waiting for him to laugh, but he didn’t, he had some type of look on his face, but Patrick couldn’t read it, so he just continued. “That sounds lame, I know. But like, Christmas is more fun when you believe in Santa, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, I get it,” Jonny said earnestly, pausing before he continued. “I think David stopped believing before I did. I feel like I always knew, it just didn’t make sense to me, but I’ve never been great at putting things together like that, and I think that I just didn’t want to believe it wasn’t true, so I didn’t. Eventually my parents just stopped pretending, like they’d still write _From: Santa_ on the tags and stuff, but then they’d be like, ‘we have the receipt if you don’t like it’.”

“I think that when I have kids, I’ll want them to believe in him for as long as possible,” Patrick said, not really for any reason at all.

“Yeah,” Jonny responded, not meeting Patrick’s eyes, “me too.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, focusing on movie. Jonny had repositioned himself, his thigh was now pressed up against Patrick’s and his head was pressed back against the backboard as well. He looked tired.

“You can take a nap man if you want, I’ll mute it,” Patrick said, grabbing for the clicker.

“’S okay, don’t want to fall asleep, just wanna rest my eyes. Long day,” Jonny replied. He didn’t look like he was going to fall asleep, it just looked like he wanted to stretch out, maybe mediate for a second.

After a few moments Patrick could hear his breathing even out, he was still awake, but he seemed more relaxed, which was good. Patrick didn’t get to see too much of a relaxed Jonny anymore.

Patrick didn’t want to mess with Jonny’s relaxation method he had going on at the moment, but he was an opportunist at heart, and he knew if he was going to say something this might be the best chance he had to.

“Hey, Jon,” Patrick said patting Jonny’s thigh to get his attention, just in case he was in some type of trance or something.

“Hmmm,” he murmured back, still not quite opening his eyes.

“I just wanted to apologize about what I said today, I didn’t really mean it.”

“Kaner,” Jonny said opening his eyes to meet his, but otherwise not moving, “you don’t have to apologize. I get it, it’s fine, really. And you did mean it –”

“No, I mean – Yes, I meant what I said about Lindsey, but I apologize, I was out of line, I don’t know your relationship like you do, okay? But I didn’t mean what I said about not being able to watch you make a mistake. If you do propose to her, know that I’ll be the first to congratulate you, I’ll be the first one to make a speech at the wedding, if you’ll have me. I don’t want you to doubt your relationship because of me, okay? That’s all I’m saying,” Patrick finished, it had come out cleaner when he practiced this conversation in his head, but he got the main point across, he wasn’t going to stand in the way of Jonny’s happiness, if that’s what Jonny wanted his happiness to be.

“I know you’re just looking out for me Pat, it’s okay,” Jonny said sounding sincere before he closed his eyes again leaned his head against Patrick’s shoulder like he sometimes would if he fell asleep first on a long flight.

“Can you tell me what’s going on in this movie,” he mumbled into Patrick’s bicep. “I never really understand the part after they get to the North Pole.”

Patrick just laughed at that and wrapped his arm around Jonny and pulled him in a little closer. He realized what he had done after he did it, but Jonny didn’t fight it so he just left it, probably a testament to how tired he felt.

“Sure, thing buddy,” Patrick said, arm still wrapped around Jonny’s shoulder, sharing in his body warmth. “But they still aren’t there yet, so just sit tight, they gotta cross the ocean or something right now.”

“The ice breaks,” Jonny says pointedly, like he’s seen this movie a hundred times. “My mom always pretended that she was scared during this scene when I was kid so that David or me would go hold her hand while we watched it.”

Patrick almost reached towards Jonny’s hand to jokingly hold it, but for some reason it didn’t feel like he should. He just tugged Jonny a little closer instead.

“My mom does the same thing to, although I think she only did it to make us laugh at her so that we wouldn’t get scared.”

“You scared Pat?” Jonny joked, hooking a foot around Patrick’s ankle in mock support.

“No, not anymore,” he joked back, ruffling Jonny’s hair.

“Good,” Jonny said. Patrick could feel his smile pressed up against his shirt. He felt his face flush, and for once, he had a little bit better of an idea why.

The only sound that filled the room for the next 20 minutes or so was the movie. Pat didn’t know if Jonny had fallen asleep or not, but he didn’t want risk waking him if he had.

He reached over to the nightstand and to feel around for his phone and snapped a picture of the screen and texted it to his family chat:

_Flight still delayed :( but still got to watch the movie just in case_

Followed by:

_nerd kid is still annoying_

He smiled picturing how his mom would laugh at that. It was like an inside joke amongst their whole family stemming from the first time they ever watched this movie and Patrick went on an epic rant about how unnecessarily annoying his character was.

He was about to put his phone back down before he pulled up his camera again and flipped the camera around to take a selfie of him with his arm wrapped around a half-asleep Jonny, cheek pressed against his arm. He didn’t have any plans to send the picture to anybody or anything, but he took it because he wanted to capture the moment, and now he had. It didn’t have to mean anything more.

Jonny stirred a few minutes later and Patrick took his arm away from where he had it wrapped around Jonny’s shoulder but didn’t move otherwise.

“Time’s it?” Jonny said groggily and stretching out a little bit, nuzzling into Patrick’s armpit.

Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t know, a little before 5?”

“You didn’t tell me what happened once they got to the North Pole,” Jonny complained while still trying to get ahold of his voice.

“You fell asleep,” Patrick said with a laugh.

“Did not,” Jonny managed to mumble back.

“The evidence,” Patrick said, lifting up his arm that Jonny was pressed against and using his hand to ruffle Jonny’s hair again, “states otherwise.” He couldn’t help but snicker to himself for using Jonny’s quote against him.

Jonny groaned and hoisted himself up, opening his eyes and elbowing Patrick in the side as retaliation.

“So now what?”, Jonny said a few seconds later, looking at Patrick expectedly.

“Now what, what?” Patrick answered, eyes still cast towards the tv, confused as to what Jonny was referring to.

Jonny let out a huff, “Now what do we do?”

Patrick wasn’t used to Jonny asking Patrick for a plan, he was the captain on the ice for a reason, he wasn’t usually much different off it either.

“I don’t know man, we watch the end of this movie, grab some food, and then hope that our flight gets rescheduled, so we can be home for Christmas?” He internally cringed at himself for using the word home, since Jonny wasn’t actually going home, but Jonny didn’t correct him, so he just let it be. He hadn’t really thought about a plan for that night before Jonny had asked, but he figured it was going to go something like that.

“Okay,” Jonny said casually, “sounds like a plan.”

“If we uh,” Patrick began, “If we don’t get a flight out tonight, are you just going to book a flight back to Chicago or…” he left the end of his question unfinished, wanting Jonny to fill in the rest.

Jonny pondered it for a moment, “I’m not sure, probably? We have a game on the 27th, so I’d probably want to be back the 26th anyway…” Jonny paused, thinking it over in his head again. “Yeah, I don’t know, but I think so. What about you?”

“I need to go back to Buffalo,” Patrick said letting out a sigh. He really wanted to be there for Christmas, but he recognized that the chances of that happening were slipping away. But he felt like he had to go home regardless, he wanted to start the New Year off right, and for some reason if felt more important that he go home now than it did before.

Jonny just nodded along in agreement, like he understood what Patrick was saying, although Patrick really hoped he didn’t.

They watched the screen as Santa awarded the first gift of Christmas. Patrick went to make a move to get off the bed and grab the gift he had bought for Jonny the day in Dallas when he found one for Alex. He had bought it because he felt like he should, since Jonny had inspired him to buy one for DeBrincat, but he truthfully didn’t think he’d actually end up giving it to him, but this moment felt almost as good as any, but before he had a chance to get out of bed he heard the door push open.

“Knock knock!” Marie called out as she entered the room, Chris right behind. Jonny and Pat jumped out of where they were lying in bed, startled by the sudden intrusion, and moved to greet them by the door. Marie took a look between the two of them before considering her next words.

“It’s Christmas Eve, you two aren’t going to stay cooped up in here are you?” she questioned.

Patrick and Jonny shared a questioning look before Jonny spoke up, “Ahh yes? I mean we were gonna eat, but otherwise, yes?” he finished, looking at Patrick for confirmation.

“We saw the town,” Patrick added.

“Ate a Dinky’s,” Jonny tacked on.

“Fed the reindeer.”

“Bought some gifts.”

“Because nothing says, ‘I love you’ like a calendar,” Patrick finished. He’d meant it as a joke, but it didn’t really come out sounding that way.

“But,” Marie argued, “what about the singing competition?”

“Yeah,” Chris spoke up from behind Marie, “look, you guys got one night left, we aren’t gonna let either of you waste it by hanging out in here.”

“I don’t think you want to hear either of us sing,” Jonny said flatly.

Patrick couldn’t help but laugh, “Speak for yourself Tazer, I’m incredible.”

“Patrick, I don’t think you know all the words to the ABC’s, you can’t get up on stage and sing for shit,” Jonny tossed back at him while Patrick rolled his eyes.

Patrick gasped in faux hurt. He turned back towards Marie and Chris, “We’ll think about.”

“Great!” Marie exclaimed, holding two thumbs up, “don’t make us have to come back for you,” she finished before leaving the room and closing the door behind them.

“You seriously want to go?” Jonny asked after they left, he sounded skeptical, but not opposed to the idea.

“I mean yeah, why not? Beats moping around here about our flights. Plus, I hear there’s a trophy on the line, I’m always looking to add more awards to my resume,” Patrick joked, which earned a smile out of Jonny.

“Please, if you steal that trophy from Marie I think we’ll be sleeping in the airport tonight. Actually, no, if you win that trophy in the first place…” Jonny started but couldn’t finish, so distraught by even the idea of Patrick winning a singing competition.

“So you’re down to go?” Patrick asked.

“Sure, why not, right? Plus, if you embarrass yourself on stage I don’t think anybody here knows you, so it probably won’t become an embarrassing story that will fill the league with chirping material for years to come,” Jonny said with a sly smile on his face.

“Don’t you even dare record it, you’re coming on stage with me,” Patrick threatened.

“Not even in your dreams Kaner.”

“Mhmm, we’ll just have to see about that won’t we,” Pat joked before heading back towards the bed to watch the end of the movie. “C’mon,” he said patting the bed, “it’s almost over, let’s watch the end and then get ready.”

Jonny walked over towards the bed and sat down, content to sit next to Patrick watch the end of the movie.

“Do you have anything festive to wear? Or are you just gonna put on a pair of jeans and a nice shirt?” he asked a few minutes later as the credits began to play.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Patrick said with a smirk. “C’mon, go get ready, we’re still gonna have to get something to eat really quick too. Do you still have that pamphlet with the address?”

Jonny grabbed it out of his pocket and held it up in answer. “You think this Christmas Eve is gonna be better than getting drunk on what Seabs bought us and trying to get him to choke on a piece of cookie?” Jonny joked to Patrick over his shoulder.

Patrick just laughed. “I’m not sure man, the bar is set really high with that one, but I’m optimistic,” Patrick said, and he wasn’t even joking. That was honestly one of the best Christmas’s Patrick has ever had. Jonny just made Christmas more fun. Jonny made everything more fun; Christmas, hockey, eating, shopping, flying, wherever Jonny was, Patrick was having fun. And maybe, maybe that was the answer to the question he was looking for earlier.

He tucked that feeling back down, not wanting to deal with it at the moment, no wanting to fully accept the reality of the situation. If that was the case, he could deal with it later.

“Yeah, me too,” he heard Jonny said quietly from behind him.

Fuck. Patrick was so fucked. At least he realized in time to avoid ruining their friendship, but Patrick was starting to feel like this had the chance to ruin him instead.


	9. Chapter 9

“Kaner, you ready yet?” Jonny called through the bathroom door.

Patrick stuck his tongue out in the mirror and tried to concentrate, before pressing play on the video again. He grabbed both ends of the tie and tried to follow what the woman was saying on screen, but it was hopeless, she moved too fast and was a shitty teacher because every time he looked up after he finished his tie was either loose, or in a knot, or strangled him. It was stupid, that’s what it was. Clip on ties shouldn’t be frowned upon, they were practical, they looked fine, and they didn’t take forty thousand tries to put on before they looked acceptable. He was a professional athlete, he could to endorse them. Rejuvenate the industry. Make them cool.

He scrambled to untie the wad of fabric hanging around his neck before kicking the door open.

“Jonny, this tie is broken,” he said in a huff, pulling the tie off from around his neck.

Jonny laughed at him.

“I’m serious! I need to call the place and get a refund or something, it _refuses_ to tie!”

“You’re ridiculous,” Jonny said, getting up off the couch and walking over towards him. “You still don’t know how to tie a tie?” he finished, taking the tie from Pat’s hands.

“Wrong,” Pat started, tilting his neck up to give Jonny more space to work on tying his tie for him. “I know damn well how to tie a tie, I just only tie it once, and then I make sure that when I take it off it stays tied so I can just slide it back up the next time. Work smarter, not harder.”

Jonny just laughed at him again, not even trying to hold it in as he pulled the tie through the neck loop. “Oh yeah Kaner, you’re a genius alright. So, is this just what happens every time you get a new tie, or?” he said sarcastically.

“No,” Patrick retorted pointedly. “Just this time, because, like I said, it’s broken.”

Jonny didn’t say anything in response to that, instead, he just finished pulling it up to a snug fit and rubbed his hands down Pat’s chest and shoulders, flattening out non-existent wrinkles. He stepped back to survey his handiwork.

It felt kind of intense. Patrick fought down the urge to make eye contact or even look at him, still feeling the lingering sensation of Jonny’s touch. It was innocent, just a typical reflex. But it felt different, and maybe that’s what Erica was talking about when she said that Pat didn’t know his own feelings, and now that he was thinking about it, maybe this was a sign. After a second, he had to shut down a budding sensation elsewhere.

 Jonny voice pulled him from his thoughts. “Kaner, you’re ridiculous. Where the fuck did you find this?” he said with a grin, swatting at his tie.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Pat replied with just the right amount of assholeness as he walked over to his bag in lieu of thanking Jonny. “Wish you had one too, huh?”.

“I don’t even know when I would wear it, seems a little egotistical don’t you think?” he responded, side-stepping the question entirely.

“Don’t front, you’re jealous. This tie is the shit. And, it’s not egotisical; it’s funny. It’s all about how you wear it Tazer, you gotta draw attention to it, joke about it. You gotta let people in on the joke, but you’re right, you’d never wear it because it would totally fly in the face of your whole Captain Serious schtick.”

Jonny groaned, which set Patrick off as laughing again. All was right in the world.

“No, but seriously Kaner, where did you find a tie, in ‘Hawks colors, with _KANER_ written down the front?”

 _The same place where you found a New York luggage tag that said it,_ he wanted to say but didn’t. Instead, he reached down into his bag and pulled out a box. Silver wrapping paper with red ribbon, because that’s what Jonny’s had been.

“Same place I found this one,” Patrick said, handing the box out for Jonny.

Jonny looked at him quizzically for a moment, confused, before taking the box and slowing sliding the ribbon off before carefully pulling off the wrapping paper and taking the top off the box, revealing a matching tie, only this one displaying the word _TAZER._

He turned the tie over in his hands a few times, feeling out the stitches that made out the letters. He finally looked back up at Pat, quietly for a second, his face looked confused still, like he was trying to read Pat’s face at same time Patrick was trying to read his.

“You really didn’t have to give me this Pat,” but he made no effort to give the tie back.

“Merry Christmas Tazer,” he said with a smirk, because he felt like had to, before adding. “But like you said, it’s not like a gift I expect to use a lot, if ever, but…” he lingered off and shrugged, casting his eyes around the room. He didn’t want to say too much.

Jonny just tore off his tie in response, tossing it over towards his bag and replaced it with the new one. It didn’t completely match his shirt, but it was close enough, and they were going to a Christmas Eve party at a barn in Montana, wearing a tie in general was probably overdoing it.

“We might as well match, eh?” Jonny said with a grin once he had it tightened to his liking.

Pat really loved Jonny’s smile, which, _fuck_ , he thought, that was definitely not a thought he should be having, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He looked goofy and stupid, but Patrick loved it.

“Good to see yours wasn’t broken,” Patrick joked back, which was met by another laugh from Jonny, before he wrapped an arm around him and started pulling him towards the door, arm still wrapped around Pat’s side, keeping themselves pressed against each other.

“C’mon, I think we’re gonna need to give our taxi a nice tip for waiting for us so long. That is, if he hasn’t left already.”

“Yeah, like you’d be _soooo_ upset if we were forced to walk,” Patrick said elbowing him in the side, lightly, so he didn’t pull away.

“No, but then we’d risk missing you on stage, and we can’t let the people of Charles Peak down like that,” Jonny replied without hesitation.

Their taxi was still waiting for them when they made their way out of the inn, he didn’t look too upset either, just like somebody who was out enjoying their Christmas Eve.

They both climbed into the back seat, and the driver just checked to confirm that they were going to the Christmas Eve Fair party, like it was already a forgone conclusion, before turning the volume up on the radio and letting the Christmas music fill the car. Jonny still hadn’t moved his arm from where it was wrapped around Patrick’s waist, and frankly Pat didn’t care if it was because he forgot, or because he couldn’t with it pressed against the backseat, or if he decided he just didn’t want to, he just wanted Jonny to keep it there.

\---

The drive to the barn wasn’t any more than ten minutes from the inn. White Christmas lights lined the roof of the barn on the outside. With the doors of the barn shut, and with the snow already on the ground and the snowflakes falling, it looked like a scene from a postcard. Or, a calendar.

They paused to take it all in before heading inside.

Marie hadn’t been joking about the whole town showing up for the party; the place was packed. The barn was huge, so there was still more than enough place to move around, but Patrick recognized a lot of people just from walking around the town during the day. It seemed kind of nice, to have something that held to community together like this. For families to make coming here a tradition every Christmas Eve, he almost felt like he was intruding. He scanned the room for a few more seconds, trying to see if he could find Chris and Marie, before he turned his attention back towards Jonny.

Jonny was focused on the band on stage, a string band, playing what Pat assumed was welcoming music before the singing competition thing got started. Jonny looked back at Pat for a second before they both were trying fight back their laughter. It was so absurd. If you had told Pat five days ago that he would be spending Christmas Eve in a barn in Montana with Jonny, listening to a string band, he probably would’ve bet his entire season salary that he wouldn’t be, yet here he was, and actually really enjoying himself.

Jonny managed to get a hold of himself a few seconds later to say the same thing.

“Pat,” Jonny started before getting pulled back into laugher again, “I can’t tell what’s more insane, the fact that we’re here right now, or the fact that I really like that we’re here right now.”

Pat managed to bite down on his bottom lip to overcome another fit of laughter. “I don’t know either man, nobody is ever gonna believe this!”

Jonny looked back at band and around the room, taking it all in and beaming.

“I don’t even think I’d want anybody to know, if I ever came back here the last thing I’d want is to see anybody I knew. Like, this is my place – our place – as friends of Charles Peak. I just want tot take it all in and think back in 20 years and laugh about how much fun we had,” Jonny said, with a touch of fondness and happiness, but completely sincere.

“Does that mean you’re gonna get up on stage with me?” Patrick asked, testing his luck to see if Jonny was in a relaxed enough mood to do that.

Jonny just hummed, like he was thinking it over.

“Seriously?” surprised that he was actually considering it. If he was considering it, then hell, Patrick was going to make it his personal mission to make it happen. Consider it done, Jonathan Toews was doing karaoke.

“Dude, nobody here recognizes us, to them, we’ll just be two drunk dudes singing. Festive and making the yuletide gay, or whatever the words to that song are. C’mon! It’ll be fun,” Patrick said, trying to make his best pitch.

“You just know that you need my help to win that trophy,” Jonny said smirking and laughing, but not saying no.

“Always,” Patrick answered right back. He wasn’t below stroking egos. Plus, Jonny wasn’t completely wrong.

Jonny tried to fight back a grin but failed miserably. “I’m not saying yes, but, if that’s what’s going to happen, then we need to get a drink or two in us.”

“Now there’s the Jonny I know!” Patrick cheered, fist pumping a little, which earned a head shake from Jonny, but a smile too. He smacked him on the shoulder before tilting his head towards the side of the room, “Let’s go find them then, c’mon.”

They made their way across the room, maneuvering around couples – _square dancing?_ – to the music. He still couldn’t wipe the smile off his face, neither could Jonny.

They reached the table with the two-giant bowls of drinks, one which looked like spiked eggnog and one that was cranberry something. With mint or something, maybe? It looked interesting.

“So glad to see you boys made it!” a voice yelled out behind them.

“Marie,” Jonny turned and said hi to her and Chris. “Thank you guys so much for inviting us, it seems like a lot of fun.” Patrick nodded in agreement.

 “Oh, please, you boys are invited every year!” Marie said before Chris picked up where she left off. “If you guys think this is fun,” pointing a thumb behind him in reference to the band, “just you wait until people start singing, it’ll be the best Christmas Eve you’ve ever had.”

“And,” Marie added, stepping forward and grabbing the empty cup out of Patrick’s hand, “I recommend the eggnog. It’s more festive, and, it’s stronger, so you only need one or two to get that liquid courage to do stuff you otherwise wouldn’t,” she said with a sly smile before filling up Patrick’s cup and handing it back to him. “Plus,” Marie said, turning her attention back towards Jonny, grabbing his cup while she was at it, “it’s the healthier option too, doesn’t have that sugar that that other thing has.”

Patrick wasn’t able to suppress his laugher. “Marie, you know exactly how to appeal to him, that was classic, thank you.”

She grinned back at Jonny before patting his arm, Jonny was smiling too as he took a sip of the drink. “I tend to have a good read on people.”

Jonny just nodded back accepting it.

She took a step back and leaned up against Chris again. “I also wanted to say, I love how you guys matched, definitely the best dressed couple,” before she rushed to add, “of guys here! Those ties look great on you two, are they nicknames?” she asked fondly, with a hint of something else, but Patrick couldn’t quite figure out what.

“Uhhh, yeah,” Pat said, confirming with Jonny, “I bought ‘em for Christmas.”

“Figured we might as well wear them out, eh?” Jonny added, looking back over at Pat.

“Well let me get a picture of you two for you! You guys look great, might as well having something to document the night, right? You might not remember it if you have any more of those,” Chris offered, pointing to the eggnog as he finished.

Patrick laughed and shared a look with Jonny, who just shrugged and unlocked his phone and handed it over to Chris, before wrapping and arm around Pat’s shoulder.

He had them shift their angle a little bit to make sure he could get the Christmas tree that was set up in the background of the picture, just in case they wanted to use it as a Christmas card next year. Pat laughed internally at that suggestion, but played along anyway, trying to block out the mental image of the Christmas card he’d probably get from Jonny with Lindsey next year. With the dog too of course, _from: the Toews._ He managed to clear it from his head just long enough to take a few good pictures, plus a funny one where he laid his head on Jonny’s shoulder while Jonny jokingly pulled at his tie. Marie liked that one the best.

They finished up and Jonny offered to take a few pictures of Chris and Marie too, as “Santa” came out onto the stage and announced the beginning of the Christmas karaoke competition.

“Good luck you guys! We’ll be cheering you on,” Patrick called out as Marie and Chris walked over to put their names on the sign-up sheet, waving them off.

The night turned out to be a lot of fun. Most of the people who went up to sing weren’t great, but they definitely made up for it by being entertaining, and every once in a while, you’d get somebody up there who actually had talent and the place would go while. Patrick had almost teared up during somebody’s performance of Halleluiah, which he didn’t really think of as a Christmas song but, whatever.

“Kaner!” Jonny yelled, catching his attention after a choir had performed their rendition of O’ Christmas Tree, that wasn’t that entertaining, but was so good it had essentially put him in a trance.

“Hmm,” Pat said, looking back up at Jonny who had walked away for a few minutes, Pat just assumed it was to go the bathroom.

“We’re up after the next people, be ready,” Jonny whispered in Pat’s ear as he leaned up next to him against the wall.

Patrick’s face lit up, “Are you serious?!” he said, unable to suppress his shock.

“Don’t back out on me now Kaner, I need you up there,” Jonny said bumping his shoulder against Pat’s.

“No, no. Don’t worry about me, I’m ready. Charles Peak is gonna get an inside look at some magic, because it’s _Showtime_ ,” Patrick said, which was met by Jonny’s laugh. “I just thought you were gonna let me forget about it. So, what are we singing?”

“Secret,” Jonny grinned and shrugged, “but trust me, you know it. We’re winning that trophy.”

“Okay, I like the attitude Tazer. Not one of your best pre-game speeches, but it’ll do. I’m gonna tear this barn down with the Kaner shuffle.”

“Oh God,” Jonny laughed out. “Either that or it’ll get us kicked out.”

Patrick just focused his attention back towards the stage and rolled his neck. He didn’t actually expect to win the trophy, but he was getting Jonny to sing with him, so he was going to savor every single second of it.

\---

Patrick realized that, yeah, he did have feelings for Jonny, during their performance of “All I want for Christmas Is You”.

They were on the stage for about two seconds until Patrick realized what song Jonny signed them up for. He felt his jaw go slack and immediately turned to face Jonny who was already facing Pat, displaying a shit eating grin.

“I knew you liked this song!” Pat whispered to Jonny, giving him a playful shove as song started. Jonny just shrugged.

The audience went nuts.

Pat couldn’t blame them either because truthfully, he was shocked that nobody else had performed this song already; Mariah Carey owned Christmas. But that surprised paled in comparison to the fact that Jonny actually knew all the fucking words to a song he had claimed, over the past like, 10 years, to have turned off whenever it came on.

Not only did he know all the words, but he knew the background vocals so that he could honest to God harmonize with Pat’s singing. It was incredible, he felt like he was in a dream, or riding a high, or something, because this wasn’t real life.

And on top of all of that, Jonny wasn’t half bad at singing either, and the crowd got really into it.

He had got them started during the first chorus with the Kaner Shuffle, because the only people who hated it were those that were jealous, and Jonny had kept them doing with a stupid little dance move of his own during the second. It was some type of mix between a shimmy and a side-to-side head bob. He looked like a complete loser, and Pat hated that he found it attractive.

But by far the best part of the performance was the bridge. Pat had kind of blacked out after that part, so he couldn’t honestly say he was sure nothing in the last minute had topped it, but to him, it would’ve been impossible to.

Jonny had started doing some up and down shoulder shake thing and pumping his fists, almost like he was running in place, and Pat decided to copy the ridiculous attempt at dancing while sliding his feet back and forth to close the gap between the two of them until they were side by side. Jonny hit him with this look, and somehow, likely 10 years of playing professional hockey together, Pat was able to pick up what he meant.

The switched off singing for the next two lines, exaggerating their “solos” by pointing at the other and just laughing.

“And everyone is singing,” Pat belted out, holding his mic out to the crowd to have them respond with the _wooooaaahhhhh._

“I hear those sleigh bells ringing!”

Before Jonny wrapped Pat with a hug from behind as they both sang out, “Santa won't you bring me the one I really need? Won't you please bring my baby to me? _Eeee eeee eeeeeeeeeeee_.”

Jonny pressed a kiss to his temple before dancing off and finishing the song. The crowd lost it. It was obviously not anything serious, but Pat couldn’t help from breaking out in a smile as he felt his face flush. He was totally heads over heels for this Canadian dork, but he’d worry about that later, because right now he wanted to enjoy it.

Pat hadn’t had this much fun in a long time, and not just with Jonny, but with anybody. Even hockey hadn’t been as much fun as the last 48 hours had been, and that was saying a lot, because he loved hockey, but he kind of loved Jonny too.

Pat had to sneak outside to catch some air after the excitement of their performance had winded down. The air cooled his sweat and gave him some time to breath.

His mind kept playing over and over, _I love Jonny._ It was almost easy. Easy to accept and easy to feel that way, like now that he knew, he knew. He didn’t need to think about, didn’t have to deny it, it was just what it was. A guy he had played hockey with for 10 years, a guy he had grown up beside, and a guy who had become his best friend, was now also the guy he was in love with. In some ways, it felt like a relief.

He hated feeling angsty about the whole situation at hand, but there was a laundry list of reasons about why he couldn’t tell Jonny about his sudden gay feelings revelation. It was really fair to Jonny, and he didn’t want Jonny to think that he wanted him to break up with Lindsey for him, which, according to Erica, may have been what he was doing.

“Hey,” he heard Jonny call from behind him, shutting the barn door before he walked over and stood next to Pat by the railing.

“Hey,” he said, turning his body so that he faced Jonny a little more. It had stopped snowing while they had been inside, and the moon lit up the town. “Sorry for sneaking out, I was kind of sweating after that, needed some cold air.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” Jonny turned, placing his arms on the railing and leaning against it, looking out towards the road. He looked like he was going to say something else but didn’t. Pat just waited and turn and looked out towards the road too. It was definitely going to be weird going from here back to Chicago.

After a while Jonny spoke up again, kind of tentative, “I’m, uhh… Sorry for kissing you back in there, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Huh,” Pat said, shocked that Jonny had even given it a second thought. “Dude, don’t even worry about it; they loved it,” referring to the crowd. What he didn’t add was _I loved it_ , because he wasn’t a masochist.

“Yeah, but,” Jonny started again, still not facing Pat.

“Seriously, Jonny, don’t worry about it. It was funny, the crowd loved it, and nobody here knows us, so I promise no video or picture is gonna leak if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Jonny scoffed but seemed content with just letting the subject drop.

They feel into a comfortable silence for the next few minutes, listening to the next performer through the walls of the barn.

“It’s so beautiful here,” Jonny said when the singing had quieted down. “I love  
Chicago, but there’s just something about this place. I almost don’t want to leave.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel the same way. When we walked in earlier, I couldn’t help but feeling like I was looking at a picture on a calendar,” Pat said, not skipping a beat.

Jonny let out a breathy laugh. “I can’t believe that I got Lindsey a calendar for Christmas,” Jonny said quietly, flipping his tie as he said it.

Patrick couldn’t help but let out a small laugh too. It was almost comical that he helped Jonny buy a gift for her, he should’ve just let her be ungrateful, so she’d break up with him. But, he knew that even if they did break up, that didn’t mean him and Jonny were going to get together.

“I told you earlier, nothing says ‘I love you’ like a calendar Tazer.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure that giving her a calendar would wash away all of her anger over the fact that I missed Christmas,” Jonny joked back.

“Hey! It’s not just any calendar, it a _Scenes of Montana,_ or Colorado, or whatever. It basically screams romance and love,” Pat added with a smirk. “But she can’t be mad at you for missing Christmas, it’s not your fault the weather basically said, ‘nah fuck you, no flying’.”

“Ehhh, you’d be surprised. But I’m sure your family’s upset that you aren’t gonna be able to make it home either,” Jonny said, glancing back towards Patrick.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m still gonna try to see them, but I was the one who really wanted to go home, so it’s not like they planned anything around me being there. Plus, I think that being stuck here made up for it anyway,” he said nonchalantly.

Jonny turned, giving Pat his full attention. “Why do you say that?”

“I don’t know,” Pat started before correcting himself, “I mean, I guess I do, but. I just wanted to get out Chicago for a few days, give me time to think, away from hockey, or from any of the guys. Just wanted some time to be me, go into the New Year feeling refreshed or whatever.”

“Am I not, ‘one of the guys’ Kaner?” Jonny said with a half laugh.

“Shut up, you’re, you. You don’t count. Plus, we’ve talked like zero hockey since we’ve been here,” Patrick just answered back, elbowing Jonny while he was at it.

He looked down and played with his tie a little bit, rubbing at his hands; thinking. He could tell Jonny. He should tell Jonny, if nothing else because they were friends. His family already knew, or at least Erica did, so it didn’t seem unfair to them if he technically told somebody else first. The longer he waited, the harder it was going to be, and he didn’t want Jonny, or anybody, to feel like he was scared to tell them.

But, he really was. It seemed so final, like once he said it he couldn’t take it back. Not that he thought Jonny would even care, or care in the bad way, but it wasn’t an easy thing to do. He was a peace with it, but it was still kind of raw for him, and he didn’t want it to change anything, even slightly. But then again, if he couldn’t tell Jonny, he felt like he couldn’t tell anybody. He just didn’t want anybody to be concerned about him, he knew Jonny, and he knew Jonny’s mind was going to go straight to hockey, and he didn’t want to think about hockey, or being a gay hockey player. He wasn’t a spokesperson, he was Patrick Kane. And he just wanted to be himself.

“Kaner?” Jonny said, sounding concerned, and shit, he zoned out.

“Huh?” he replied, coming back to the present.

“I asked if you wanted to head back inside, but you were doing that,” Jonny said, gesturing with his hand to the empty spot where Pat had zoned out. “Everything all right?” he asked.

“Yeah, just thinking,” Pat said, still not making eye contact with Jonny.

“About?” he asked, not in a demanding way, but like he was genuinely curious, or even concerned.

Might as well, Pat figured. “If I should tell you that I’m gay or not,” Pat said, pausing to look back at Jonny after he finished before adding, “I decided I should, obviously,” trying to cover up his nervousness, although it was probably all over his face.

Jonny just looked at him, trying to read his face, like he was trying to figure out if he was joking or not. Patrick looked right back at him, trying to see what Jonny was thinking. After thirty seconds or so, Pat spoke up again.

“Tazer, you uhhh, gonna say anything or-”, Jonny cut him off with a hug.

Patrick felt all of the tension he didn’t know he was holding leave his body. He hadn’t realized how nervous he had been about Jonny knowing until after he said it. Jonny pulled back, still leaving his hands on his shoulders, keeping Patrick steady.

“I’m glad you felt like you could tell me Pat,” he said before pulling him back in. “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me sooner.”

Patrick just pulled back and laughed a little bit.

“I mean, it hasn’t been that long. I guess I’ve known for a long time now, but I’ve only really accepted it around the start of the season. Avoiding the conversation kind of seemed like the better idea.”

“Well, it’s a big deal. Not that fact that you’re gay, but that you’re good with it and not just keeping it to yourself, if you want to talk about it…” Patrick just laughed. “Sorry, if I suck at this, or if I’m saying the wrong things. I’m just surprised, is all, and happy for you, I don’t have much practice with this sort of thing.”

“No, you’re doing fine, it’s just, borderline captain speech there Jonny. I think you can save that for later.”

“Do you want tot tell the team?” Jonny’s eyes went big, “because if you want too, I can –”.

“No. Definitely… Not yet, maybe in the offseason or something. But, not now. I appreciate it though, really. You’re the first person I’ve actually told. So…”

“Oh,” Jonny said, expression softening as he tried to keep a smile from showing. “Do you want to walk back to the Inn from here? We can talk about it if you want? Or, not talk about it, if you’d prefer that?”

Patrick smiled a little bit, putting a hand on Jonny’s back and pushed him towards the path the led towards the sidewalk, “C’mon, I know you just want to feel like you’ve been putting enough exercise in by walking, I’ll entertain you. But if I get frostbite or hit by a plow, I’m blaming you.”

Jonny’s eyes just twinkled in the moonlight, the smile he’d been fighting back betraying him by finding it’s way onto his face. “Deal.”

\---

The walk back to the inn with Pat was nice. They talked about it a little bit, letting Pat get anything off his chest that he wanted to. Jonny could tell he was still holding back something, or probably a few things, but he was content to just listen to Pat talk and take what he gave him, not to push for more. It was like the other day, when Pat was upset with him because he kept asking about Amanda, the more Jonny had pushed, the more Pat had pushed away.

Pat was talking about Amanda now though. He kept saying that there wasn’t much to say, but Jonny could tell he was nervous about how people were going to think about their relationship once they found out that Pat wasn’t exactly attracted to women.

“It wasn’t like I was using her,” Pat had confessed solemnly as they made their way down the sidewalk, about half way between the barn and the inn. He kicked a piece of ice that skipped along the bricks, disintegrating into shards in front of them.

“I didn’t know when I started dating her, obviously. And I really liked her, and I thought that I could love her, but I couldn’t, it just didn’t feel right, and I didn’t understand why. But, then I started realizing things, and thinking about stuff I hadn’t before, and then, I did. I felt like I had wasted her time, even though I wasn’t trying to, so I broke up with her. We never talked about marriage, or kids, or anything like that, but for whatever reason, other people thought we did. And I don’t want them to look at me like I’m an ass once they find out, because that’s not what it was,” Pat let out with a shaky breath. He folded his hands up into his sleeves and tried to even out his breath.

Jonny felt the urge to pull him close or grab his hand and just let him know it was going to be fine. But he knew he shouldn’t, it wouldn’t be fair. He could feel his chest heat again, and it had been doing that a lot today, so maybe he shouldn’t give act like it was nothing any more. But right now, he had to be a good friend; he had to be here for Pat.

Jonny shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and bumped Pat with his shoulder after he had been silent for while just to remind him that he was there. After a few more seconds, Pat finished his thought Jonny thought was already finished.

“I tried so hard Jon,” he said, finally looking up back at Jonny, “but I just couldn’t, and even though it had been a long time, I couldn’t do that to her any longer. It still sucked, but I know it was the best thing to do. For the both of us.”

And that, that hit Jonny like the Titanic hit the iceberg. It felt like Pat was talking to him, like he still didn’t believe he loved Lindsey, but he wasn’t, he was talking about him and Amanda. But it felt too similar, and maybe – maybe it was.

They walked back the rest of the way to the inn in relative silence. A few light-hearted comments here and there, but Jonny could tell Pat was still in his own head, and Jonny needed some time to be in his own too.

\---

The walk was a little longer than they both had expected it to be. By the time they got to the walkway that led to the inn, a cab pulled up with Chris and Marie, who were inside the barn partying when they had left.

“There you boys are!” Marie yelled out excitedly as she made her way over to them as Chris paid the driver and wished him a Merry Christmas. “I was worried you guys had snuck out of town before saying goodbye, but I have something for you,” Marie crooned as she opened her purse pulling out a small golden microphone trophy. It was no Stanley Cup, but you wouldn’t have been able to tell that by the look Patrick had on his face.

“Get out of here! Tazer look! We won,” Pat said excitedly, back to the attitude he was used to seeing from him. He took the trophy that Marie handed over to him.

“You boys should’ve seen the look on the Brooks’ face when they announced you two as the winner, it was incredible! It was a Christmas gift come early,” Marie said gleefully. Something told Jonny that not even the fiercest of hockey rivalries could hold a candle to Marie vs. ‘The Brooks’. She continued, “But you guys were far and away the best. I think the kiss is what sealed it though,” Marie finished, winking in Jonny’s direction.

Patrick just laughed as he handed to trophy over to Jonny, who internally groaned. At least winning took some of the embarrassment away. He turned it over a few times in his hand before realizing the plate.

“Pat, did you see this?” he held the trophy up, tilted towards Pat so he could read it.

_Charles Peak 2017 Christmas Eve Karaoke Champions, Kaner and Tazer._

Patrick just thumbed at his tie before looking back up at Jonny. “Guess these are our lucky ties, huh?”

“I’d say so,” Jonny said, looking down at his own tie. It was stupid and lame, but he really liked it. It was like Kaner in that way, so it was no surprise that he was the one who bought it for him.

Jonny held the trophy up and Kaner snapped a few selfies of them with it, just so they had proof of this moment if anybody ever doubted them.

He handed the trophy back over to Marie, who gave him a puzzled look. “Why don’t you hold onto this for us, put it next to your dancing one. Our trophy is your trophy. Plus, this way we’ll have to come back if we want to ever see it again,” Jonny with a laugh. Pat looked over at him with fond look, before turning back and confirming that Marie should take it.

“I’d be honored,” she said with a meaningful smile, before giving them each a hug and heading inside, likely to put the trophy on display.

“Crazy night,” Pat said, kicking at Jonny’s shoes before walking towards the door to the inn. “I can’t believe we won that. I can’t believe you knew all the words to that, I thought you hated that song,” Pat questioned, remembering his initial thoughts.

Jonny just laughed before answering, “I don’t hate that song, I hate that _you_ never stop singing that song. From November first on, it’s _constant_. But,” Jonny relented, “I guess I won’t be able to hate that song anymore, eh?”

“Am I all you want for Christmas, Jonny?” Patrick said with a snicker. “And don’t even think you can go back to hating it now, next year if you even think about changing that song when it comes on, I’ll make sure to tell everybody that you’re a fake! I’m gonna have to add that to my book.”

“Oh please,” Jonny said, giving Pat a shove as the made their way up the stairs. Jonny stopped before Pat got to the door.

“Umm, Tazer,” Pat said once he realized Jonny stopped, “You, uhh, you gonna come in?”

“I’ll be right behind you, just gonna take a minute out here,” Jonny said as he dropped into a chair on the porch.

“Okay,” Pat said kind of hesitantly, before opening the door and heading inside, giving Jonny a questioning look, before closing the door behind him.

The air was cold, which wasn’t any different than it had been since they arrived. But the air was still now, and the moon lit up parts of the town and reflected off the snow, in turn shimmering off the windows behind him. It was peaceful.

Jonny searched the sky, not necessarily looking for anything in particular. The brightness of the moon resulted in a lack of stars, but a few of them were able to shine through. Over the summer he liked to sit out on his back porch with a blanket, and turn his house completely dark so he could search the sky for constellations. He’d turn on some music, usually just one of those stargazing playlists on either Pandora or Spotify, and just search the sky for hours. He used summer to reflect a lot, on hockey especially, but also about life in general. It was hard to do that during the hockey season, with all the games and the guys, plus all the other roles he had to carry out, some happily, some because he had to. But he tried to take as much alone time as possible over those breaks, just to be by himself, without any distraction, just to be himself and think.

He mediates, as his mom refers to it as, in a few different ways. Fishing was one, cooking was another, gardening, swimming, practicing and training, but stargazing was the one way he could do it, without needing to do anything else that was active at all. Just him, either a folding chair or the ground, a blanket, some soft music, and the stars. It centered him, let him put things into perspective.

But tonight there weren’t any stars out, and although it was quiet, not many sounds were out there to be heard in a little town. The town was too small to listen for cars or sirens, but not rural enough to listen for animals, so instead Jonny watched the sky. Every few minutes or so he’d see a blinking red light, probably from a plane or cell tower, and he couldn’t help but think of Rudolph. He missed being home for Christmas; missed having those Christmas’s he had when he was young.

He was 29. 29 was one of those weird ages he felt, one where he could be married and starting a family of his own. One where he could start making Christmas memories with kids of his own. Or it was one where he was starting to look for something like that, one where you knew yourself and your goals and your wants, and you were seriously looking for somebody who you could grow into those things with.

And somehow, he felt closer to being in the second group than the first, even though he was in a relationship of four years. One that was on the brink of becoming forever; one that was firmly in the first group, not the second.

This was why he liked watching the stars. They couldn’t talk back to him, but he could read them, and use them to read himself. Not in an astrology type of way, because, no, not that he thought it was dumb, but, yeah, he kind of did.

But he could look at them like they were a hockey play, he could dissect them and read them and see something in them that wasn’t exactly obvious. And he could do the same to himself, connect his thoughts to how he was feeling. Which, yeah, maybe he did meditate a little bit.

A blanket thumped against his chest, which brought his eyes back from the sky. Chris sat down in the seat beside him, but made no move to talk, he just pulled up a blanket of his own and leaned back to get a view of the sky himself. Maybe it should’ve felt uncomfortable, but Jonny just welcomed it. He pulled the blanket over his legs and chest and went back to searching the sky.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Kaner. He wasn’t stupid, he knew his feelings for Pat were different than his feelings for any of the other guys, or any of his other friends really. He couldn’t even imagine thinking of TJ or Crosby in the same type of way. But his feelings for Pat were different because they had to be. He was teammate, at times a roommate, a nuisance, and a best friend. And, up until about an hour ago, in Jonny’s mind, he was straight.

Jonny didn’t think about himself in those same terms, he liked who he liked and that was that. And truthfully, he didn’t really even look for guys, but then again, most guys weren’t Pat.

Jonny had had a crush on Pat since their rookie year. He knew he didn’t hide it that well, especially since he was around Patrick almost all the time, and the times he wasn’t around Patrick, he was making plans to be around him. At first, he thought it was just a hockey thing, like Jonny was in love with Pat’s hockey skills so much that it clouded the rest of his judgement, but three roadtrips of spending time together in the same hotel room blew that theory to pieces.

He thought that Seabs had figured him out when Jonny had asked if Seabs could invite Pat over for Christmas, but aside from a few weird glances and looks, Seabs had never called him out on it.

He thought that Patrick had figured him out when Jonny gave him the Christmas gift. A gift that was so clearly not a ‘buddies’ gift, one that he couldn’t even stand to see Patrick open because it felt like a declaration of love. It was stupid in hindsight because it wasn’t, but Jonny ran out of his room after giving it to him immediately, so that Pat couldn’t see that way his face had flushed. He vowed to try and forget about it and put it out of his mind forever, and he ended up avoiding Seabs the rest of the night after Patrick left, worried that his face would give away his feelings. And he had done a pretty good job, until he noticed that Pat had actually decided he was going to use Jonny’s gift a few days later. Every single time he saw it, the feelings rushed back, and he had to dip his head to hide the blush. He was so grateful when he thought that Pat had taken it off for good, and he allowed himself to forget about it, until Pat decided to remind him about it again. He wondered if it meant anything that Patrick remembered.

The crush turned to a platonic thing once Jonny really became entrenched in his captain role. It was important to him, and he needed to focus all his energy into that, he didn’t have time for a relationship, much less a pining. He knew he was acting different now, a little bit more on guard, or ‘serious’ as the guys would say, but that’s what he needed to do, he was happy with it.

But them he met Lindsey, and she was amazing. She was stunning, and she had a huge heart. She was social and fun and quick witted. Serious about the things that mattered and rode the wave of things that weren’t. She was everything Jonny wasn’t; she balanced him. And she was great about hockey. Everybody Jonny had ever been slightly interested in balked at the idea of putting hockey first for a good part of the year, but Lindsey relished in it. She knew when to let him focus, when to give him space and when to be on top of him so he didn’t beat himself up too hard. She knew how serious he took his role and never made him feel guilty about it. Or at least, most of the time she did. And she waited for him, she’s waited for him for four years, and she’d probably wait another four. She deserved everything that Jonny could give her and then some. And he loved her. He just, wasn’t so sure they were meant to be together anymore, because maybe he could love somebody else more.

He rubbed his hands over his face and let out a sigh, suddenly remembering that Chris was there.

“Everything okay Jonny?” Chris asked.

Jonny let out another sigh, trying to figure out how to answer him, before responding with, “Just thinking,” before looking back into the night.

He could feel Chris’s eyes on him, telling him to continue. After a few moments, he did.

“How do you know if somebody’s right for you?”

It wasn’t a question Jonny ever wanted to hear himself ask out loud, much less completely sober, to a man he barely even knew, but at the same time, maybe that made it easier.

Chris was quiet. For a second Jonny thought that maybe he hadn’t heard him, before he spoke up, carefully sidestepping the question and going straight to the heart of the issue.

“That guy in there has you thinking, doesn’t he?” Chris stated, not leaving it as a question. He didn’t sound judgmental, just genuine.

Jonny hummed in confirmation.

“But you got a girlfriend, right?”

Jonny just hummed again, because yeah, he did.

“How long?”

“Four years,” Jonny answered, repositioning the blanket to give himself something to do with his hands. “And it’s just… My job is pretty demanding, and she’s been great about it, letting me put it first a lot. And I love her, and the right thing to do would be to marry her, I have a ring. It’s just that…” Jonny lingered off, but Chris picked up right where Jonny left off.

“It’s just that he’s got you wondering.”

“Yeah,” Jonny said quietly, resigned to it.

“Just think about something Jonny, from an old guy who’s made a lot of mistakes. Doing the right thing is honorable, and being loyal, is important. But neither of those things are the same thing as love. Don’t make the mistake of not listening to your heart because you don’t think it’s the right thing to do.”

Jonny just looked over at him, and for the first time felt resigned to what he was going to have to do. It didn’t make it feel any easier though.

Jonny just nodded in agreement.

“And Jonny,” Chris continued, getting Jonny to look over at Chris again, “trust me when I say that I think it’s all going to work out for you. There’s just something about you two, and I think everyone else feels it too. You owe it to yourself to at least try.”

Jonny just nodded in appreciation, thanking Chris as he got up to head back inside. Jonny pulled his blanket up a little higher to shield himself from the cold and looked back at the stars. He knew what he was looking for now, he just had to figure out how to get there.

\---

Pat closed the door to the inn behind him. He took a step towards the stairs before slowly turning and making his way towards the side room.

The karaoke machine remained seated in the corner, in the same spot where Jonny had placed it that morning. Pat focused his attention towards the window, taking the lights of the mountain. For the most part it was brought to life by the lights that lined the ski trails, but the light reflecting off the moon lit up parts of the other peaks as well. It was hard to believe it was the same mountain Jonny had showed him this morning, before the day had really even begun. It was still just as beautiful, but in the darkness, it had another dimension to it, the contrast of the light and dark landscapes let him appreciate what he was looking at. Somehow, it felt more full, more pronounced, more real, not just something he’d get from looking at one picture.

Patrick sighed and made his was over to fall into the couch. He told himself he was going to dwell on it, that there was no use. He wasn’t going to pine because the faster he accepted it, the faster he could move on, but then tonight happened, and he wanted to hope and imagine a future. A future he didn’t realize he even wanted until today. But he couldn’t do that because it wasn’t fair to Jonny when Jonny couldn’t feel the same way or imagine the same things, and it wasn’t fair to himself either. He just had to get though this trip. Just get through this trip and he’d be fine, then he’d have hockey to focus on and the offseason to forget about it.

“Chris!” Pat heard Marie call from the hallway. Patrick peaked his head up just in time to see Chris reach the door with a couple of blankets. “You better bring those back in with you. And I don’t want them all dirty!” Marie called out as Chris laughed and snuck out the door. All he could do was smile and shake his head, they kind of reminded him of his own parents.

“Men!” Marie said as she reached the entrance way of the room, putting her hands on her hips for dramatic effect, “it doesn’t matter how long you’ve loved them, they’ll still find new ways to piss you off.”

Patrick howled with laughter.

“I’m serious,” Marie said smiling, making her way over towards the couch, sitting next to Patrick. “But I guess that’s how you know it’s real.”

All Pat could do was smile and nod, thinking over what she said in relation to him and Jonny. He ducked his head away, hoping to hide what he was thinking.

“Oh no,” Marie said soothingly, “I said something I shouldn’t have, didn’t I?”

“What? No, I’m all set,” Patrick replied, trying to look earnest.

“Your eyes say otherwise,” Marie replied, without any heat to it, instead making it seem like it was just an observation.

“Yeah?” he asked, smiling at Marie. “I guess they do, don’t they?” he answered, picking at the hem on his pants, refusing to meet her gaze.

Marie just hummed while placing her hand on Patrick’s back rubbing a small circle.

“You seem surprised by that.”

“Maybe a little bit, but,” Patrick said, bringing his eyes back up to have this conversation. It was felt easy, almost like he was talking to his mom. “But also a surprise that I know the ending to,” he finished.

“How about you tell me how you think it’s gonna go, and then I’ll tell you my perspective on it? Hmmm?” Marie said, sliding back on the couch and turning, committed to having this conversation.

“He has a girlfriend. Of four years,” Patrick started, might as well play the trump card first, because really, nothing else mattered if that was the case. He wasn’t going to drop Lindsey for Patrick, and he wasn’t suddenly going to be interested in Patrick, or men in general, if he was in a long relationship with a woman. It just wasn’t realistic, he had to keep telling himself that until he got it through his brain.

“So?” Marie retorted, “Is that it? I’m sure you’ve had some girlfriends of your own, haven’t you?”

And, okay, yes, Patrick had had girlfriends in the past, but that was beside the point, because he didn’t have one now. He never had one he was thinking of proposing too.

“Well, yeah, but he talks about proposing to her.”

“Saying and doing are two different things though, aren’t they?” Marie said, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Well yeah, again, but he’s like looking at rings. And even if he wasn’t, there’s our job…” Pat said lingering out, not wanting to add any more to that subject.

And that was an issue too, because even if the Jonny having a girlfriend part wasn’t in the way, there was still hockey, and hockey was unrelenting in regard to a lot of stuff in both of their lives, Pat made no qualms in regard to Jonny putting Pat ahead of it. And even if he did, there was the media, who would latch onto the story of having one gay player, not to mention a star player, or star players who happened to also be in a relationship. Star players who happened to be in a relationship and also were on the same team. Even with all the progress the NHL made in that area, Patrick wasn’t going to lie to himself about how difficult that would be.

Marie just nodded like she understood, even though he knew there was no way she could.

“Is that all though?” she asked, still not relenting.

“I mean, this might have been covered under the first hurdle, but he’s not interested in me like that,” Patrick said, trying to sound sure of himself.

“Don’t make that decision for him though, don’t decide for yourself because you’re scared of getting hurt, trust me on that. It sounds cheesy but it’s true, don’t let yourself wonder what if, you got me?”

Patrick just nodded. He recognized the look, he had seen it on his mom a lot, or on his coaches, or ironically, on Jonny. It was a look that he couldn’t say no too, but he didn’t want to lie and say yes, because he couldn’t. It just wasn’t a risk he could afford to take.

“So, you got anything else, or is that it?” Marie asked again, lighter, like she knew she was going to blow Patrick’s reasoning out of the water.

“Yeah,” Pat sighed. It felt hopeless. He knew she was just trying to help, but she didn’t understand. She couldn’t understand. It sucked, because he really wanted her to, he really wanted to hear that it would work out, that it could. That she knew something Patrick didn’t, or that she saw something between them that he didn’t, but he knew it was useless. That whatever she would say wouldn’t be with all the information, and if she knew everything, she’d just feel bad for him and give him a hug. She’d know there wasn’t anything that could happen between them. “That’s it,” he finished, looking to Marie and letting her take over.

Marie shifted in her seat again, trying to look Patrick in the eyes. “Do you know how long Chris and I have been married?”

Patrick just shook his head no.

“35 years. Happily, for most of them, but it hasn’t always been that way.”

“Why?” he heard himself asking. Even if whatever she had to say wasn’t going to help him, the least he could do was be interested in what she was saying.

She settled back and gave him a small, knowing smile. “We both worked a lot. High end, high stress jobs. We didn’t really get to see each other all that much. And when we did, we either still carrying that extra baggage around from our day or we were going to sleep. We needed a change. So, for our 8th anniversary we took a trip, to a place not unlike this, and we remembered why we loved the other. We had so much fun rediscovering who the other person was and seeing each other for who they really were, away from all the distractions. So, when we got back home, we quit, and we took a risk and bought this inn, and we haven’t looked back since.”

It was a beautiful story, he knew that there were a lot out there similar to it, but very few who actually took the leap of faith that they had. It made it special. He could also see the point she was trying to make, that him and Jonny had come to this place away from their lives and just in this short period of time, they realized how they felt about each other. Except, he didn’t think that Jonny had realized anything, it was just Pat who had.

“That’s incredible Marie, really it is, but –”

“Patrick,” Marie started, cutting him off with a pointed look. “Do you know where we lived before moving here?”

He just shook his head again, because how was he supposed to know that. She knew he didn’t know that.

“Chicago. For 32 years. I was born, bred, and worked in Chicago. Not in no suburb either, I was _in_ the city,” Marie said, using a tone that meant she had more to say. Patrick just waited, unable to think of anything to say that might not give himself away.

“The last time we went back there was 2010. It was June.”

And, _oh_. Patrick could hear the words she was going to say before the sounds even left her mouth.

“There was a parade. They have a hockey team out there, I’m sure you’ve heard of them,” Marie said teasingly, a smile breaking out onto her face. Patrick couldn’t help but feel one too just thinking of the memory.

“Anyway, I had been a fan my entire life, Chris, not so much, but when you guys won and brought the Cup back home, Chris and I just had to go. And Patrick, even on that day, some 7 and a half years ago, we noticed something. That boy out there looked at you like you looked at the Cup. And it wasn’t just once, it was all day. We could see it from the crowds Pat. And it wasn’t just because he was happy you guys had won it, but it was because he was finally able to let his guard down. I think he cared more about you than the Cup. I know you don’t believe me, because you don’t want to let yourself get hurt, or be embarrassed, or lose out on what you do have, but way he looked at you at that was the same way Chris and I looked at each other all those years ago. And, it was the same way he looked at you last night. Same way he looked at you this morning, and same way he looked at you earlier tonight while you guys were on stage. He just needs to be able to let his guard down to let himself see it.”

Patrick was really taken aback by it. Because, _she knew them_. She’d known them the whole time, and hadn’t said anything, but now she was, and she sounded sincere, and honest, and hopeful. She really believed what she was saying, and, it made Patrick want to believe it too.

“Why didn’t you say anything about knowing us before?” he asked. He knew it wasn’t what he should be focusing on, but he had to know.

Marie just laughed. “There’s a few reasons. One, you guys didn’t want to be here, so it was the least I could do to pretend that I didn’t and not make your Christmas uncomfortable. Two, we’re in Montana, nobody cares about hockey here, so I knew that nobody else in this entire town was going to know who you boys were. Which leads me to three, which is that I knew you guys needed to get away from everything, all the distractions, the pressure, just to be yourselves. And I saw the way he looked at you after you left the room last night to get more pillows. He needed to let his guard down, and you did too,” she said pointing at him. “It wasn’t my place to get in the way of that.”

“Thank you, Marie, for everything, really. You’ve been such a gift,” he said standing up to hug her. “I’ll make sure we send you something nice –”

“Patrick Kane,” Marie said seriously, pulling back from the hug to look him right in the face. “I don’t need anything, really, that trophy you gave me tonight was more than enough,” she said with a laugh, “but, you need to let yourself take this risk. Tell that boy how you feel, give him a chance to surprise you, please. I know it’s scary, and I know playing professional hockey makes it tough, but don’t let yourself wonder ‘what if’. And,” Marie finished, tone changing to a lighter one, “Everything we just said stays in this room, but know that you’ve always got a home at Charles Peak whenever you want to get away,” Marie finished, wrapping him into a hug.

And Patrick didn’t care what she said, he was sending her a gift. A nice one too.

He said goodnight to her as he made his way towards the bedroom. He didn’t think that Jonny had come inside yet, but that didn’t matter, because he was going to take all the time he had to steel his nerves before he told Jonny that he loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a chapter or two left in this story, thank you to everybody has left some type of feedback by comments or kudos. I try to respond if I feel that I can without giving too much of what I have planned away.
> 
> This chapter is long, so I hope it makes up for the long wait it took to put out!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)


	10. Chapter 10

Patrick paced the room practicing what he was going to say to Jonny for what seemed like hours. He didn’t really know how to exactly start a potentially life-changing conversation, regardless of feelings being reciprocated or not, but he made sure to include the “ _I’m not expecting you to feel the same way, but I had to get it off my chest_ ” type of line in one fashion or another.

The issue he was having, aside from being terrified, was the fact that he had hope, hope that Jonny would feel the same way, despite evidence to the contrary. Hope that feelings would be reciprocated. And having hope meant that he could be let down, so he kept trying to force himself to not expect anything, but that sliver of hope was too tough to shake.

It was like being down by a goal in a game with less than ten seconds left, and realistically he was able to recognize that the odds were slim, but the voice in his head that would whisper _we pulled the goalie, we have a man advantage with a faceoff in their zone_ was there and all Patrick could picture was the puck buried in the back of the net. It was a forgone conclusion. Most of the time, it wouldn’t happen that way, but when it did happen, it only made the hope stronger the next time they were in that situation. Hope was stronger than fear, and if you play hockey scared, you play some shitty hockey, but, if you live life in fear you silently miss opportunities you wanted to take.

Hope of making it to the NHL was what fueled Pat when he was scared to leave his family to play junior hockey. Hope was what overcame fear in overtime to help the Hawks win the cup in 2010. But, it was also that same hope that had handed him emotionally crushing blows in both Vancouver and Sochi. Hope could be dangerous and manipulative and soul-crushing, but fear was already all those things disguised as safety and self-preservation. So, as terrified as Patrick was, he was more hopeful. He wasn’t going to make the decision for Jonny, so he practiced what he was going to say so that when he approached Jonny he wasn’t going to default to a stuttering idiot and try to back out. Say what you want about Patrick Kane, but he wasn’t a coward.

He saw his phone light up from where it was place on the bedside table, which broke concentration from his current version of the monologue he’d been practicing for Jonny. He pressed the home button on the phone to light it up again once he grabbed it and sat down on the bed. It was only just past 10:15, which meant that he’d probably only been wandering the room trying to steel his nerves for twenty minutes, tops. The text, or string of texts, were from Erica.

_Idk if you’re still planning on coming home or what but I got you a flight_

_It leaves in like two hours, direct to Buffalo_ – which was followed by the emoji of the girl holding out her hand, Erica’s favorite.

_Here’s the flight info, if you don’t want it you should cancel it but if you’re taking it let me know ASAP and I’ll pick you up at the airport_

_(also, if youre gonna take it, sleep on the plane, and im using it as my Christmas present to mom and dad so don’t tell them)_

He locked his phone without responding and put it back on the table and plugged it in to charge. There was no reason to really delay any longer, so he went out to go find Jonny.

\---

“Jon?” Patrick said stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket, half to brace himself against the cold, half to give his hands something to do.

“Hm?” Jonny hummed, taking his eyes off the sky, and turning his head towards where Pat was standing.

“You look comfy,” eyes motioning towards the blanket sprawled out over his lower torso and legs. “Kinda looked like you were asleep,” he said with a half laugh just to fill the silence as he slumped down into the chair next to Jonny.

Things were silent for a few moments. Jonny directed his gaze back towards the sky and Patrick tried to comfortably position himself in the wooden chair, before allowing himself to lean back and follow Jonny’s eyes towards the stars.

Jonny got a lot of chirps directed his way over not really having emotions, or at least, never really showing them. Even Pat would fuck with him from time to time by calling out his default setting of being emotionally stunted, but it wasn’t the truth. Jonny was caught up in his emotions a lot of the time, but he didn’t often show them because he needed to take the time to process them. It’s why he had a garden on his roof, why he liked to fish a lot in the summer, and why he liked to listen to Pat talk endlessly after tough games when they used to room together on the road. He liked to give himself time to think and process but keep his mind busy at the same time. The reason he came across that way was because once he figured them out for himself he accepted them and then tried to develop some type of plan on how to deal with them internally. Pat was very much the opposite, about most things anyway.

Patrick doesn’t like silence, whether it’s comfortable or uncomfortable. He used to drive Jonny crazy back when they roomed together because he’d need there to be talking, or music, or the tv, or the hum of the heater. Just something. He’d move all around the room, not able to sit still, just to make noise and keep himself preoccupied. After so long Jonny would snap and tell him _Kaner, stop fucking moving_ or just glare at him. Sometimes he’d pull Patrick down onto the bed and they’d watch a movie, shoulders pressed up against one another, backs against the headboards in silence, and sometimes Jonny would cave and allow for Pat to just talk at him and the longer it went on, the more Jonny would settle into a conversation with him. Over the course of the ten years they’d known each other, became friends with one another, Pat had become more comfortable with the content silence between the two and Jonny was easier to slide into conversation.

Right now, Pat was okay with the silence. It was familiar, and if what he was going to say was going to screw everything up, he wanted to enjoy the silence before silence became uncomfortable. But of course, now that Patrick was okay with the silence, Jonny wanted to speak.

“My mom tells me I’m meditating when I do this,” Jonny says, not breaking eye contact with the stars. Patrick just hummed in return.

“And it’s not that she’s wrong, I guess, but, I don’t know. I just like to think while looking up there, it’s different than looking across the rink, or the lake, it’s endless up there. Stars are like, literal light years away, and there’s meteors and planets and all this stuff we can’t see. It just, it makes you feel small, you know? And it’s good, ‘cause it gives you a chance to really put yourself and everything into perspective,” he finished, finally turning his head to look at Pat for a moment, before looking back towards the sky.

Pat knew exactly what Jonny was saying, he got it too. It was one of the few things he enjoyed doing alone, not that he didn’t like doing it with people, but it felt almost too personal to invite somebody to stargaze with him, so he usually did it alone. But what it boiled down to at the moment was that Jonny was thinking, and he was inviting Pat into his space by talking, so Pat knew his job was just to listen until Jonny asked him to talk, and eventually, he did.

“This might sound stupid, but do you think we knew the people we know in this life in another life? Or do you think we’re only here once?”

And, of course. Leave it to Jonny to get existential. The most outwardly unemotional people Pat knew, was now questioning their existence. Patrick had to fight back a laugh when he realized how true to form Jonny was being. He never did anything less than 100%, and sometimes it pissed Pat off, but he would be a boldface liar if he pretended like he didn’t love him for it, because Pat was the same way.   

Pat cracked a smile, feeling it warm up his entire face against the cold. “I don’t know Jonny, but I’d like to think that the people we’ve connected with here, have been there for us if we’ve been here before.”

Jonny let out a breath before responding. “Yeah, I’d like to think that too.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the stars and letting the world turn. Now it was Pat’s turn to break the silence. He leaned over and gave Jonny a little shove to get his attention.

“See Tazer, now you’ve got me feeling all sentimental you little shit,” he said turning towards Jonny with a smile.

Jonny flashed a tender look at Patrick too, before returning a longing look at the stars. “Sorry, I’m just a little stuck in my head. You know me, it’s just like…” he tailed off, still not looking at Pat, maybe a little bit more deliberately this time. “Say we have multiple lives; We’re hockey players in this one, maybe in the past we were baseball players,” Pat interrupted with a scoff, “Fine, teachers. Or waiters, maybe we were just neighbors. Maybe we were just childhood friends, and not even just us, like were your sisters your sisters in you past life, or something else? Maybe Seabs was like my brother or something,” Patrick interrupted, because he couldn’t help it.

“Maybe Crosby was your husband,” Pat said with a smirk and a laugh.

That got Jonny to look at him, or more accurately, glare, but Pat could see the crinkle around his eyes indicating that he was fighting back a laugh. “Shut it, Kaner.”

“I’m just saying,” Pat said, raising his hands in innocence, “You two could’ve been farmers, shepherding animals with your matching Canadian unamused glares!”

Now it was Jonny’s turn to scoff as he shifted his attention back towards the sky.

“I know I sound ridiculous Kaner, trust me, I’m fully aware…”

“Jon,” Pat said sincerely, not trying to sound too much of anything, “You don’t, I promise you. I think about this stuff too, I’m sure everyone does at one point or another. I could talk to you about this all night, seriously. And not just this, anything you wanted too because that’s what we do, that’s what we’ve done for like ten years now. I just want to know why you’re thinking about this right now?”

Jonny was quiet for a moment before dropping his line of sight from the sky to the man sitting next to him. He felt lost, but he couldn’t tell Patrick why. He knew what he wanted to do. He kind of had always known if he was being honest with himself, like knowing was as engrained in him as skating. But that’s exactly what this was like, he knew how to skate, he knew how to win faceoffs, he knew how to read the goalies body; he knew hockey. And he knew Patrick Kane. Every part about him. And he knew he wanted Pat like he wanted a Stanley Cup, but you don’t just get the Stanley Cup because you want it.

And even though he wants Kaner, because for whatever reason his taste has betrayed him to want some over the top, goofy, curly haired, hockey playing American shit head, that didn’t mean Kaner wanted him. And even if he did, it wasn’t that simple, and he knew that. And there was still Lindsey, although she was becoming less and less of a factor. But there was also a lot of life left to live, and how he knew he wanted to spend it, and it was starting to seem like he had less and less of a say in who that was with. He just didn’t know which direction the world was trying to push him in.

He turned back to answer Pat’s question. “It just that it’s Christmas Eve, and Christmas is more fun when you believe in the magic of Santa. I think I just want to believe in a little bit of magic from the Earth right now.”

Pat just nodded his head in return. He got what he was saying. The two sat there, eyes mostly off of the sky but not on each other, just listening to the night and being close to one another. Eventually Patrick got up, placed his hand on one of Jonny shoulders and gave it a shake. “I’ll catch you upstairs, I know you probably will anyway, but don’t stress too much about it man. You’re good. You say it yourself, trust what you’re doing, trust what they guys around you are doing, and everything will work out.”

Jonny tilted his head to look up with Pat. “That’s about hockey though.”

Pat shrugged, “No reason why it can’t also be true about life though, right?”

 Jonny just scratched at his cheek, cold from the air. “I guess so, thanks Kaner.”

Pat was already headed towards the door and just threw up his hand as if to say, _no problem Tazer,_ before he snuck back inside and headed up the stairs.

\---

Pat was collecting his stuff when he saw it. Just putting his stuff together next to the couch to keep his mind preoccupied, so that if he decided he needed to catch the plane tonight, he’d be ready, and if he was going to wait till whenever, well, at least he was prepared.

It happened while grabbing his suit jacket off of the back of the couch. Jonny’s jacket fell and hit the floor, no big deal, expect for the fact that it hit with a thud. Instinctively, Patrick checked the pockets to make sure nothing had broken, and that’s when he felt it. Small, square, smooth and felt-like to the touch. He pulled it out in a daze and confirmed his suspicions. A ring box.

He opened it up on auto drive. It was the same ring from the store they had been too that afternoon. God, that felt like forever ago. But, Jonny had bought it. He bought the ring.

Patrick dropped to the couch, head still swirling. It was like in that moment all his hope had faded away. Jonny was stressing about proposing, that’s what it was. How could he be so _stupid._ He had thought that maybe, maybe he was right to hope. But how could he be, there was a ring, literally right in front of him. He was holding it, and it wasn’t for him. And what was he _doing_?

He put the ring down on the table, box open, next to Jonny’s phone. He wasn’t trying to do anything by doing that, other than to show Jonny that he knew. He felt stupid. He felt hurt. But he couldn’t blame Jonny, it wasn’t his fault, it was his own. Hopes.

He grabbed his phone and fired off a text back to Erica, and then got an uber. He collected his stuff and said a silent goodbye to the inn that had been home for the past 24 hours. Just like Chicago had felt like home for the past ten years. But right now, he just needed to go _home_. He needed to go back to Buffalo, at least for Christmas.

\---

“Kaner!” Jonny called out as he walked into the suite.

He blew a breath into his hands, still cold from the December night air. He had been outside for a while, looking at the stars until they seemed closer, trying to collect his thoughts and put himself in the proper mindset. He loved Pat. He knew he did. Figuring that out was easy, it was the rest of it that was hard.

Jonny knew he was in a weird headspace while looking at the stars, which is why he usually preferred to do it alone. He knew he could tell Pat he was _just thinking_ without Pat responding with _about?_ And, he definitely couldn’t just ask something like _do you think we were together in a hypothetical another life,_ so it was just easier to ask surface level questions to what he was really thinking. He liked talking to Pat; he liked being with Pat. He didn’t want to be silent and have him think he wasn’t wanted, and he valued what Patrick had to say, about everything. But he wasn’t ready to put himself out there yet, not without running all scenarios, that wasn’t who he was. He had to work out all the variables at play between being a professional hockey player, between being the captain, a ten-year friendship, Lindsey, and, arguably most important, how Pat would react. It took a while, but he was ready to do what he wanted to do. And what he wanted was Patrick, and he knew he wanted Pat with every part of himself, so if Pat didn’t want him back, and things were going to be weird, well then, at least Jonny knew he’d never think of what he did as a mistake or a regret, but he couldn’t say that same thing if he just proposed to Lindsey like he felt like he should.

“Patrick! You in here? Kaner?” He called out again with a little more urgency. The room felt empty. The bed was made, and a blanket was folded over the back of the couch. Jonny’s suitcase remained packed and placed in the corner of the room by the door. Patrick’s stuff was nowhere to be found.

He grabbed his jacket off the floor in a rush and felt the pockets searching for his phone. He felt an overwhelming feeling of doubt setting in, but what he was doubting he wasn’t sure. All he knew is that Pat wasn’t here, and neither was his stuff, it didn’t take a genius to see the correlation.

He didn’t see it until after he had already started calling Pat’s phone.

The ring box was sitting right there on the table, open and on display. It was looking right back at Jonny and it took every fiber of his being to not grab it and throw it as hard as he could across the room.

Jonny ended the call once it reached Pat’s voicemail. He was pissed; he couldn’t leave a message he’d regret later. He was mad at himself for buying the stupid thing in the first place, mad at Pat for finding it, and even more mad at Pat for leaving without even so much as a _See ya man, Merry Christmas_. What a little shit. Not even a text?! Well fuck him, if he was trying to make some grand escape to the airport to avoid talking about apparent feelings, based on the dramatic placement of the ring, well then Jonny was just going to go to the airport and talk about his.

Marie was seated on the couch in the living area, seated across from the view he had shown Pat that morning, when he found her after half walking, half running down the entire staircase.

“Marie,” Jonny breathed out in a voice that was something between demanding and surprised. Her expression visibly changed as she got up off the couch and strode into the lobby where Jonny was standing.

“Jonathan! I was hoping you’d come down,” Marie said with a tone of cautious optimism.

“Were you down here when Patrick left?” Jonny asked, overlooking his typical pleasantries.

“Yes, I was,” she started, face breaking into something more somber for the first time. “I hadn’t realized he was leaving until he got into the car. I would’ve tried to have held him up, at least said a proper goodbye,” she looked back at him with a look that seemed more apologetic than sad.

“How long ago?”

She thought for a moment before answering, “Well, not long enough for the plane to have been able to have taken off yet,” she paused again, walking towards her bedroom door. “Chris! Get the truck! We’ve got a flight to make!” she smiled back at Jon before yelling at him to go get his stuff.

\---

The flight to Pittsburgh had been rescheduled and was set to arrive at 5 am on Christmas morning, which, wasn’t ideal. An hour ago, he hadn’t even seen the text, and he wasn’t really planning on leaving regardless. He didn’t know what Pat was thinking, doubt snuck into his head thinking that he was in a rush to leave just to get back and see his family rather than running from Jonny, but he couldn’t forget the ring. Patrick had definitely put it there before he left, and he hoped he knew why. But he needed to talk to him.

Jonny texted Pat three times on their way to the airport. The first, a straightforward, emotion concealing: _you could’ve at least said goodbye first_ which let Jonny get his frustration out before realizing that it seemed a little cold. In an attempt to counter the coldness of the first text, he downloaded a picture of Ross from FRIENDS, because Pat was obsessed with it, and sent it with the caption: _Don’t get on the plane_. And a few minutes later, after getting no response, he sent a one that was border lining on heartfelt, at least over text: _Patrick, please, don’t get on the plane until I get there. Wait for me, please._

Chris dropped him off at the front door and said something to Jonny that he wasn’t able to process because all his brain was thinking was how he was going to find Patrick.

He figured Pat was already in the boarding section, so he raced to print out his ticket, which was where he ran into him.

“Pat?!”

“Jonny?” Pat said, looking as shocked as Jonny felt.

“You left without saying anything,” Jonny said, pretty much because it was all that he could say to him apparently.

“Yeah… It was just,” Pat started and stopped, trying to come up with the correct word. “Easier. I need to get home for Christmas, and you have to get to Pittsburgh to be with Lindsey,” he said, clearly not meaning the words he was saying, but trying to own them as the truth. He finished with, “It felt like the right thing to do, you know? Congrats by the way, really, I saw the ring.”

 _It felt like the right thing to do_. That’s what he had said, and Jonny had to fight back a bitter laugh upon hearing it, because he had been saying the same thing for the past 24-hours, hell, the past month, regarding him and Lindsey. Except, now it didn’t really feel that way anymore. Not when Pat was right there.

The overhead speaker sounded to break the silence.

 _Flight number 19 to Buffalo is now boarding_.

Patrick shuffled in his spot. “Tazer, I gotta go, I can’t miss this,” he said nodding in the direction of the planes.

Jonny closed the space between the two of them and wrapped Pat up into a hug. A real hug, not a “bro hug” or a quick parting one, but one that conveyed “I’m sorry” and “I love you”. Pat hugged back just as hard.

“I’m sorry,” Jonny said, once before letting go and once after parting. He couldn’t say all that he wanted too, this wasn’t the time for it, and he couldn’t do it to him right now. Maybe he was feeling a little scared as well, but one look into Patrick’s eyes showed the hurt he was feeling, and he couldn’t try and make it better now, not like this. He just settled for, “Have a Merry Christmas Kaner, enjoy your family. We’ll see each other when we get back?” he asked genuinely, wanting Pat to confirm.

“For sure,” Pat nodded, “Yeah, that’ll be… That’ll be good. You have a Merry Christmas too, and just… Congrats Jon, you’ll make a great husband, she’s really lucky.”

Jonny just stood there, feeling like a helpless idiot, as Patrick got his stuff and heading towards boarding, the last 24 hours slowly shifting from the present to a memory. It couldn’t end like this. It took lesson than ten seconds for Jonny to make his way towards the help desk after Patrick was out of his vision.

“Hi, is there any chance you could put me on the next flight to Buffalo? As quickly as possible please.” Jonny stated. He phrased it like a question, but his tone said it like it command. Sometimes he was glad to have the Captain persona make its way out of him.

Jonny felt a hand grab his shoulder. “Hey,” it said, getting Jonny to jump a little and force him twist around to see Chris.

“Chris! Hey, sorry, you scared me. I thought you were gonna be a… doesn’t matter I guess,” Jonny stammered before finding his voice. “I thought you had left?”

Chris just smiled. “And potentially leave you stranded here? No sir,” he said as he pulled Jonny to the side. “But what’s this about going to Buffalo? What happened to Pittsburgh?”

“Patrick’s going home, so, that’s Buffalo,” Jonny answered.

“Okay,” Chris started, “I get that. But what about you, home for you isn’t Buffalo, is it?”

“No, but neither is Pittsburgh, and I have to talk to him. I don’t want to wait,” Jonny answered.

Chris just nodded solemnly, “I get that, but, what are you going to say?”

Jonny just stood silently. He still wasn’t 100% sure. He knew what he wanted – Patrick – but that was the easiest part. He didn’t know what exactly to say to make Patrick want him back.

“Look, Jonny. I know you want that boy, I can see it in your eyes. I know you do, but you need to show him that too. You can’t just follow him home. There are things you need to take care of in Pittsburgh and there’s things he’s got to take care of in Buffalo. Just trust me, let those things happen. Those things are important, and those things need to happen. Show him how bad you want him by giving him the space he needs to handle his business, and by doing the right thing. By you, by him, by _her_. You know what I mean, right?” Chris paused, asking Jonny.

“Yeah, I do,” Jonny answered, before scraping the bottom of his feet against the floor absentmindedly while thinking about the next few days.

“He’s not going to change the way he feels about you Jonny, don’t think that anything that could happen before you see him again would change that.”

“No, I know,” Jonny responded with more confidence than he actually felt. “It’s just a weird feeling, that’s all. Knowing that your best friend loves you back, but not being able to tell him that I love him too.”

Chris smiled and grabbed Jonny’s shoulder to give playful shake. “He knows, he just doesn’t want to believe it yet. If I was a betting man, I bet that’s why he felt so hurt when he saw that ring. But you know what to do, go to Pittsburgh, enjoy your Christmas, and then talk to her. Be honest with her, but you’re a good guy, you know how to handle it,” Jonny just nodded, as the two started heading towards where they’d part so Jonny could enter the boarding section, and Chris could head back towards the truck.

“You and Marie have an incredible Christmas and New Year as well, as corny as it sounds, you guys have truly been a Christmas miracle. I wish we could’ve given you more than just a singing trophy, but I’ll make sure to send something after the New Year,” Jonny said, stopping his walk at the place where they’d have to part.

“No need Jonny, Marie will brag about the trophy forever! Seriously, that is a gift that cannot be beat. And we’re always happy to help, if we’re in Chicago before you two are back out this way, maybe we can meet up and you boys and fill us in on what happened after you left here, because I just know this is going to work out for you,” Chris finished with a knowing look, before turning and heading for the doors before Jonny could even ask how he knew they were from Chicago. He thought for a moment, before shaking his head and letting out a laugh and making his way towards security.

It was only after he made his way through and discovered a seat to sit down in as he waited for his flight to be called that he pulled his phone back out. He had a text from Pat.

_I’m sorry. Hope you have a Merry x-mas, you deserve it_

Part of him wanted to throw his phone across the boarding lobby and the other half of him wanted to immediately respond. He did neither. Instead, he just pulled up his contact list. He thought about calling somebody like his mom or Seabs first, but he decided against it. He didn’t want to run the risk of being talked out of it, not that he thought either of them would do that, but he recognized that maybe he needed to know what he wanted to say, before he told anyone.

So instead, he pulled up the contact he had been looking for originally, and pressed call. The phone rang a few times before getting answered.

“Hey, it’s Jonny, so I got a flight tonight to Pittsburgh, any chance you’d be able to pick me up in a few hours at the airport around 4:30?” There was a pause on the other line while it sounded like there was some half-asleep grumbling as they had to pull themselves out of the room to get some space.

“Toews?” Crosby said on the other line. “Yeah, absolutely, no problem. Is everything all good with you though?”

“Yeah, I’m okay. It’s all just kind of last minute, and I didn’t know who else I could ask. I’m not putting you out though, am I? Cause it’s not a problem if you can’t, I don’t want to ruin any plans or –” Sid cut him off.

“No,” Sid said hastily, “it’s not a problem at all, I’m just celebrating with family and it’s a small thing. I’d love to have you as long as you’re fine with that. I know that it’s probably at least kind of important if you’re asking me,” he said, half sarcastically, half serious.

“Yeah it’s… It’s something, but it’s fine. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. You can get back to bed or whatever you were doing. Thanks again so much, I owe you one, seriously, I really appreciate it,” Jonny said sincerely.

“Consider it me repaying you for being such a great roommate at the Olympics. Plus, it’ll be really nice to see you Jon, it’s been a while,” he was interrupted by hearing the loudspeaker on the other end of the phone. _Flight number 87 to Pittsburgh is now boarding._ Sid laughed, “Good number flight, that’s gotta be good sign I guess. I’ll let you go, but shoot me a text when you land, and I’ll let you know where I am, see you soon man.”

“Thanks again Sid, really. See you few,” Jonny finished, hanging up his phone and dropping it into his pocket.

As he made his way onto the plane he thought about what Kaner had said earlier when he joked about Jonny spending Christmas in Pittsburgh with Sid instead of Lindsey, he didn’t want to admit earlier that that sounded better to him. At least he didn’t feel bad about actually doing it now, but he knew Pat was going to give him shit about it once he found out regardless. Jonny couldn’t help but look forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas in July!
> 
> I sincerely apologize for such the long wait. I always told myself I'd never post a fic until I had the whole thing written because I'd never want somebody to have to wait too long for the next part to get posted and worry the story had been abandoned. But, here we are. I really hope you enjoy this update whether you've been following this story for a while now or you've just discovered it. Hoping to have the final two chapters up by the end of the month!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *tap tap tap*
> 
> Uh, is this thing still on?
> 
> Finally back with an update! In the spirit of American Thanksgiving, I'm so thankful for those of you who are still interested in this story and have asked to see if this story was still alive. Also, thank you all so much for being patient with me and anybody who will read this story and this update after months of nothing. A lot of the plot of this chapter was what I had in mind when I first started this story 11 months ago, and I'm not a writer, so it was more overwhelming that I had imagined to tell it in a way that I loved.
> 
> From the bottom of my heart I apologize for the length of time between the last two updates and I wish I would've been able to get this out much sooner, but I love this story and these characters so much it was never in question if I would finish this story, it was just figuring out when. I have about a month left until Christmas, so it is my goal to have the final chapter out no later than Christmas Eve. 
> 
> I really hope you all enjoy this chapter and are still interested after all this time. So without making you wait any longer, I look forward to hearing any feedback/feelings/reactions to this chapter if you're willing to take the time to give it. Thank you all again!

Jonny has never really hung out with Sid, not that he would exactly call this “hanging out”.

Hiding out? Maybe. But hanging out? _Ehhhh_.

Sure, they’ve met up at restaurants and bars a handful of times over their careers after games, they’ve been roommates when they were younger at Worlds and the Olympics, and one time, Sid even crashed at Jonny’s condo after they met up during the offseason to have a shoulder to lean on, so to speak, to talk about their concussions with each other. But that wasn’t hanging out, that was the two of them meeting up, or catching up, or in the case of Worlds, being put together, because rooming together is different than just sleeping in the same general area as one another.

Meeting up is just getting together with somebody, usually centered around something like getting food or a conversation (talking about hockey, because, obviously), and then, after an appropriate amount of time, you finish doing that and you go separate ways with the promise to “meet up” again sometime soon, where you inevitably talk around the same things, occasionally sprinkling in something new that’s happened or happening. Meeting up is what you do with friends from high school you never really felt that close too, at least Jonny would assume, it’s pretty much exactly what he does with a few hockey friends he’s met over the years, or cousins he was close to when he was a kid. Hanging out is more consistent yet sporadic, it’s not necessarily every single day, but both of you, or the group of you, know that it could be. Nothing about hanging out has to be planned, you don’t really even have to talk, it can be as simple as playing video games or sitting on opposite sides of the couch while silently sitting on your phone or reading a book.

Hanging out and meeting up can look similar but hanging out is much more comfortable and much less forced. Hanging out is what people do when they just want to enjoy another person’s company, when the conversation can jump about with confidence, while when you meet up, the conversation usually stays aligned to the reason for why you’re meeting up.

In short, Jonny hangs out with Patrick. He meets up with mostly everyone else.

The one time Jonny would say that he came close to actually hanging out with Sid was in Sochi. They won the gold medal on the same day as the closing ceremonies, and they had both scored a goal, their only goals, of the tournament. It was different than winning in Vancouver, Jonny like this feeling more, Sid liked it less. They admitted that much, nothing more.

There’s a certain type of pride that comes with winning a gold medal for your country, it’s a different sense of pride that comes from winning a Stanley Cup. They both like the feeling of winning the Cup more, but they’d both be hard pressed to give a moment in their lives where they were prouder than the minute and a half or so when “O Canada” was playing, the Canadian flag hanging the highest in the rafters.

They got drunk that night; it’s not something you can avoid under those circumstances. It’s euphoric, winning gold and celebrating the end of a successful Olympics. But eventually it gets to the point where everybody gets so drunk that they forget about making sure other people get drunk, and that’s when Jonny saw his opportunity to hide out in the bathroom for a few minutes and found Sid doing the same thing while talking to himself quietly in the mirror. One look at each other was all they needed to decide they wanted to sneak out of the bar together.

They both still had too much adrenaline and liquor running through them to go to bed but neither of them was in a partying mood, despite the previous three hours trying to prove the contrary, so they ended up walking to a nearby park and sat around a fountain. It was a manageable walking distance from the bar and hotel, and even though the water had been drained from it to prevent freezing, the area wasn’t too cold as the trees surrounding it blocked out much of the wind.

They didn’t talk about much of anything, Sid divulged that he felt better about winning gold in Vancouver, and instead of asking why, Jonny admitted for the first time that he didn’t really care for either gold. Sid didn’t ask him why either; it was nice. That’s what they did, intermittently over the course of a few hours while they sobered up, they shared things they didn’t really want to talk about, and they didn’t talk about them, just acknowledged what the other had said. In between those moments they just talked. They talked about nonsense, like if the Easy Bake Oven was a quality childhood toy, it isn’t, and Jonny still can’t believe they were on opposing sides of that discussion, Food Network cooking competition shows, and they ranked the most to least important parts of a s’more. They didn’t talk about hockey. It’s the only time Jonny has ever done that with somebody not on the ‘Hawks. Since then they’ve kept in touch, tried to meet up several times a year when the opportunities arose. It’s hard to ask somebody to just hang out when you aren’t close friends, that’s why you have to ask them to meet up first.

That’s why it was weird for Jonny to ask Sid to pick him up at the airport out of the blue on Christmas Eve.

The ride from the airport back to Sid’s house felt comfortable. To his credit, Sid looked really happy to see Jonny, and didn’t seem put out in the slightest that he had to pick Jonny up, and seemed genuinely excited that Jonny would be spending Christmas with him. It helped Jonny ease into conversation, he tried to steer clear best he could about how he had spent his first day on the NHL’s mandatory break, and Sid seemed to pick up on it and let the subject move along, and Jonny did the same for Sid when he asked who he had over for Christmas and he said, “just some family”.

They’d talk about it, because they had too, and because Jonny wanted too, but first they needed to catch up with each other.

\---

Life is made up of moments. To an outsider, it’s the big moments.

Moving to Detroit at 14. Being drafted first overall in 2007. Winning the Cup in 2010, 2013, and 2015. Scoring _that_ goal. Silver in Vancouver. No medal in Sochi. Madison in 2012.

But, to that individual, life is all the little moments.

Hockey with his dad in the driveway. Being the human equivalent of a lab rat to his sisters whenever they needed somebody to try their creation or a mannequin or play a new game with them. Watching fourth of July fireworks on the boat with his family, the last summer before he left home. Rooming with Jonny on the road. Being invited over to Seabs his first Christmas in Chicago. Erica’s first-time visiting Chicago on her own, in which they spent a grand total of three days inside his apartment just hanging out with each other, before they decided he should probably show her the city for their parents’ sake. Jonny flying home with him from Sochi, even though Patrick hadn’t asked him too. Watching Christmas movies over Skype. Winning a Christmas karaoke competition.

The story of a life is told by the big moments, but life happens in the little ones, building the bridges it takes to get to the big ones.

Patrick realized that at a pretty young age, far before he realized that this hockey thing might actually work out pretty well for him. It was because of some school research project he had to do, nothing big, just writing a biography about somebody famous. He doesn’t even remember who he picked, he just remembers writing it and complaining to his mom, “everybody knows this stuff! It’s all the same, I already put all this stuff on the stupid timeline, and now I have to write about it too?! If anybody ever writes about me, I want them to write about how I ate Erica and Jessica’s cookies even though you told everyone not too because they’d get salmonella!”

It wasn’t his most astute assessment, but it’s stuck with him, so when he talks to new guys on the team, or his sisters about their lives, he makes sure to ask them to tell him something that they really enjoyed either about the last place they played or something that happened in their day. Just to give them a chance for at least a moment, to let those “small” moments, feel big.

And right now, he could feel himself being in one of those small moments. Like how you remember the last happy moment you felt right before a tragic one. In reality, that’s hyperbolic, but the point still stands, because he already knows how much he’ll remember this car ride with Erica. How they joked about sneaking him in under a cloak of darkness, and how the viewing of the Polar Express was, and how Jackie called out their dad for falling asleep during the movie, which created a debate on if he should still be able to pick this movie the next time he and their mom had the choice. It was so easy. It was exactly what he needed from coming back home.

But he already knew that feeling wasn’t going to last, it would last the car ride, but he could already tell Erica was curious about this whole Montana business, and once she pressed him on it there would be no way he wouldn’t tell her everything, because he couldn’t lie to her, or any of his family for that matter, and he didn’t want to. He just wanted to get through the car ride, so he was grateful that Erica was at least giving him that.

Everyone was still asleep by the time they got home, so instead of dumping his stuff in the garage like he was planning on doing in order to surprise his family, he made his way towards the stairs to get into his bedroom with his things.

“Pat, wait!” Erica whisper-yelled as she closed the front door behind her and noticed him heading towards the stair.

He turned around and gave a puzzled look until waved him back towards the kitchen before talking again.

“Sorry I should’ve done this in the car, but, just to update you, we all planned to set an alarm for 9:45 this morning, so that everybody would be down here to help mom with breakfast before we open gifts or whatever. I figure you probably want to sleep though, seeing how you’ve been flying all night,” she looked at him expectedly, but continued, “so if you want to crash for a few hours go do that, and I’ll wake you up just before we are about to eat so that you can make an appearance then. But, if you go in your room, _do not leave_ , got it? I don’t want somebody seeing you coming out of the bathroom or whatever and ruining my gift.”

Patrick laughed, “You were serious about that?”

Erica’s face reacted immediately, which got another rise out of Pat, “Did you tell one of them?! I’m gonna drive your ass back to the airport and leave you there,” Erica snapped.

Pat just laughed again and put his hands up in mock surrender, “No no, I swear, I just didn’t think you’d be able to keep your mouth shut about it, that’s all.”

A smile crept onto Erica’s face, which Pat knew meant trouble before she even said anything, “Oh, really? I can’t keep my mouth shut, huh? If I couldn’t keep my mouth shut then I would’ve already asked you about what’s really going on between you and Jonny, _hmm_. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut a little less and ask you about it right now?” Patrick could see in her eyes that she was joking with him, but she also wasn’t going to take any of his bullshit.

“It’s nothing,” the both said at the same time, one voice lying and one voice dripping with sarcasm.

She laughed again, “You’re so predictable bro. Go sleep, I’ll wake you up in time to eat. But for real, we’re talking about it, and _we’re_ ,” she said, her finger motioning between the two of them, “talking about it first, I’m calling dibs.”

She crossed the island in the kitchen they were standing on opposite sides of and wrapped him into a hug.

“I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too,” Pat said,

“Now go sleep, and don’t wake anybody up!”

Pat jokingly took two hard steps up the stairs to joke with her before heading up and collapsing on the bed the second his bedroom door shut behind him.

Being home on Christmas. Joking with your sister. Two seemingly little things to outsiders, but two huge things to Patrick Kane.

\---

Just like the sun, the people in Sid’s house hadn’t gotten up yet by the time Sid had returned from the airport with Jonny. This was the first time Jonny had ever been to Sid’s house and he was kind of in awe of its size. It wasn’t that it was a large, overtly expensive mansion, that Sid could’ve easily afforded, it was more so about the fact that it seemed so large for just one person, especially for one person named Sidney Crosby.

Sid didn’t like to be alone, that much he knew. He liked his privacy, and he liked his alone time, but he did not like to live by himself. Sure, it had been several years since he had moved out on his own away from the Lemieux’s, but the next logical step from that wasn’t moving directly into a house that greeted you with a grand staircase. Especially when he thought about his own Chicago condo.

Sid pulled him out of his thoughts, “So nobody’s awake yet, and knowing this group, they probably won’t be till around 10 or so. I’ve already had coffee, so I’ve pretty much committed to being up for the day, but it’s your call if you want me to make you a cup or if you want to crash for a few hours.”

“I don’t want to impose on whatever you have planned for Christmas morning –” Jonny started before he was cut off.

“Jon, you’re fine, trust me. We all have a few gifts for each other but it’s not like Taylor or I, or our parents, thank God, have any little kids to make Christmas exciting for. We usually do a breakfast brunch and then just watch Christmas movies together. The only gift my mom ever wants for Christmas is that we spend the whole day together, hence the Christmas movies,” Sid said with a joking groan, because they both know how nice it is to be able to spend the whole day with your family during the season.

“Plus,” Sid continued, “I already know how excited both my parents will be to see you, especially my dad since he’ll finally have a chance to talk hockey with somebody he thinks is smarter than me.”

Jonny just grunted because, please, but he grabbed a chair and sat down at Sid’s kitchen island and let Sid make him a coffee.

The next few hours continued like that; Jokes back and forth, catching up on what they’ve been up too. Sid had just finished telling a story about one of the last Christmas Eve’s he spent with his family in which his family tried to go to church for mass for their mom, but she got so fed up by her inability to find a parking spot that she pulled out of the lot and took them out to dinner instead. He seemingly remembered the story fairly well and told it with direct quotes and hand motions as well, which left Jonny thoroughly laughing and allowed his Patrick Kane related thoughts to wash away, at least for a moment.

Three hours and several cups of coffee later Sid offered to let Jonny take a shower before he went around to nudge everybody else to get a move on which would result in an inevitable race for the showers. Jonny didn’t need to take a shower necessarily, but he figured it couldn’t hurt especially after the day he had had and the plane ride he was on. Plus, it would give Sid time to get started on preparing whatever breakfast/brunch plans he had.

After showering and changing into more comfort clothes, which he had to admit was a nice change from the dress shirt, pants, and tie he was wearing before, Jonny decided to do some exploring of Sid’s house. He wasn’t looking for anything, and he certainly wasn’t opening any closed doors, but he was interested in what type of stuff Sid had managed to fill his rooms with. Plus, it would give Sid some extra time to focus on what he needed to do and not feel like he had to entertain Jonny.

The guest room he had dropped his bag in was fairly standard, not too many decorations aside from the color scheme, and a picture of a young Sid posing for one of those stereotypical youth league photos. Given the fact that he had company and neither Taylor nor his parents were staying in this room, Jonny figured it was a seldom used bedroom, probably used here and there if a teammate were to crash for the night.

He moved downstairs and checked out the living room with the all the decorations and huge Christmas tree Sid had selected for this year. Sid managed to use almost every inch of height he had in the living room to fit this tree in it and still somehow was able to fill the entirety of it with decorations and ornaments. He let out a bit of a chuckle imagining Sid struggling to make everything look perfect while having no help to do it.

The only other room left on the entry level floor of the house was Sid’s office, which had glass doors that allowed Jonny to sneak a quick look. Just because Jonny wanted to kill some time to give Sid some space didn’t mean he wanted to steal the Penguins secrets or check out any piles of game tape he had, but the glass doors allowed him to see that it looked more so like a storage room than actual private office, so it seemed fair game to let himself in. Call Jon what you want, but he wasn’t going to try and gain any type of hockey related benefit over the Penguins by looking around Sid’s “office”.

Overall, empty boxes took up a majority of it, it was as it somebody had used them and just tossed them into the room with the idea of picking them up later but never doing so. There were a few books stacked on the desk, a few signed pictures placed in a bag, probably for the Penguins PR, and even some wrapping paper lazily stacked together in the corner with some blank name tag sheets. Jonny let out a groan remembering he would have to see Lindsey again and give her his gifts – well, in fairness, technically only one of the gifts was from Jonny seeing as how Pat had picked out the other one – before he was going to have to break up with her.

He was about to head out of the room when he caught a shimmering of gold in the back of the room and before he could stop himself he was climbing over boxes in order to get to it. It was the gold medal from Vancouver.

Sid had it displayed along the back wall resting against of sloped piece of black felt with a small Canadian flag perched next to it. It looked proudly displayed but given the room it was placed in and how Sid seemingly treated the room it seemed more of a put-upon sense of pride than actual pride. Although, that probably wasn’t fair for Jonny to say since both of his medals were at his parents’ house and he honestly didn’t mind if they were on display in their bedroom or shut in their top drawer.

Jonny reached towards the medal to pull it down and look at it closer, he always loved the look of the medals in Vancouver, and he still felt the same now. It was kind of ironic how much he hated his, he thought.

“Don’t you have one of those yourself Toews? Why you trying to steal mine?” Sid said with a smirk, obviously joking with him but startling Jonny enough to make him turn around quickly.

“You couldn’t _pay_ me to steal this from you; I don’t even have my own anymore. But I forgot how cool the design for it was,” Jonny said, turning back towards the medal and feeling the ripple in the design. “The way light catches it and bounces off of it is ridiculous, eh?”

Sid just nodded, but his face was contorted into what Jonny could only describe as an intent consideration bordering on concern. He slipped into the room and closed the glass door behind him before speaking.

“You don’t have yours anymore? Did you, like, sell it or something?” Sid said, visibly and audibly confused. And no, Jonny did not sell it, it’s not even something he’d consider doing, no matter how much he hated the memory attached to that thing. He said as much to Sid, albeit in a calmer way.

Sid chuckled at that, “So what? You dumped it in Lake Toews or something?”

Jonny groaned, “God, you sound like Kaner. But no, it’s at my parent’s house, somewhere, I don’t really know where they put it, but I didn’t like looking at it, so I gave it to them. They have the Sochi one too.”

“Yeah, my parents have the Sochi one too,” Sid admitted. “I think I gave it to Taylor less than 24 hours after we won it.”

Now it was Jonny’s turn to nod. He never really understood why Sid had hated that medal, his mind jumped back to that night, the two of them sitting in the park and Sid saying he felt guilty about winning it. He recalled Sid having it stuffed in his pocket during the party, taking it off before they had even made it back to the locker room. He can’t remember Sid ever saying why he felt guilty about it.

“I might give them this one too, it’s not really displayed properly in here, it kinda feels like I’m hiding it. Which, I guess, probably isn’t too far from the truth, since whenever I see it I think about the other one too,” Jonny nodded again.

“That’s basically how I felt about the Sochi one. Probably the same as you, I’m so proud to have won them, but I don’t like them, I just remember feeling sick about who we had to beat to get them.”

“Part of me is actually glad to not have to go to the Olympics this time around, I don’t want to have to play against Geno… Or any teammates,” Sid replied.

Jonny moved around a bit, so he could lean against Sid’s desk, settling in for a conversation.

“Agreed, I don’t even know what I’d do if I had to play against Kaner again,” Jonny said, half to himself. When he said it, he had said Kaner specifically because most of the other guys he was used to playing with would join him on Team Canada, but between himself and the pitied look on Sid’s face, he really just meant Patrick. He wouldn’t have any issue beating Sharpy or Duncs or Seabs, just like he hadn’t had any problem beating guys like Hoss in the past. Patrick just had that impact on him.

“How’s Kane doing? I feel like I haven’t talked to him in forever,” Sid asked.

“He’s really good,” Jonny said earnestly. “Same old fun, easy-going Kaner, with a little more seriousness. He went home for Christmas this year for the first time in a while, so he was pretty excited about that.”

“You didn’t want to go home for Christmas?” Sid asked. It was an innocent question, but it was going to be the one to break the dam of information Jonny had been holding back to this point.

Jonny huffed out a laugh before speaking. “No, I definitely wanted to go home, I just couldn’t make it work, with Lindsey and whatnot,” Jonny finished, avoiding eye contact with Sid in favor of examining a scar on his middle finger.

“Lindsey,” Sid says, nodding to himself while he does. He doesn’t say anything more, but he scrunches up his lips and his nose like he’s thinking something.

“Oh, for fucks – don’t tell me you didn’t like her too? You didn’t even know her!” Jonny says, resigned to the fact that somehow, seemingly nobody in his life over the past four years liked her.

“Didn’t have too,” Sid says with a shrug, “I know you, and I know you kind of forced yourself to see a future with her that you didn’t really want. But, is that what made you end it?”

“End what?” Jonny asked, realizing what he meant right before Sid said it.

“Ended your relationship. You said, ‘ _didn’t like her_ ’ not ‘don’t like her’, which tells me you two are done, right?”

“Ok English linguistics professor, and, well…” Jonny lingered, “no, not exactly, or, not officially anyway. I kind of have to go over to her place tomorrow to do that.”

“Interesting… I don’t really follow but I’m sure this has something to do with the fact that you’re here right now, so should we go get some more coffee while you break it down for me?” Sid finished, opening the door of the room and waiting for Jonny to follow.

Jon huffed out another laugh. “See, Sid, I feel like you just want me to tell you the whole story, so you can make fun of me for being an idiot,” he said following Sid out the door and towards the kitchen.

“I would never!” Sid said with a laugh, before looking at Jon with a more serious tone, “I just want to know, and knowing you, you won’t actually be up for telling the whole story to anybody else, plus, if I can make fun of you, that means it has a happy ending, eh?”

Jonny hummed, “I don’t know yet, we’ll see I guess.”

“You’re leaving somebody you wouldn’t have been happy with, which means it’ll be a happy ending for you, and her, regardless. I know you know that Jon. Just, let yourself feel good about this. And, even if it doesn’t, I kind of have a story for you that I know you’ll make fun of me for, so don’t feel like this isn’t a two-way street here.”

Jonny’s mouth worked up to a smile, “God, why is it that every time we see each other we’re telling each other shit like teenage girls at a slumber party?”

Sid let out laugh at that, “I don’t know Jon, but I’m glad we at least have each other for it,” he said handing Jonny a cup of coffee.

“Me too,” Jon finished, sipping his coffee before starting back up again, “You ready?”

\---

It turned out that Erica’s plan about surprising the family during their Christmas breakfast was actually pretty genius on her part. After his mom had finished shrieking in happiness, and his other sisters shock and excitement had worn off, and his dad had finally had his chance to give him a hug, they were asking the two of them questions about how they had managed to pull it off before Pat had even begun to make a plate for himself.

Donna kept sporadically hugging the two of them the rest of breakfast, still overwhelmed by her surprise and happiness.

“Wait, so I’m still confused,” Jackie admitted as everyone had stopped eating and they sat around their empty plates, “were you actually in Montana with Jonny? Or was that just part of this whole plan?” she finished, motioning her hand in a circle between Pat and Erica.

“No, I was actually in Montana,” Pat said as he finished the last bit of chocolate milk in his glass. “But I was keeping in touch with Erica, because she was obviously the only one who cared enough about having me here,” he joked, which with met with scoffs and eyerolls, “and she saw a flight become available directly to Buffalo, so I immediately got my stuff and got a ride to the airport.”

Erica laughed at the same time his mom made an exaggerated expression.

“You just _left_ Jonathan there?!” Donna yelped back, almost in disappointment.

Erica cut in before Patrick had a chance to answer. “First of all, he didn’t _immediately_ do anything. He left me on read for like, an hour and a half, before he even responded to say that he was coming back. So, let’s just say, I’m fairly certain he didn’t just leave Jonny stranded at some random place in Montana, and I’m sure they talked before he left. Unless,” Erica paused and looked accusingly at Pat, “you were _trying_ to leave without him knowing?”

“Why would you say that?” Donna said looking at Erica, who was proudly displaying a shit eating grin, before whipping her head back towards Patrick, “Why would she say that?!”

“Now wait a minute,” Patrick’s dad said, rising from his seat next to Erica at the island, “I’m very confused, and I need another cup of coffee, but I’m sure we’ll get into all of this later. I am more than happy to participate in the interrogation here,” he said while humorously wagging his finger in Patrick’s direction, “because all of this seems to have the potential of becoming very interesting. But, it’s Christmas, and while we are all glad to have you back, there’s a tree with presents to be opened, so why don’t we go do that, and we’ll work our way back to this conversation afterwards? Huh? Deal?” he finished, looking around for confirmation before starting to walk towards the living room couch while the rest of them reluctantly followed.

“Fine,” Erica said with a shrug, “I’ve already won the best gift this year, but I also call getting to steal him before we continue that conversation.”

“You get nothing you little shit stirrer,” Pat said giving her a playful shove towards the couch where their dad was sitting.

“Figured it was worth a try,” she said with a smirk, “so, who’s up first?”

\---

“Well, Merry Christmas everybody!” Donna said as she got up from the couch and walked over to give each of her kids a hug once the last gift had been opened. “It was so nice to be able to do that again with everyone actually here.”

“So, what’s the plan for the rest of the day?” Jessica asked after they had finished cleaning up what was left of the wrapping paper and returned to the couch with more coffee or whatever else they were drinking.

“Well,” Donna started, “I was thinking that we could have a fire outside on the patio once it gets dark out. It’s not supposed to be too cold tonight and I thought it would be fun while we’re all still together, if you guys are interested in doing that?” Everybody nodded along in agreement.

“Then, considering Dad apparently fell asleep during the movie you guys watched yesterday, how about we do a proper Kane family Christmas movie?” Patrick offered up as an idea.

“I did not –”

“You totally did Dad!” Jackie said, cutting him off.

“You can’t even deny it hun, you were snoring,” Donna said with a laugh.

“Okay, fine. Encore of the Polar Express then?” he joked, which was immediately met by groans of all the kids.

“I would say ‘Christmas with the Kranks’, but, _somebody_ watched that yesterday,” Erica said, very obviously referring to Pat when she said it, judging by her stare.

Pat could tell what she was trying to do, to bring the conversation back around to Patrick and Jonny, which, while he didn’t appreciate it, he knew was it was fair for her to want to know what happened. Especially based on what she already knew and the fact that she picked him up at the airport. Luckily, Donna hadn’t picked up on it and mentioned A Christmas Story, which was probably playing on some channel as they spoke since it was “a Christmas classic”.

“Ugh, you sound like Jonny,” Patrick had said to nobody in particular, and evidently, without really thinking.

“Oh yeah!” Jess said, eyes jumping with renewed excitement. “Can we get back to that topic, that was just starting to get good!”

Patrick was expecting somebody to say something, either to agree with her or trying to steer the conversation back on track, but instead, he had five sets of eyeballs on him, waiting for what he had to say. He took a deep breath.

“I promise I’ll tell you what happened, all of it. And you guys can ask any questions you want or say anything you’re thinking. Part of the reason I wanted to come back home while I had this break was to talk to you guys and help me get my head back in the mindset I needed over the rest of the season, but can we just… wait? How about we just watch a movie, A Year Without a Santa Claus? Elf? And then we can have story time with Pat once we’re around the fire, deal?” Pat asked, feeling like he had already bared too much.

“Deal,” Erica said almost immediately, “Anyone opposed to Year Without a Santa Claus?”

So that’s what they did. And if he gave Erica a nudge and a soft smile while nobody else was looking, well then that was just between them. It was nice knowing you had somebody in your corner during all the little moments, especially right before the big ones.

\---

The night air in Buffalo matched that of the one from the night before back in Montana. He was dressed for it better now though, and the fire made the cold much more tolerable. It was hard to believe that only 24 hours had passed since he had told Jonny he was gay; since he thought that maybe, just maybe, Jonny had liked Patrick in the same way he did. 24 hours since finding the wedding ring.

A blast of fear shot through him, _had Jonny proposed today?!_ He had completely put that thought out of his head, for good reason, but now that he remembered the feelings started rushing back. He got up from fire, not as casual as he would’ve liked and two-stepped up the stairs and into his bedroom to get his phone off the charger.

He hadn’t looked at it all day, so he had to sift through all the texts to find the one he was looking for; he didn’t find it. There were two from Sharpy, a video of the girls saying, _“Merry Christmas Uncle Kaner”_ which was adorable, followed up by a text that said, _“Hope you have a Merry Christmas Pat, you deserve it”_.

Then there was one from Seabs, which was actually a group message between Seabs, Patrick, and Jonny – the fucker – that said, _“You kids have great Christmas, wherever you are. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”_ Which was weird, but Jonny had responded with, _“like buying underage kids alcohol for Christmas and blaming it on Santa?”_ , which Patrick begrudgingly laughed at.

The rest were the team group chat, mostly _“Merry Christmas”_ texts with a few pictures of kids or gifts they got. Alex sent a picture of the keychain Pat had got custom made for him at the Dallas mall, which was in the shape of a hockey stick and had his number etched in red. It was a pretty basic gift with enough thought behind it to make him feel special, or at least he had hoped. The text he sent that corresponded with it read, “ _shoutout to my secret santa, definitely coolest gift I’ve got in a while. Does a car come with it though??”_ which made Pat smile.

He read through all the texts but there was not a single one directly to him from Jonny, or one in the group congratulating Jonny. He breathed in a sigh of relief. He was looking for one that confirmed his worry that Jonny was engaged, but there wasn’t one. For a moment, he laid down on his bed, feet still stuck to the floor and just stared at the ceiling and breathed. After about a minute, he slipped his phone into his pocket and headed back outside.

Everybody was trying not to stare at Pat as he returned to the patio and took his seat, but they weren’t doing a very good job at it seeing as how they all had diverted their eyes immediately back towards each other once he walked into view. He laughed to himself realizing that they were talking about him when he got back, because now nobody was talking, like they had been caught red handed.

Patrick smirked, feeling stupid. He had wanted to come home to tell them, and Erica basically all but knew at this point, and they seemed more worried about him than anything else and he didn’t want them to worry, even if he was hurt, he’d be fine. And, even if they felt some type of way initially about it, they’d be fine. Patrick was just tired of prolonging it at this point, and he didn’t want them to worry anymore about something he wasn’t. So, after a moment, he spoke.

“Sorry, I just remembered something I had forgotten about and needed to check my phone. Everything’s fine; I’m fine, so please stop worrying, okay? Are we ready for story time with Pat?”

“Fucking _finally_ ,” Jackie said with a smile.

“Language!” Donna snapped back, because she was their mother.

“Honey,” Patrick’s dad said, “You literally said less than five minutes ago that ‘ _that boy is gonna be the fucking death of me if something’s wrong and he isn’t telling us’_ ”, which got a laugh out of everybody.

“Well, I’m fine, for the most part, so stop worrying. Let me just talk, and then at the end you can give me shit or tell me I’m and idiot or give me a hug, or all three, yeah?” He waited till they nodded before continuing.

“Okay, so by now I’m sure you all know I broke up with Amanda…”

\---

Jonny made sure not to inadvertently out Patrick while he recounted the last few days to Sid. He trusted Sid, _a lot_. Over the years the two of them had managed to develop that level of trust which was mainly why he felt comfortable reaching out to Sid when he wasn’t ready to go face Lindsey and her family, and why he felt confident telling Sid these things. Pat liked to joke that Sid was his man crush, but in reality, Sid was just one of those people he wished to be better friends with but had never managed to make that happen. If anything, Jonny’s “man crush” was Kaner but that was a loose term at most because Patrick was much more accurately thought of as a real crush, who happened to be a man. But in any case, Patrick didn’t trust Sid and Jonny knew that this wasn’t something for him to tell anybody without Pat’s permission.

And while Jonny had absolutely no problem withholding that piece of information from Sid, it did kind of blur some of the details for Sid which made it difficult for Jonny to lay out if Patrick could potentially reciprocate feelings.

“So, wait, two things:” Sid said, interrupting Jonny after he told him that he kissed Pat on the cheek, “one, _you_ sang karaoke? Does anybody have a video?”

“You’re missing the point Sid,” Jonny groaned. “Yes, I did karaoke, with Pat, and we won, so screw you, but I kissed him, like a dumbass, and he didn’t freak out.”

Sid shifted his eyebrows into a _are you kidding me_ look before he spoke up. “Jon, you kissed him on the cheek, during a part of the song that made a reference about kissing, if he wasn’t interested in you I feel like he wouldn’t have made a big deal about it. It not like you assaulted his mouth with your tongue. And two, you totally hate your Olympic medals because you can’t help but think of beating the States, right? You hate them so much because you had to hurt somebody you loved to get them. Wow, I’m such a dumbass for not seeing it before.”

Jonny nodded. “Okay yeah, that has something to do with it, but why is that relevant right now? And how did you even put that together?” he questioned.

Sid just pushed that questioning aside, “But anyway, you said he snuck away to go outside after? And that’s where you saw him next?”

Jonny nodded again.

“Okay well, maybe there’s something there then, I wouldn’t think that deep into it. What happened after that?”

“Well we walked back to the inn, and then we talked for a little bit… And, I don’t know, I thought we were both gonna stay the night. But I think he found the ring and got pissed and decided to leave.”

“Jon!” Sid said, standing up out of his chair and leaned against the island, “are you serious?”

“What?” he responded, confused.

“You’re caught up on all this minor stuff, it’s obvious that this is about one of two things in that case! Either he’s pissed at you for not listening to him because you’re planning on proposing to Lindsey, or, he’s hurt that despite whatever you two have going on you’re still planning on proposing to her.”

“But I’m not proposing to her, I’m breaking up with her like, tomorrow.”

“I know!” Sid said, very animated, before catching himself and sitting back down to talk at a more appropriate level. “I know that. He doesn’t know that though. He stumbles upon this ring that you have and what is he supposed to think Jon?”

“I don’t even know why I bought that ring,” Jonny said, feeling resigned. “I think I just felt like in that moment if I didn’t buy it, I had made my decision, eh? That I’d be breaking up with her and talking to Pat. And it’s scary, because what if I made my decision, by not deciding?”

Sid nodded, just looking back at Jonny. They were each silent for a few moments.

“Well, I think you’re handling it right, if that makes you feel better. You have to break up with her first, for her sake, for your sake, and to show him that you’re serious about wanting to be with him, right? I have no way of knowing if he wants to be with you or not, but you seem to think that there is a strong chance, so I do too, but just do what you’re planning, and then go back to Chicago and talk to him. But Lindsey clearly isn’t right for you, so you have to deal with that first.”

“Yeah… I guess I’m just scared, is all. It just, feels like a lot at once, you know? And there’s just so many ways it could go bad, like I don’t want to fuck up the team or our friendship.”

“Well the good news is, you can’t fuck up your team anymore than you have,” Sid chirped, smiling. “But, I have a feeling you guys will be fine. Just from knowing you these past few years, it’s obvious to me that your feelings are real, and I just feel like I know what he’s feeling as well. I just, I think he’s more hurt, and I think there is a good chance he feels the same way too.”

They let their conversation transition into something more casual before Sid excused himself to go tell the rest of the Crosby’s to get a move on. While he was gone, Jonny toyed with the idea of texting Pat, just to let him know he was thinking of him, but he couldn’t figure out how to.

“Okay,” Sid announced as he walked back into the room, “everybody is awake and starting to get a move on. So, before that happens let me tell you my quick story that you can give me shit for.”

Jonny cracked a smile at that. “I’ll let you get away with not telling me if you want.”

“No, I want to tell you. I’ve been meaning to for a while actually, I just never knew how to ask to hang out really, or bring it up, I don’t know. It’s partially why I was happy you asked to come by, because I feel like we should talk to each other more often, but we just don’t. Plus, you’re gonna find out anyway so I might as well just tell you,” Sid said, echoing a lot of Jonny’s feelings as well as creating some intrigue for him too.

“Anyway,” Sid started, seeming nervous for the first time since he started talking, preoccupying his eyes with his ring finger rather than Jonny’s eyes. “You know how I told you that it was only my family staying here?”

Jonny nodded, trying to figure out what Sid was getting at.

“Well,” Sid started before getting interrupted by a much louder, more excited sounding voice. And if the way the room seemed to shake as they walked in, much bigger as well.

“Tazer!!! Is you! Merry Chrysler!” Evgeni Malkin happily roared.

“G,” Sid groaned. “Nobody knows that reference!” leading Jonny to believe that this wasn’t the first time they had had this argument.

“Taylor did!” he responded to Sid before turning back towards Jonny. “He just sad he not cool. Doesn’t understand social media.”

“Jon doesn’t know it either I bet,” Sid said, folding his arms and turning towards Jonny for backup.

“Sadly, I do,” Jonny admitted, which got a celebration from Malkin and a look of disgust from Sid. “But in my defense, it was only because Kaner was referencing it to everybody on the team for like the past month so some of them forced him to prove he wasn’t making it up.”

‘Hmmm,” Geno hummed sarcastically towards Sid, “See Sid, so sad. Need more Christmas spirit.”

“What do you mean?! Have you seen this house? I dare you to find somebody with more Christmas spirit,” Sid challenge.

“Doesn’t count,” Geno said flicking his wrist to the side as if to say whatever, “Our house, I help set up all you couldn’t reach, half of the spirit mine,” which was met by another round of Sid’s eyerolls.

“All you set up was the tree, which you picked out, because, and I quote, ‘ _biggest best!’_ ”. Geno just shrugged.

“Biggest _is_ best! Still, half the spirit mine,” he said to Sid before redirecting his attention back to Jonny. “Anyway Tazer, happy to see you. Sid tell me you call and say you coming last night but I half asleep, so I just roll over,” Geno finished by pulling him into a hug.

“Yeah it’s so nice to see you too, it’s definitely been a while, I didn’t even realize you were gonna here,” Jonny said, looking back towards Sid to see if he could fill in the gaps for him.

“Yeah, so as I was saying before _somebody_ ,” Sid said, giving Geno a pointed look, which was returned with a fake pout, “rudely interrupted, it’s only Crosby’s here, except for Geno who’s still campaigning for Malkin-Crosby,” Sid finished, ducking his head with a sly smile.

“I gonna win,” Geno said to Jonny, before walking over to Sid and wrapping him up from behind and tilting his head to look at him, “my campaign strategy best,” he finished by giving Sid a kiss.

“Sid! No way!” Jonny said, taking his opportunity to stand up in an exaggerated manner, “You could’ve told me! At like, any time! You could’ve just thrown it in when I was telling you my mess. That’s awesome! How long has it been?”

“About a year and a half. We’ve had this house for maybe half that time? Nothing’s officially yet, but, it is, cause,” Sid said, ducking his head again.

“Sid love me,” Geno said with a mix of seriousness and fondness before pressing another kiss, this time to Sid’s cheek.

“Genoooooo,” Sid, for all intents and purposes, whined.

“Booo whooo, I told you first, I can make fun of Sidney Malkin-Crosby,” Geno hummed.

“Get off me,” Sid said with a laugh, giving Geno a shove at the time.

Taylor and Sid’s parents came down not too shortly after, all greeting Jonny in a similar way. Sid was right about his dad being excited to see him and talk hockey with somebody different than Sid, and presumably Geno. The rest of the morning continued as Sid said it would, with brunch and some gifts, before transitioning towards watching movies.

Jonny snuck glances at Geno and Sid at different times throughout the morning; they looked so happy. Jonny couldn’t help but see him and Patrick in them, how badly he wanted to be able to do this with him one day. 

The morning continued into the afternoon and not before long it was dark out. The light snowfall that had sporadically continued throughout the day had finally stopped accumulating outside. Jonny couldn’t help but think how different his Christmas’ were now, as an adult, from those Christmas’ he had as a kid. He busier back them, him and David waking up early for gifts, even as teens, and then driving to spend the day at their grandparents with cousins. He wished he could be home, but he was grateful for these past few days, not only for Patrick, but to see how other people celebrated and what traditions they had. It was like getting an up close and personal look at small moments that made a person who they are.

The Kane’s did family movies on Christmas Eve. The Crosby’s did movie marathons on Christmas day. Based on parts of conversations he had listened to throughout the day, Christmas was apparently the one day as a kid that Sid played no hockey whatsoever. No mini-sticks, no street hockey, no pond hockey. Just time to be with the family, which was kind of sweet, considering how much of the year almost every family raising a future NHL player dedicates to playing hockey.

“Okay Crosby’s,” Sid’s mom started, pulling herself and her husband up off the couch about 20 minutes after the last movie had ended. “Malkin-Crosby’s, Crosby-Malkin’s, I don’t care which, you two decide, and Toews, you too. Everybody up,” she said, which was met by groans from her two children. Jonny stood as he was told and looked over towards Geno trying to convey his question with his eyes before Sid’s mom continued, gracefully answering it. “Get your shoes and jackets. Let’s go stretch our legs, check out all the lights, walk the block, and then we can come back and watch the last movie for the night, I see some of your eyes drifting.”

Not before long the six of them were out of the house and heading down the empty street of Sid’s neighborhood. The snow they had got was nothing more than a dusting but still enough to create a bit of a crunch under each step.

Most of the houses has decorations, some more modest, some with bright splashing colors and inflatable holiday characters, some filled with beautiful white lights strung on around the house and trees, others where it looked like Santa had just thrown up holiday spirit onto the front yard. 

They walked semi separated down and back up the street, taking time to pause to look at each house they saw fit. Every once in a while, a wisp of wind would whip by and Jonny would notice Sid burrow his way closer into Geno’s side. It was quiet as well, and under the dimly lit street and the dark jackets, they were able to be themselves; holding each other’s hand, occasionally stealing a kiss. Although the latter was more so a result of Geno, but Sid never protested hard enough for it to not occur again.

A year and a half. That was all the time they had been together for. Jonny had known he had feelings of some kind for Pat for 10 years, and now that Jonny had more than a sliver of hope that Pat felt similarly, this was all he wanted. He wanted to ask how they had gotten together, who had broken the ice on the subject first? But that didn’t matter right now, because all he wanted was Pat, so he caught up to Sid and asked, aiming for casual, “How do you deal with the team and the two of you together, do they know?”

Sid paused, turning towards Geno with a smile. “Well, we talked about it at first, _a lot_. It’s so hard to figure out who you trust to tell and who you want to tell, and a person needs to be both, and it obviously we had to agree on those. So, we agreed on who we trusted the most to tell and gave them the chance to have an actual conversation about it with. With the rest, some know, some don’t, I guess. We don’t hide it really, I mean, we don’t kiss in the locker room or on the planes or whatever, but we still sleep together on road trips, go the rink together, leave together. But it’s nice to have those people you trust and let the rest think whatever they want.”

Geno spoke up once Sid finished, “Tazer, don’t worry about hockey if relationship with person will outlast hockey. Don’t let you hold yourself back from what you want, otherwise I wouldn’t be a Malkin-Crosby right now.”

Sid rolled his eyes but leaned closer into Geno anyway and Jonny couldn’t help but smile. He wanted that.

Once the six of them returned inside to the warmth of Sid’s house, Trina handed out hot chocolate as they reentered the living room to watch the last movie of the night. Typically, Jonny would’ve denied hot chocolate, but it reminded him of Pat drinking his with way too many mini marshmallows as they walked around the Christmas fair the previous morning, and he was feeling too weak to turn down something that reminded him of Pat. _God_ , he was gone for him. He pulled his phone out and read through some of the texts and pictures in the Blackhawks group chat before adding one of his own. It was a picture of his hot chocolate followed by the message _it’s Christmas, be festive_ which echoed what Pat had told him yesterday. He hoped Pat would remember so that he would know Jonny was thinking about him. He didn’t know how to say it in so many words, but he missed Patrick, and regardless of how their next conversation was going to go, he couldn’t wait to get back to Chicago.

\---

The only thing Pat remembered while he was coming out was how hard Erica had squeezed his hand. At one point his mom got out of her seat and for a split second, fear ran through him that she was upset, but then she came and sat down next him and wrapped her arm, covered in a blanket, around his shoulder.

His dad was the first one to speak after he finished.

“Pat, you know we love you, I know that’s – that that’s the stereotypical response but I can’t not reassure you of that,” Donna and the girls nodded their heads as well, smiling. “And you don’t owe anything to anybody, not us for sure, but you’ve reached the point in your career where you don’t owe the league, or the team, or your fans anything that will compromise your happiness. So as your dad, and I’m sure mom and sisters would agree, and somebody who cares an awful lot about you, don’t do that to yourself. That being said, I’m not so sure it’s a great idea to try and start a relationship with your best friend, teammate, and captain, who also has a matching contract to yours, especially since you aren’t even sure if he’s into you. Or even interested in men, considering the long-term girlfriend who he bought a ring for thing.”

“Dad,” Erica said, breaking up the warm but serious moment, “but Jonny kissed him!”

“Yeah, but like, on the cheek. And there was context to it, it wasn’t just like, ‘oh let me give you a goodnight kiss’”, Patrick replied, even though it was counteractive to what he wanted to believe.

Jessica let out a laugh that turned into a smile. “You are _such_ a guy,” she said, just shaking her head and smiling.

“Patrick,” Donna spoke, entering the conversation, “do not downplay yourself because you’re scared of getting hurt. I’ve known Jonathan as long as you have, and that man would not just do karaoke because he was drunk. He did it because he knew it would make you happy. And if he kissed you on the cheek during it, well then, maybe he was doing that to make _him_ happy.”

And that – maybe? Jonny was pretty tipsy. And he’s a competitive freak and maybe he just thought it would excite the crowd, which it did.

“Okay, mom, let’s say that’s true, how does that explain why he bought Lindsey a ring?” Jackie countered. Which made it so that now all of the Kane’s had entered the discussion of Pat’s love life, or lack thereof.

“How does that explain Jonny rushing to the airport to catch Pat before he left?” Erica snapped back. Jessica leaned over and gave her a high five, to which Patrick just rolled his eyes at and smiled.

“Guys,” Patrick’s dad laughed as he reentered the conversation. “This isn’t a debate. Look, we all want Patrick to be happy, but we also don’t want him to get hurt. We can all agree on that, right?”

Everyone nodded.

“Exactly, so let’s not try to tear down hopes or build them up. Pat, what do you think?” he finished.

“I don’t know,” Patrick said feeling resigned. “I thought that, maybe? But then I found the ring and just felt like an idiot. But then he found me at the airport and it was like, now I don’t know. It’s just frustrating because I feel like such an idiot for having hope because I don’t know if it’s just me trying to find something out of nothing or if there is actually something there.”

“Well,” his mom said leaning forward and patting him on the thigh. “I have faith the two of you will work everything out. Has he reached out to you today?”

“No,” Patrick said reaching in his pocket for his phone, “At least not directly. I checked earlier to see if he had proposed and people were congratulating him but the only thing I saw was just a response he made to a group with Seabs.”

His mom started talking again but he wasn’t listening. There was a new message in the group chat from Jonny and then one sent shortly after by Sharpy. He could feel his blood pressure spiking. His face must’ve flashed something because Erica cut his mom off.

“Pat, did he just text you?” she said, gesturing towards his phone.

“Well the team, and it was a few minutes ago, but yeah.”

“And are you gonna tell us what he said?” his dad asked, sounding equally intrigued and impatient.

Jackie called him out on it, “What happened to you thinking this wasn’t a good idea?”

“I reserve the right to change my mind if it seems like there’s an actual chance.”

Donna just laughed before turning the attention back towards Patrick as he opened the text.

The first thing he felt was relief. It was a picture, but not one of the ring on Lindsey’s hand saying “ _She said yes!_ ” which he had been nervous about seeing all day. But then he just felt happy and couldn’t contain a smile from breaking out onto his face. It was just a picture of hot chocolate with marshmallows, which would usually be whatever, accept for the fact that Jonny didn’t usually drink hot chocolate. The smile came from the message _it’s Christmas, be festive_ , which is exactly what Pat had told him the day before.

“I take it that it’s a good thing?” Donna asked, smile on her face as well.

“Yeah,” Patrick nodded. “I think he wants me to know that he’s thinking of me, without actually telling me that.”

Patrick could feel the hope rising in his chest again, except this time he didn’t want it to go away.

“All I’m gonna say is that you better keep us updated once you two get back, because if not I’m flying there and will give both of you a piece of my mind,” Erica said, undoubtably serious but still smiling.

“Seconded,” Patrick’s dad said, which was met with a round of laughs.

He read the text over one more time, just get that jolt of happiness again. He was grateful for tonight. Especially for his family, but also for feeling hopeful again.

\---

Sid was nice enough to drop Jonny off at Lindsey’s the next morning. Jonny figured it was mostly to make sure Jonny was going to go through with breaking up with Lindsey, but he appreciated the ride nonetheless. The ride was quiet, with some intermittent conversation, but it was nice, not forced conversation like it had felt like during the previous times they had met up with one another.

“Jon,” Sid said as the GPS had turned them onto a more residential street. Jonny turned to look at Sid.

“I just wanted to say that – that I’m glad that you trusted me enough to call me, and to tell me about everything. I know we don’t talk a lot, but, you know, my circle’s small, and I do think of you as one of my closest friends. I know how tough it is to share that, but I’m just glad that you felt like you share that ‘cause I’ve been wanting to tell you about Geno and me for a long time but just didn’t know how.”

Sid had turned away from Jon, trying to busy himself by looking at the road, like he felt embarrassed about what he was saying.

“Sid, man, I’m so happy for you. I know it’s tough, especially when we don’t see each other that much, and how personal it is. But, I feel like we’ve always shared this type of stuff with each other, we just never talked about it. And I should be the one thanking you – for everything, but you knew that when you said you’d get me at the airport that you’d have to tell me about you and Malk- _Geno_ , and you did it anyway,” Jonny said, pausing when Sid parked outside of Lindsey’s parents’ house.

“I can’t wait till you guys come to Chicago and the three of us can go out. Offseason too, you guys are welcome to Winnipeg anytime, no warning necessary,” Jonny finished with a smirk.

Sid just laughed at that, “The three of us? I think it’ll be the four of us, because there’s no way I’m letting Kane get out of it.”

“We’ll see,” Jonny said, trying not to get his hopes up.

“Jon,” Sid spoke in a way Jonny recognized – it was his captain’s voice. “There is not a single doubt in my mind that he isn’t equally as head over heels for you as you are for him. It’s going to work out, just talk to him. Trust me, I’ve been the one on his side of things.”

Jonny just nodded, there wasn’t anything he could say to that because he couldn’t admit that Sid that he could be right, because Jonny couldn’t get his hopes up.

Sid just smiled and shook his head. “It’s like talking in mirror, I’m the same way. But just, try not to stress over it, it’s not good for your mental health. And,” Sid said before finishing, “We’re hanging out soon, the four of us, okay?”

Jonny couldn’t hide the smile from his face as he opened the car door and grabbed his stuff. “Deal, and for more than just dinner this time.”

They exchanged goodbyes and Sid waited until Jonny was let into the house before he drove away. It was nice, having a friend like Sid.

\---

The plane was a lot less crowded now than it had been a few days before in Denver. Jonny couldn’t tell if it was because the timing of the flight – late at night on the 26th – or a result of it being a short direct flight from Pittsburg to Chicago, but whatever the reason, Jonny was grateful.

His breakup with Lindsey had been difficult. Even though he was looking forward to the future he could have with Patrick, it was still hard to put an end to something that had lasted so long. And he had known that, it was partially why he had waited so long for a reason to do so. But even with all that, it gave him something to focus on that wasn’t Patrick Kane.

The mood of the day following Christmas has always felt like relief to Jonny. It’s a day off for him based on NHL rules but it also signifies the end of the holiday season, or at least a reprieve before New Year’s, when people can finally relax with no immediate obligations. But that wasn’t the mood coming from Lindsey. At first Jonny had thought it was just him, but it wasn’t long before he realized that Lindsey was holding back as well.

By the time they had finished talking their way through the breakup it had become apparent that both of them were exhausted. Lindsey wanted to move back home, away from Chicago, which forced her to confront her feelings about their relationship, and Jonny had explained to her his reservations about them as well. She cried, not because they were done, but because it was a part of her life she was putting behind her. It was tough for them both, but they were both ready.

Jonny settled into his seat, thankful that nobody was seated next to him, and shot off a text updating Sid. He was sure that Sid was wondering how it had gone but didn’t want to be rude and ask him, so Jonny just let him know anyway. His phone buzzed again right before he flipped it to airplane mode with a text from Sharpy:

_Hawks New Year’s Eve Party at my place, mandatory attendance, bring whoever. We’ll have food and beer, bring your own liquor or whatever else. Any other details will be provided in person, just letting you all know now. Dress nice-ish._

The Hawks New Year’s Eve parties were a yearly tradition the past 8 years or so and they were always a great time. Sharpy wanted to host this year’s because he felt like he had missed out the last few seasons and wanted to ensure it would live up to its former glory, so Jonny wasn’t shocked when he saw the text. What did shock him was the first response back to Sharpy:

_taking apps for whos gonna be my New Year’s kiss, spread the word_

Sent from Patrick Kane.

Jonny was most certainly not going to spread that word, although part of him hoped the word had already gotten to the person Patrick wanted it to.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers! 
> 
> I've been thinking about writing this story for a while now, and of course now that it's Christmas Eve I've decided to get started working on it. 
> 
> Any and all feedback would be appreciated! I'm not a writer (that isn't to say that I don't think this is good, that's for you to decide) but anything they I should keep in mind as I finish this story and hopefully more in the future would be great!
> 
> This is based off of a Lifetime movie, but only the central plot of it, it's not meant to recreate scene by scene. 
> 
> If you like it and look forward to reading the rest don't hesitate to let me know.
> 
> Happy Holidays to all!


End file.
